Being a Good Dom

[Alex Bragi]

When I first embrassed BDSM a very wise dom told me: "In this lifestyle you never stop learning." I now believe a good dominant is one who "never stops learning". I also believe:

Being a good dominant is not about constantly feeding your ego or superiority complex. Sexually submissive men and women are neither superior nor inferior, they've simply chosen different roles.

Being a dominant doesn't mean you have inherent control over every submissive you meet. You must work to gain their trust and respect.

If you have to run around telling everyone what a great dom you are, then maybe you're not. Let your deeds speak for you.

If you have to keep bragging and talking about how "experienced' you are, maybe you're past all the action, and talk is all you have left.

Being a 'r/t', verses a v/t, dom does not necessarily make you a better, or more knowlegeable, dominant. How you choose to express your dominance, and the kind of relationship you have with your submissive, is entirely your business and nobody else's.

And finally, fine, give yourself a title of nobility, but remember you will still need to earn respect just like everyone else does.

[Ozme52]

No arguement there from me.


Fortunately we wizards are above all this.

[Alex Bragi]

Thank you, all, for your positive feedback. I was a little apprehensive about posting this at first.

No arguement there from me.

Fortunately we wizards are above all this.

Yea, I know that. Hey, we all know that because we all know you, Oz. *gg*

*gg* Uncle Ed, you're adoreable! *hugs* It's so nice to have you back.

[angelic.zest]

Thank you for sharing,Alex!!!! totally agree wholeheartedly

[TomOfSweden]

Being a dominant doesn't mean you have inherent control over every submissive you meet. You must work to gain their trust and respect.

If you have to run around telling everyone what a great dom you are, then maybe you're not. Let your deeds speak for you.

If you have to keep bragging and talking about how "experienced' you are, maybe you're past all the action, and talk is all you have left.

MUAHAHAHAHA! I just blew tea out my nose. I've met so many "masters" who fit these descriptions. They're all flashing before me. hahahahah. ....can't breath....HAHAHAHAHA

[moptop]

What a lovely, sane post Alex. For some reason we need a little bit of fresh air to be blown through the forums at the moment.

(And - Tom -

MUAHAHAHAHA! I just blew tea out my nose. I've met so many "masters" who fit these descriptions. They're all flashing before me.

note - it's generally the subs that do the flashing! Ask Tess!)

[Logic1]

note - it's generally the subs that do the flashing! Ask Tess!)

ROFLMAO

[tessa]

note - it's generally the subs that do the flashing! Ask Tess!)

Hey! I resemble that remark. I'll have you know that I haven't flashed anyone...ok, I was gonna say "lately", but as I just flashed Devil, I guess that's not entirely true. And yesterday, I flashed Red, but that was unintentional. And I was wearing something new, found out about them from here actually- panties? Anyone else ever heard of those? Red was shocked that I knew about them. So that flash doesn't count. I'll just say that I haven't flashed anyone (outside the walls of my house) in, oh, a few weeks now.

What a lovely, sane post Alex. For some reason we need a little bit of fresh air to be blown through the forums at the moment.

I couldn't agree more, moptop. Alex, another brilliant post.

[Dragon's muse]

And I was wearing something new, found out about them from here actually- panties? Anyone else ever heard of those?

i wish to know more of these things called "panties". Are they a new kind of flogger? Do they need batteries? What kind of welt do they leave? Inquiring minds want to know.

[tessa]

i wish to know more of these things called "panties". Are they a new kind of flogger? Do they need batteries? What kind of welt do they leave? Inquiring minds want to know.

They leave wedgies, not welts. A very unwelcome feature. Oh, and they aren't waterproof. Not at all, so battery usage may be prohibited. They were more like some flimsy chastity device that's just for show (not flashing...useless for flashing). Not to my liking and I don't recommend them at all.

But they were a cute shade of purple. That's the only good thing I have to say about them.

[John56{vg}]

Alex my dear,

Wonderful wonderful words and I agree with all of them.

You Alex are a Master of words and I appreciate you more and more with each reading.


John

[Guest 91108]

a great post Alex Bragi , and a thread that is long overdue.
Now if we can just get some to read it and understand that these traits you listed are not good and even defeating those who use them ...

[Laila]

Being a dominant doesn't mean you have inherent control over every submissive you meet. You must work to gain their trust and respect.

And finally, fine, give yourself a title of nobility, but remember you will still need to earn respect just like everyone else does.

Thank you for expressing it like that! I constantly get to hear I'm not a real sub or not a real whatever because I refuse to act very submissive before the man's demenour, intelligence, creativity etc. makes me want to submit to him.

Also for me, but that's more a feeling that something I could adequately put into words a Dom doesn't truely and actually enjoy inflicting pain or humiliation. If I get the feeling that is what he is all about I am so turned off!
How it is that sometimes he does both and has fun with it without that being the prime reason for enjoying himself... well I might need help about this point from an actual Dom.

[Guest 91108]

...

Also for me, but that's more a feeling that something I could adequately put into words a Dom doesn't truely and actually enjoy inflicting pain or humiliation. If I get the feeling that is what he is all about I am so turned off!
How it is that sometimes he does both and has fun with it without that being the prime reason for enjoying himself... well I might need help about this point from an actual Dom.

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

[jeanne]

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

Wolfscout - thanks for that insight - I too have struggled with trying to "understand" what my husband gets out of this (other than the obvious sexual component ) and your explanation makes sense to me.

Have a wonderful day,
jeanne

[Logic1]

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

this pretty much speaks for me aswell. and definitely well put Alex.

the amount of wise men and women here is astonishing to say the least.

/tips the hat to you

I would or could NEVER hit/beat a women ever but spankings and those kinds of things is a whole different matter from my pov.

[Austerus]

hrm .. interesting....
besides spanking * coughs * ....
I find that the giving of some torment or pain is not about the pain I inflict; but watching her overcome the torment/pain. Knowing that during that time she is thinking only of the moment. She is focused and aware of more of herself than any other time. Makes her more feminine to me to know of her awareness of self... And that she is giving of herself to me in this manner is such a pleasure. there in lies the enjoyment for me if there is any ...
Does that help ?

I think this is pretty dead on For me and my wife there is another aspect here too. She doesn't particularly -like- pain a lot, but she -loves- feeling submissive and possessed. On the other side, I love feeling dominant and possess(ing?)

So for us at least, the inflicting of torment isn't really -about- the torment, if that makes any sense. It's about my seeing how she willingly submits to -me-, about my joy in seeing her submission to me, about her seeing/feeling that joy and feeling joy in return for pleasing me/submitting/feeling possessed. It creates an "emotional feedback loop" if that doesn't sound too trite, in which torment is merely the catalyst, rather than the ends either of us are looking for.

/ramble off

[jeanne]

So for us at least, the inflicting of torment isn't really -about- the torment, if that makes any sense. It's about my seeing how she willingly submits to -me-, about my joy in seeing her submission to me, about her seeing/feeling that joy and feeling joy in return for pleasing me/submitting/feeling possessed. It creates an "emotional feedback loop" if that doesn't sound too trite, in which torment is merely the catalyst, rather than the ends either of us are looking for.

Oh, oh, my - exactly! And not trite at all!

[gloombunny]

Also for me, but that's more a feeling that something I could adequately put into words a Dom doesn't truely and actually enjoy inflicting pain or humiliation. If I get the feeling that is what he is all about I am so turned off!

What's wrong with enjoying infllicting pain and humiliation?

[sweetpeaz]

you've made me think...thank-you

[davidnhisgirl]

Wonderful post. Thanks so much for it.

emi

[Warbaby1943]

As usual Alex, you speak logically. You make so much sense and I have always liked your posts. This one should make everyone think and hopefully see things the way they are. I see nothing in your words to even try to debate. Even outside of the BDSM world we must continue to learn in order to grow. Once we close our minds to knowledge and experiences we may as well give up. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

[MajesticFae]

That's how I see it too, Alex... Very eloquently put. Bravo.

[Clevernick]

Alex, I've seen these sentiments before in a few places, but never so succinctly and clearly written.

Thanks again for a wonderful posting. You give me confidence in myself.

[pixie_dust]

Excellent post, Alex. Thank you so much for summing things up so wonderfully.

[Uncle_Ed]

Thank you Alex. Having read your post I can see now that I've learned it all and have nothing more that anyone can teach me.

I am clearly superior now to all the little people here who should worship my every word.

All subs should hear my name and cower before me.

I am now and forever the greatest Dom.

My experience is beyond your comprehension and my abilities have only increased with age.

I am r/v and that is the One True Way.

Earl Ed de Gruntfuttock Uncle-1st class. (Ward 5D)

[smilie]

wonderful post alex thank you

[Slave Kitty Sivesh]

Awesome post, and very true

[Rhabbi]

Great post Alex, not sure how I missed it before. Thank you for the good words.

[Sir_Russell]

[Being a good dominant is not about constantly feeding your ego or superiority complex. Sexually submissive men and women are neither superior nor inferior, they've simply chosen different roles.

Being a dominant doesn't mean you have inherent control over every submissive you meet. You must work to gain their trust and respect.

And finally, fine, give yourself a title of nobility, but remember you will still need to earn respect just like everyone else does.[/QUOTE]

Yes I hand selected the parts I wanted to comment on.

First one, my slave is a much better brighter person then me. I would serve her if my inner me would allow it.

Second, this one floors me, I am so amazed at the stupid "Doms" that feel since they have self decreed themselves to be Doms that they can boss and order around all subs. The reality is that a sub wants to please, it is part of their nature. The sub may do your bidding if it is reasonable but that doesn't mean you have the right to order the sub. If this idiot gives orders to mine he will have to deal with me. If he give orders to an uncommitted sub and then berates that sub for non-compliance then he should have to deal with all of us.

Third, I have all ways felt I was a knight errant or maybe it is errant knight but my Sir is actually a title given to me by my Guild. I feel it fits and I spend my life living by honor, respect and pride.

Thanks Alex well stated