Trying to be sane, kinky, bi, a mom, and a sub all at once?

[subtlescreams]

Hi

Help.

Im new to the lifestyle, since about spring, actually september really when my MAN became my live in b/f. Im slowly exploring my kinky and submissive side.

Slooooooowly getting comfortable adding other people to the mix, although my MAN had been eager for it, because he knows Im bi and have had a few experiences. Im shy, but I want to please him.

Well Friday night we had a friend of ours, and a few of his friends over, and we met this woman, I'll call her Bea. Bea is appart from her DOM and husband because of immigration, but she plays with his permission. And she was cool, and I just felt comfortable with her.

So we invited a bunch of people over for supper sunday night, but only her and her 11 year old came over... eventually we drove her son back to his grandma's for the night , but my son did not fall asleep. (and we're talking like 930 pm by this point) I put him to bed with a video and hoped he'd crash
while the grownups went downtairs.

Things get interesting downstairs, Im kissing Bea, were touching, all under the direction and care of my loving MAN. It was FABULOUS, but then we hear little feet upstairs.

I go redirect my son back to bed.

More stuff... kissing, fondling, sucking, touching...
Little feet.

And again and again, then things were really interesting we were both sucking his cock and touching each other, her hand was about to get into my pants ....and then my son walked right into the kitchen, which is the top of the stairs, and didnt want to sleep. And "I hear everything, the furnace and your tv, and everything...."

(there wasnt much talking going on, so he didnt hear anything explicit)

Most nights he sleeps from 8 pm on. Today he didnt. But I lost it. I started crying, I was horny, frustrated, and felt like I wasnt pleasing my guest or my MAN. Both my MAN and Bea were very understanding, but I felt very discouraged like its not ok to want what I want.

Today I just feel like I need over night sleep overs for him. Normally he has one a week anyway.

Just want to know how other parents handle this all. Im so new to this!!!!
Hell Im even new to dating /living with a MAN as a single mom. Never mind throwing another person into the mix.

Oh and my son talks about everything. No secrets. Hes a blabbermouth. Tells on me for smoking, drinking wine, everything even stuff thats not a problems. Its just his age.

[J-Go]

Well, as you probably already know threads like this are going to bring allot of opinions and when it comes to children, hard opinions...so here is mine.

I have two sons that are for the most part grown, 15 and 19. The 19 y.o. is out of the house at college and the 15 y.o. is, well 15 (LOL) interested in friends, girls and activities. For me, how I dealt with them growing up was simple, their needs came first over my wants, needs or desires. Let me take this time to qualify. I said needs not wants or whims. I committed to fill their needs as children and little humans put in my care for a simple reason, I chose them they did not choose me. I chose to be a father, I chose to bring them into the world and under my roof. Now, I’m sure at some point in this thread someone will argue “we don’t always choose our children, many are results of teenage pregnancy, or rape or whatever.” How ever it went down if we have children living under our care we chose that…period. (Hard Limit for me).

So to your situation, children sense company in the house and often feel something exciting is going on and they hate to miss out…in your case boy was he right! I don’t know the age of your child but I’m pretty sure you don’t want him skipping down the stairs to find mommy naked with a face full of…(well you get the picture). What this really means is you will have to plan your “connections” a little better. I realize it puts a damper on spontaneity but hey welcome to parenting…sorry to be tough here but that’s the choice you made. Don’t cry about what you are not getting, you have a great gift your child…the lifestyle can wait and if the people you are involved care for you they will understand your first commitment. If not, well they just don’t understand priorities very well.

Talk to the man in your life, if he cares about you he will care about your child. If he doesn’t don’t walk from the relationship RUN! My guess is if he is a true Dom committed to his sub, he will be exceptional to your child. Good luck substlscreams and remember…It’s only life!

[subtlescreams]

Thanks J-go. My son is 4. Last night was the first time we had someone over to play, and I thought my son would fall asleep. Especially by 11pm! Normally he's asleep by 7 or 8 at the latest.

My MAN understands I have a son. He lives with us, and the fact I have a son was a serious point of discussion before my MAN moved in. Even regular (well not regular, but pretty run of the mill ordinary with biting and spanking) sex happens with my son asleep and often we use the basement and not the bedroom next to my son. (my house has an odd layout, privacy is difficult). My MAN is good to me, and to my son,he's stepping slowly and carefully into a parent role, so thats important that we keep it going well. As a Dom, he's also just very good at setting limits with my son, and yet not stepping on my parental toes.

Im all ears for peoples thoughts and opinions. A friend of mine has a dungeon in his basement, he's an openly gay custodial dad and that is even more of being careful than last time. An embittered ex lover called the police during a gay night at the dungeon and social services investigation ensued. Locks on the door to the dungeon saved him. My thoughts about his running a dungeon and publicizing it are mine, but to me there is a difference in some play and a whole party scene going on while the child is home. But maybe not. maybe I have to just play when my son is out. Im new, Im trying to figure it all out.

[crazy_grrluk]

chuckles.....joys of having kids.
we have 2 wonderful nosey blabbering kids...and nothing goes past them.
even right down to our eldest (11) asking if she can sleep at a friends house cos apparantly we keep her awake at night :s LOL

[Sir_Russell]

you have hit the age old question which is how much do we protect our kids from what we like and do that we feel should not be known.

As open as I am about who and what I am, I allowed wife/slave to hide who and what she was from the kids. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this and how it ruined our marriage.

So I advise you to plan for these thing in advance, because the kids do need to be protected from seeing mom and dad together so seeing mom, dad and others in action probably falls into that category too.

You have already hit on the easiest solution, sleep overs for the son, or baby sitter and go to a hotel/motel for play.

[subtlescreams]

My problem is I hadnt thought about it in detail, because a) this was the first time b) I wasnt expecting play to occur and c) my son is usually asleep. We will consider it more in the future. My MAN has more experience in this and yet we never considered the what if....?

Thank you for your advice/thoughts on the subject.

[Arria]

I am with J-Go here, keep it away from your child. My own son is 11 y.o. and I don´t even let him go online without me being present - call me old-fashioned, but I want him to learn about sex the old-fashioned way, by asking his Mom/Dad what he does not know, and later on by starting with holding hands and kissing, all that :-)

And only after that, he might find out about other roles and ways to play... all in its due time. What I would NOT want to see is him learning by watching gross things (and there ARE some gross things out there) on the web or by running in on a scene. If we play at home the bedroom door is locked and we don´t get overly loud so the sounds he may hear don´t differ much from regular lovemaking (please imagine what it would be like for a kid to hear Mommy scream her lungs out...); and if kiddie would come knocking, he would find no chains or anything when we open the door.

Moreover, if you keep your lifestyle away from your kid, the authorities will not have any means of taking your kid away from you because you might damage his "psychological development" or something like that...

Play loud or with other people only when your kid is not around. Yes it might be less often, but all the more precious for that...

Oh, and trust me on that, kids DO know when something exciting is going on! *laughs* My kid is usually asleep quickly after the lights are out, but if we have company (nothing kinky, mind), he keeps coming back at least twice. Hmmm grown-ups talking and laughing, what does he miss??

Best wishes and good luck.

Arria

[funtime37]

i would agree with most of the comments about what to do with kids. and having been one my self any time my parents had company over sleep was the last thing on my mind. Even knowing the fact that all they did was play card with the neighbors. of course i was playing my self but that is a another matter all together. so i would suggest that you work on finding a regular nite that you could get your son to spend out of the house.
i know you said the what happened was the first time i am sure you hope it will not be the last. so the thing is to plan. if by chance you might find a friend or relative that you might be able to seed you son over to spend the nite at the last minute would be ideal or at the very least maybe you could trade with a family that would need to get their kids out of the house for an adult nite (could be cards or any thing) then they could help you out also. having kids is great but that doesn't mean i like have them around 24/7.

[Cullens_girl_shiv]

I have to throw my 2 cents in here as a parent of a 10 year old who is going on 26 lol. Children have an uncanny knack for sensing when something is going on - especially when it's something you don't want them to know about. My Husband and i frequently joke about my son having "ruin the kink radar" because if we were just lying there talking or wrestling, no boy. The second we got - well - grown up about things, there would be a knock on the door because he needed something. And another mood dies lol. As somebody said, the joys of having kids.
That being said, it is possible to play with your child at home (provided he/she is asleep and you have a private spot to do so) and i'd like to bring up a point here - what do you do when little ears overhear a piece of a scene and they want to know what you were doing in there?
There was an article on Red's Realm ages ago that dealt with this exactly. Basically, the response to the question is age appropriate - you're never going to come out and tell your kid in gory detail about the great scene you had last night, but shape the response to the age. A small child with big ears need only be told that mom and dad were playing "grownup games" while an older child might be told that while what they heard sounded a little scary (im assuming scene here lol can you tell?) that nothing happened that was not consensual and everything is still ok in your (the parent's) world.
Yes, a million times yes, being a kinky parent takes extra planning and some extra care, but it IS POSSIBLE to have a life with your children around, i promise!