So besides the fact that I have to wait until the middle of July to find out if I have cancer, and the fact that my aunt just got told that she has cancer... o and put aside the fact that my Ex(my first and thus far only) Master is in love with someone else, and no longer wants to talk to me I think I have done really well to not go out and drink until I can't see.

And I still want to get involved more with the local scene. Maybe then it would be easier to find a playmate who is open to a relationship. The last few guys I have talked to, two of which I have met, aren't open at all to a committed relationship. "It will never happen" one of them said.

Is it me, or are most Doms like that. One dom, whom I have yet to meet, and probably wont even told me that LTRs and Love are something to be found only in "Vanilla" relationships.

Another told me that D/s and BDSM have nothing to do with one another. And yes while you can have D/s without all kinks can you have BDSM without the D/s????

Then there are the ones who only want sex. If i wanted that Id go to a club.

This exhausting search for Mr. Right is enough to make me cry, scream and break someone's nose. I just don't get it. Shouldn't the search be fun and exhilarating. Full of dates to laugh over, as well as those ones to dream about.

I don't know. I think I am about to give up. I'm sick of falling asleep alone,and waking up alone. I know most of you will say Im young to want this so much, or that I just have to be patient and it will eventually happen. I don't want eventually, I want now. Even if not a Mr. Forever, a Mr. Now who lasts longer then a month or two would be good.