We scened tonight and....

[ValKyrie]

I flogged him and was beating on his lilly white behind when he turned on me. I had him shackled to a spreader bar, which was not secured to anything. He reached for me and yelled, "Don't."

Previously, what I was doing would elicit some growls, but we have talked about that. He says that part of his sub space is to go into an almost aggressive mode before going into his quiet space.

Anyway, I wasn't afraid by his reaction, but was at a loss concerning what to do. So I stopped and we moved on to something gentler.

He later apologized, at which point, I reminded him to use safe words. They are there for us to communicate as well as to give me that freedom and power to do what I like. I told him I have to trust him to use them, in order for us to successfully move within our BDSM.

I was wondering if anyone had any thoughts or insights they could share.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

You did the right thing. Good for you.

[Ruby]

So glad you changed tactics even though he didn't use the safe word(s).

I'm not sure what his vocabulary is like beyond growling,
but Lord knows in an intense moment the right word doesn't always
come springing from my lips. Complicated safe words like
"watermelon" are totally beyond me.

If he's having trouble using them, then perhaps when he
says "don't" or something of that nature, you can ask him
if he meant - whatever word you have for "slow down" or "stop".
Then have him repeat the word after you.
The easier to say and remember, the faster that word or words
will become a habit.

Best of luck in taking it to the next level.

[NiceMaster]

Next time he does this just ask him again if he want to use his safe word (he doesn't need to really use it as he may forget it !)

[ValKyrie]

Thank you for your responses.

Typically, I would have confirmed his safe word, but found myself filled with a number of emotions that I hadn't previously experienced when engaging in S and M before.

Primarily, I was very disappointed with myself for letting the situation get to that point. Lessons learned, I suppose.

[slavelucy]

Primarily, I was very disappointed with myself for letting the situation get to that point.

Can i ask, how do you mean, disappointed in yourself? About what?

sl

[csr]

Thank you for your responses.

Typically, I would have confirmed his safe word, but found myself filled with a number of emotions that I hadn't previously experienced when engaging in S and M before.

Primarily, I was very disappointed with myself for letting the situation get to that point. Lessons learned, I suppose.

ValKyrie; You shouldn't be dissappointed in you... I think one of the hardest parts for a domme is to know how far to go on any given day. I struggle and fight back often--sometimes I panic thinking the pain is too much "this time."

As soon as she senses that, she stops and asks "you want me to stop?" If I nod my head it is as good as using a safeword. If I realize at that point that I'm still really enjoying the scene, I'll shake my head no--which is a commitment to continue. I can still safeword anytime, but this type of check is just for her to confirm that what she is doing isn't too hard for me.

Personally, I find that shake of the head to be very erotic in itself. If I say "no" then I'm turning over more power, in a sense. Sometimes it takes me 30 seconds or more to clear my head enough and make that decision. Sitting there, bound, breathing heavily, heart racing, deciding whether to nod or shake my head, while she sits close holding the instrument of my soon-to-be torture is a climactic moment in my journey of submission.

Maybe your sub was wrestling with submission too... I often will sheild myself if I can--not because I want to, but as a natural reaction. Last night I broke two chains that I thought normally were strong enough to hold me, I was struggling so hard. Of course I was punished more for it (gee, darn).