advice?

[kosher]

I feel stuck and I really do not know what to do… I’m pretty new to all of this and I some how got stuck in a triangle of doom… ok not of doom but yea… it started a couple weeks ago I met a man and we decided to take things farther. Well this was all fine until his slave found out (who I did not even know existed). Well she was obviously hurt but things got worked out and now the three of us get together from time to time and she has become one of my best friends… recently he became a mentor of sorts and has been helps me sort through some things which normally would be fine but both his slave and I noticed hes started treating me differently… Hes been reaching out to control. I think his intentions are very different then what is ok by his slave. While I was talking to her we both came to the conclusion that in a sense he is trying to make me a sister… when she talked to him he says its all about teaching but I seriously doubt it. So now I feel extremely stuck. I care about them both and I know what she is ok with but I also know he is pushing boundaries… I do not know if anyone can even give me a hint of advice but I thought id throw it out there and see if anyone has any input… I have tried talking to him about it and he just says do not worry about her, he does not seem to understand that we both think that he is trying to make us into some sort of poly relationship. I mean it is obvious when he starts looking up and joining poly based groups… I trust him and he really has helped me but I feel he is pushing for things she will never be ok with. I do not know what I should do… : /

[jeanne]

First of all...in only a couple of weeks you have met him, started playing, met his slave, become best friends...and now he wants to turn you all into a poly family, which he got a bad start on by lying to you about the existence of his slave?

Um...yeah. She doesn't want it, you don't want it, so don't do it.

[kosher]

well it is more the couple weeks i guess that wasnt completely accurate... and he didnt lie about her he just failed to mention her... yes i know it sounds like im an idot. right now im more concerned about her then him anyways sooo i wouldnt even dream of a poly family because it wouldnt be for the right reasons at all and i would never be happy... i guess my real issue is making him stop with out him thinking i did it because of her because i know he will assume it was her fault...

[Miner]

well it is more the couple weeks i guess that wasnt completely accurate... and he didnt lie about her he just failed to mention her... yes i know it sounds like im an idot. right now im more concerned about her then him anyways sooo i wouldnt even dream of a poly family because it wouldnt be for the right reasons at all and i would never be happy... i guess my real issue is making him stop with out him thinking i did it because of her because i know he will assume it was her fault...

Ok -

1: he "failed to mention" his existing slave. That is a lie by omission. It demonstrates a lack of trustworthiness.
2: he is ignoring her wishes on poly. He doesn't see to give a toss about her emotional welfare, does he.
3: he is ignoring your wishes on poly. Ditto about your emotional welfare.

I'd say he's just demonstrated conclusively that he can't be trusted. He lied (and continues to lie) to you both. He ignores your concerns and limits for his own fantasies.

I'd say - run, don't walk, to the nearest exit if you want to avoid some serious unhappiness. You can't trust him on this. What makes you think you'll ever trust him fully after this on anything dealing with your emotions?

[Archeon]

He sounds like yet another person who is just looking to live out his fantasies and fetish's at the expense of anyone else.

These people are all too common, avoid at all costs.

Regards,

Arch

[fetishdj]

He sounds like yet another person who is just looking to live out his fantasies and fetish's at the expense of anyone else.

These people are all too common, avoid at all costs.

Regards,

Arch

I would just like to point out that he is by no means living out MY fantasy... Sorry, could not resist pointing out that piece of apostrophe abuse

Seriously... you do need to consider that he lied once (albeit by omission and that does not make it ok) and he is trying to subvert both of your wishes. How much have you talked about this? I mean, seriously talked about it - all three of you in the same room, no BDSM roles, calm collected environment with lots of frank discussion possibly with a neutral 3rd party present? This may be worthwhile doing - it gives him the chance to say his piece in a less emotional manner, gives you the chance to state your objections and for him to answer them. This way you are no longer at a deadlock - him stating what he wants, you refusing it - there is a chance to move forward in one direction or the other. Whatever the outcome, if done fairly, this will mean everyone is happier because they had a fair chance.

[Archeon]

I would just like to point out that he is by no means living out MY fantasy... Sorry, could not resist pointing out that piece of apostrophe abuse
.

*insert excuse for incompetence here*

[denuseri]

HUGS my dilly sisa!

I am so sorry to hear your having some dificulties there. It can be really hard to find compatable people in r/l and sometimes when we even get close, we can get very clingy and dont wish to end things.

I reccomend you re-read your post. I think you allready know whats right for you.

I see no reason why you cant remain friends with the submissive, but I would keep in mind that that dominant sounds like he is full of alterior motivations.

The only times poly has worked for me for any length of time was when ALL parties knew the score and agreed upfront by mutual 100% consensus to be cool, and even then sometimes there were complications later.

I wish you the best of luck!

[kosher]

Well this has changed a bit because on Sunday I sat down with him and we had a really long talk and we understand each other a lot better. I think he understand what I am ok with and that he was crossing a lot of lines. Also he knows my feistyness would easily come out and bite him if he doesn't back off and such... yup yup.... I did know what was right for me I just need to make sure I wasn't completely insane I guess....