Stressed

[goodgirl_85]

So besides the fact that I have to wait until the middle of July to find out if I have cancer, and the fact that my aunt just got told that she has cancer... o and put aside the fact that my Ex(my first and thus far only) Master is in love with someone else, and no longer wants to talk to me I think I have done really well to not go out and drink until I can't see.

And I still want to get involved more with the local scene. Maybe then it would be easier to find a playmate who is open to a relationship. The last few guys I have talked to, two of which I have met, aren't open at all to a committed relationship. "It will never happen" one of them said.

Is it me, or are most Doms like that. One dom, whom I have yet to meet, and probably wont even told me that LTRs and Love are something to be found only in "Vanilla" relationships.

Another told me that D/s and BDSM have nothing to do with one another. And yes while you can have D/s without all kinks can you have BDSM without the D/s????

Then there are the ones who only want sex. If i wanted that Id go to a club.

This exhausting search for Mr. Right is enough to make me cry, scream and break someone's nose. I just don't get it. Shouldn't the search be fun and exhilarating. Full of dates to laugh over, as well as those ones to dream about.

I don't know. I think I am about to give up. I'm sick of falling asleep alone,and waking up alone. I know most of you will say Im young to want this so much, or that I just have to be patient and it will eventually happen. I don't want eventually, I want now. Even if not a Mr. Forever, a Mr. Now who lasts longer then a month or two would be good.

[cadence]

I would offer you some advice, but I am never good at it.
Don't give up, and hopefully you feel better writing it all down.
As for the cancer, I know this will sound lame but don't worry, I have had cancer twice, and at your age as well.
If you are worried and need to talk about it, please PM me, I understand what you are going through.

All I can offer you right is a great big ~HUG~

[nk_lion]

I don't know if you believe in god or not, but if so, pray. Sorry if it seems like some insufficient advice, but that's all I can suggest. I hope you live a long and happy life with your Mr. Right Now and Forever.

[Eponine]

I can relate to your sentiment, if not your specific situations...
I know that frustration and loneliness of being alone- I hate it as well...

Try the batting range when you're feeling stressed! lol
Or maybe shooting range... I know that feeling when you've just got to break something or you yourself will break!

Hard not to self-destruct sometimes (e.g. drink till you're blind)... hard to keep that self-control that you know you eed and is better for you long-term...

So good luck, warm prayers, and happy wishes I put out there in your direction...

[tessa]

So besides the fact that I have to wait until the middle of July to find out if I have cancer, and the fact that my aunt just got told that she has cancer...

My prayers are with you. ~hugs~

o and put aside the fact that my Ex(my first and thus far only) Master is in love with someone else, and no longer wants to talk to me I think I have done really well to not go out and drink until I can't see.

You have done marvelously.

Is it me, or are most Doms like that. One dom, whom I have yet to meet, and probably wont even told me that LTRs and Love are something to be found only in "Vanilla" relationships.

Um, not sure who you spoke to, but what he said is bull. While I'm quite sure loads of Vanilla couples love each other silly, the love shared between a Dominant and submissive is, in so very many ways, stronger, deeper, more pure than lots of Vanilla relationships due to the trust and communication that must exist. My advice? Don't waste your time meeting that one.

Another told me that D/s and BDSM have nothing to do with one another. And yes while you can have D/s without all kinks can you have BDSM without the D/s????

Don't meet up with this one either, ok?

Then there are the ones who only want sex. If i wanted that Id go to a club.

If I wanted that, I'd get my vibe. Saves the trip to the club and is probably a whole lot more satisfying. And you don't have to get dressed up for it.

I don't know. I think I am about to give up. I'm sick of falling asleep alone,and waking up alone. I know most of you will say Im young to want this so much, or that I just have to be patient and it will eventually happen. I don't want eventually, I want now. Even if not a Mr. Forever, a Mr. Now who lasts longer then a month or two would be good.

He will show up when you least expect it. Don't give up. He is out there, waiting for you.

[Jensen036]

I am sorry to hear your bad news. I hope that things get better for you.

[gagged_Louise]

gladgirl, I really hope that things will turn out good, and I can totally understand your unease. It's true subs are vulnerable and it's a tough choice to be submissive, to take on that drive, but to some of us, if you got it in you, it's really the only possible, the only fulfilling thing - I know Tessa would agree with me there: only when you're brought to your knees and used mercilessly by your caring, but hard Dominant does it hit the wellspring of your being, and you'll sob, smile and want more.

Don't give in, the Dom who will put you to pain, understand you and make you see yourself in a new light is out there.

[_ID_]

In answer to one of your questions. Yes you can have D/s without the aspect of SM or BDSM however you want to look at it.

As far as finding Mr Right... All I can tell you is let your heart be your guide, and your mind be the rule. What does it mean? Let your heart guide you to people you find appealing, let your mind do the logic work to see if they are worth the effort.

Can love be found in BDSM? Most definitly!

Best Wishes

[anonymouse]

Goodgirl,

I was very touched by your post. There was a time, when I was young, when I felt just like you (even though I knew nothing of BDSM at the time and merely wanted a regular boyfriend). At the time I felt the best way to break the curse that seemed to grip me was pretend it didn't exist and stop looking. I still plucked up the courage to go out and socialize, but by not actively looking for a partner I was able to feel less stressed. Ultimately, Mr Right did suddenly pop into my life when I was least expecting it. We had twenty or so years happily together but am back to being single again. These days I don't mind the solitude, but I still remember the days when I felt the same way as you do.

Don't give up!

Wishing you all the best,

anonymouse

[Rhabbi]

First, my sympathies and prayers and hope that the cancer news will turn out to be good. And sorry about your mother also.

Second, Do not listen to those idiots. Love comes in a D/s relationship all the time, I could give you examples form this site alone. If a Dom is telling you that he does not want that, and you do, then walk away. You are not too young to know what you want or to go after it.

[goodgirl_85]

Thank you for everything everyone has said. It means a lot to know people care... I am trying my best and hopefully july will be here before we all know it and I will be posting that i am in good health. I am trying to keep a calm postitive head about this.

girl

[Ocean_Soul]

Hi Goodgirl, I would have responded sooner but I ended up not seeing your post. Let me be another voice telling you to have hope. And, it’s almost a cliché to say nowadays but the best ones come when you aren’t looking. So don’t be afraid to give up. I actually do it on a regular basis, well, about as regular as someone at my age had time to experiance. I tend to find someone special, have a good time and it ends (unless it’s “the one”) and than I spend some time feeling much the same as you do now and than eventually I search some more end up back at the default position I prefer to be in, not caring. Basically, “given up.” It is depressing “giving up” but its part of the process that works for me.

I’m currently feeling shitty about the loss of someone special to me and waiting ‘till I go back to being fully me. I’m not sure if others go though this same thing or not, of if it’s just me but I suspect that it happens a lot. It’s in our biology to be more or less happy individuals it seems. People get over losses of the ones closest to us and people who have been kidnapped even sympathies with their captors when their mind has had enough of feeling fearful for so long. As far as I see it it’s the same process that drives both effects. Anyway, this has all been a long drawn-out late-night and maybe TMI way of saying that you’re gonna be OK.

Oh. and every person special in my life has always come when I wasn’t looking. I’m not gonna tell you that you’re young and have plenty of time because I know that offers no solace. There are doms out there who just want to play and others who want LTRs, just as there are vanilla men who just want to fuck and others who want something more.

I’ll end it there. Take care!