Chatroom and wet toes

[Qmoq]

Hello there,

This topic has probably been discussed before, but I thought I'd raise it again. It's more of a question for the (unattached) bdsm lifestylers.

The topic is the chatroom. I'm quite a regular in the chatroom, and I really do like it. However, someone just came into the room and said "is this room still mild, or can you meet lifestylers?"

Made me think. A few other threads have expressed similar snobbery towards the milder online community - is that how the rest of you lifestylers think?

I've had a lot of fun in the chatroom. I entered as a completely vanilla but curious person, and I've met a few friendly chatroom people in real life and hope to meet more. Some of the people I've met are genuine serious bdsm people, and they welcomed me warmly, so I know you're not all snobs!

I personally think roleplaying is a fine, safe way for an uncertain person to find out how kinky they are. It's a safe way to imagine how you would feel groping person A, whipping person B, and having wax poured on you by persons C through G.

There are definitely plenty of pompous and illiterate people in the chatroom, and many genuine subs don't go there because pinheaded "doms" come in and expect to be worshipped. I'm not saying it's perfect, but don't dismiss all roleplayers as horny teenagers with fertile imaginations!

Sometimes you need to get your toes wet before you dive right in.

Q

[Tojo]

A topic dear to my heart Qmoq. I've been interested in BDSM since before I knew what it was & in D/s for a long time.

The more I explore forums & sites, the more I see a division between the 'hard & heavies' & the people such as myself who are just not interested in bullwhips & nailing body parts to a plank.

I also find many in R/L relationships look down on those in online ones.

It's sad to see that while this kinky community is generally composed of intelligent broadminded individuals, there's plenty of 'my way is right- yours is wrong'. People who say unless you do it my way, you're merely 'playing' at the lifestyle.

A very sad state of affairs indeed.

I notice however that I seem to have no trouble finding girls to play with & have one collared to me. Perhaps I'm doing alright?

I always thought it was meant to be fun when you get right down to it?

I wonder too sometimes, how many new people are scared off by the pressure to 'get hard or get out?'

Tojo

[DemonGoddess]

I wonder too sometimes, how many new people are scared off by the pressure to 'get hard or get out?'

Tojo

When I first started comming to the chatroom I did alot more roleplaying then I would ever consider doing now. and somethings that I would never do now. Part of it was because of this attitued but also because of other things that happend in my past.

I also think that there are fewer people with that attitude around the room now days.

[caged]

I feel compelled to reply to some of the points in this post from Tojo:

...................
I also find many in R/L relationships look down on those in online ones.

It's sad to see that while this kinky community is generally composed of intelligent broadminded individuals, there's plenty of 'my way is right- yours is wrong'. People who say unless you do it my way, you're merely 'playing' at the lifestyle.

I have to add that it works the other way too. There are those who frown upon or don't like to hear about the activities of real-lifers.. or merely the fantasies of people whose kinks seem 'worse' than the average. People who say unless you do it our way, you are sick/disgusting.

A very sad state of affairs indeed.

I notice however that I seem to have no trouble finding girls to play with & have one collared to me. Perhaps I'm doing alright?

................

I wonder too sometimes, how many new people are scared off by the pressure to 'get hard or get out?'

In the room at here at present, there is certainly NO such pressure. Quite the complete opposite at times

Tojo

[Tojo]

I have to add that it works the other way too. There are those who frown upon or don't like to hear about the activities of real-lifers.. or merely the fantasies of people whose kinks seem 'worse' than the average. People who say unless you do it our way, you are sick/disgusting

Yes a very good point caged, thanks for reminding me of that.

My first post on this thread looks rather smarmy to me, I might add.

I do get the odd PM though from new people who have been harassed- both in the chatroom & on the forum. There's always someone when you have a membership of more than 18,000.

Most handle it with a polite refusal, or just ignoring the 'invitation' but it does upset some people. I'm concerned that if X amount of people do mention it to others, there must be some who are frightened off.


Tojo

[slavebrat]

I'll admit Q there are many who are more mild than extreme. What did this person mean by is this room still mild? Me, right now I would say I am on the mild side of things and I know with more knowledge I aquire in the lifestyle I will become more toward the other side. Does that mean I will be extreme? I don't know, just depends on what is on the extreme side.

Sounds more like the person who made the comment wanted to cause turmoil...I don't know..I don't go to the chatroom.

[Qmoq]

Thanks for your replies, guys. In answer to your question, slavebrat, the gal in question meant that the chatroom was just full of online only fantasists, only looking for a cheap and quick thrill.

And in answer to your points, Tojo, I agree! But I think you're being a bit hard on the forum posters - there's plenty of disagreement about how subs/Dom(me)s should act, but I don't think I've seen any flame-posts, people getting snotty with each other. Maybe I've not looked hard enough. Heh.

Q

[Ozme52]

Thanks for your replies, guys. In answer to your question, slavebrat, the gal in question meant that the chatroom was just full of online only fantasists, only looking for a cheap and quick thrill.

Q

LOL... Got a name?

[JadeStar69]

I'm new at this and I want to know, how does one chose a Mistress?

[submissivewife]

I'm new at this and I want to know, how does one chose a Mistress?

Welcome JadeStar69 Post in the personals.

[Tojo]

Sorry JadeStar69, didn't see you there....

Yes post in the personals as subwife says, also feel free to post an intro in the 'introductions' & tell us about yourself.

Good Mistresses (& good Masters) are in short supply it seems, & it's a very personal choice. Just put down what you want & hope someone sees it who's suitable.



Tojo

[Mistress Orchid]

LOL only online people go to the chatroom hrm? Well I frequent the chatroom, and rarely do I go there LOOKING for a cheap thrill. I find the chatroom light hearted and like minded people flirting and just relaxing. I know a couple of members IRL, my released pet goes there at times, so I know its more than just "light". I think that person just didnt frequent it often enough. Most people in the chatroom when they are doing a scene move to private chat, though I like to do them publically.

Last year in fact, we had quite a lot of fun doing a court trial! We all had roles to play, I was the judge. It was fun, and quite a bit of whipping went on during. *smiles*

[Qmoq]

Hi Ozme, Yes she has! But apart from being a little snobbish, she was otherwise pleasant, so I don't want to disparage her too much. As Aretha Franklin once sang "R.E.S.P.E.C.T."

Hehe.

Course, if she'd been a bitch throughout, I'd have been the first person to pin her picture to the dartboard and aim for her nostrils.

Cheers,

Q

[Tojo]

And in answer to your points, Tojo, I agree! But I think you're being a bit hard on the forum posters - there's plenty of disagreement about how subs/Dom(me)s should act, but I don't think I've seen any flame-posts, people getting snotty with each other. Maybe I've not looked hard enough. Heh.

Yeah you're right Q- but I'm a member of a few different forums, this one's not too bad.

I've got a bit of a thing about this- it's not so much flaming & outright argument, more a never ending series of hints & comments.

I guess it just carries through from the 'real world'-the intolerance for difference. I'm far from innocent myself, as you see by my 'nailing body parts to a board' comment.

Tojo

[Ozme52]

Hi Ozme, Yes she has! But apart from being a little snobbish, she was otherwise pleasant, so I don't want to disparage her too much. As Aretha Franklin once sang "R.E.S.P.E.C.T."

Hehe.

Course, if she'd been a bitch throughout, I'd have been the first person to pin her picture to the dartboard and aim for her nostrils.

Cheers,

Q

LMAO... What makes you think I was asking for anything other than prurient reasons?

[Qmoq]

Grins, Ozme. Why do I think you were asking for something other than prurient reasons? Ooo no reason! But I've read more than my share of revenge fantasy stories in the library to know that mentioning a naughty person's name in the room could provoke all sorts of deviant imagery, as you imagine her roasting on a spit whilst being smeared with rich creamery butter.

And thanks for your comment too, Ms-Orchid, my only regret is that I missed seeing the trial. Lord knows where you put the gavel.

Q

[jennyfer]

Hey Qmoq
Cheating here I know, because I'm an attatched one but...
I'm in a real life relationship and don't at all look down on people in online relationships. There's nothing at all wrong with roleplay and as you rightly pointed out its a good way to learn and explore.
But, what does get me is when people claim to be what they're not. All too often I get people who obviously have no real experience (and in many cases not much online experience) telling me what I do is wrong or giving me instructions on how to conduct a relationship. And as you pointed out you get the people who are pushy or generally arsey from time to time. Not necessarily in this chatroom which on the whole is rather good I think, but on the net as a whole. I'd love to say this is the only reason people look down on people who play online, but a lot of people are just snobs. And a lot of the snobs complaining about you all being 'mild' and there being no 'lifestylers' are often in the same situation themselves, and are lying about it (in my experience)
just a thought. I think you're great, even though you're not as super cool wonderful and hardcore as me

[Ozme52]

...but on the net as a whole...

That hits the nail on the head jennyfer, because the net is full of posers, moreso than in real life because it's even harder to debunk their claims.

The second issue is, every social group, whether informally gathered or formally organized, is full of wannabe elitists. Too many participants dilute their self-perceived sense of superiority. So they can't help but try to knock the competition.

[Uncle_Ed]

Hi fellow Perves (and I mean that in the best possible taste)

As I am new to any chatroom I guess my opinion carries little weight with some peopLe. But, my dears, WHO GIVES A DAMN? There will always be fantasists and snobs out there in the vanilla universe and occasionally a few will breach the walls of virtual playland and wander around making "tut tut" noises or taking the p**s.
I seriously question if we even need to consider these folk. After all, if we claim not to be snobs ourselves we should smile at them sweetly and pityingly, pat them on the head (or rump depending upon one's preferences) and send them back into their own safe world.With Presidents Blair and Bush. That'll teach 'em.
I enjoy the chatroom as some of you will have found out. My aim is to have fun and (gently) ridicule everything, myself included (although there's plenty of you who do a good enough job on that score).
I do believe that I should have respect and have been grateful when informed about chaterers(?) who need special consideration.
BUT it comes back to enjoying oneself and sharing the fun with others.We should be able to tolerate the pseuds and quietly pity them. Suppose you had no "real" partner. An imagined one or virtual playmate is pretty damn good as a substitute. If they (pseuds) get off on telling porkies let them.
Personally I get off on this whole scene.Virtual, Vanilla, Dreamsea. It's all pervy and its all fun!
Here endeth the lesson.
Let us play.

[Uncle_Ed]

This may seem odd-replying to myself but in fact this exactly what this is about.
I have chatted in the chatroom for a little over a week and have enjoyed it up to a point. I now understand me more clearly and have come to realise that I need to communicate on more levels than an exchange of words as a "talking" medium.
Writing stories is different as there is time to build character, emotion and so on. It is understood that it is one-way feed and no instant feed-back is possible or expected.
I can now understand how life-stylers can appear to look down on the chatroom. If I seem to be doing so it's my problem and not that of people who enjoy chatting.I envy you the commaradarie that you so clearly have built up and regret that I do lack the ability to participate.
I believe that it may come down to one important factor. That is the lack of body language.
I find the greatest thrill in watching my wife's eyes as we play. She assumes an expression that I am not equipped to describe in words. She takes my breath away. She captivates me. She turns me on so powerfully.Words in this situation are inadequate.
I do write poetry. Poems can portray more emotion than stories but it's such an individual reaction and unless one is a T.S. Eliot or a Shakespeare with a genius above that of most of us, still not good enough to capture the intense excitement of physical interaction.
BDSM is about how one reacts to stimulii. My stories in this genre are not deep and meaningful. My subs cannot be bound and spanked then turn to their Master and profess undying love as that is inappropriate. I try to express certain emotions but more than that try to convey the animal sexuality of the experience.
Perhaps at this point you could accuse me of lacking imagination.
This is not so. I can see an erotic picture and be away on an erotic journey. I read BDSM stories and sit there with the tissues handy (don't laugh-we've all done it!)
Qmoq posed the question of snobbery by lifestylers to milder onliners.
I would like to think that I've gone a small way to discovering why this is.
I'll close by thanking those chatroom people who made me so very, very welcome.
Contrary to how my bowing out of chatting may appear I did enjoy those long hours of amusement and I would say to anybody thinking of trying the chatroom to do so.
It's amazing what you learn.

[Tojo]

Hey Qmoq
Cheating here I know, because I'm an attatched one but...
I'm in a real life relationship and don't at all look down on people in online relationships. There's nothing at all wrong with roleplay and as you rightly pointed out its a good way to learn and explore.
But, what does get me is when people claim to be what they're not. All too often I get people who obviously have no real experience (and in many cases not much online experience) telling me what I do is wrong or giving me instructions on how to conduct a relationship. And as you pointed out you get the people who are pushy or generally arsey from time to time. Not necessarily in this chatroom which on the whole is rather good I think, but on the net as a whole. I'd love to say this is the only reason people look down on people who play online, but a lot of people are just snobs. And a lot of the snobs complaining about you all being 'mild' and there being no 'lifestylers' are often in the same situation themselves, and are lying about it (in my experience)
just a thought. I think you're great, even though you're not as super cool wonderful and hardcore as me

OK -so that was your first post jennyfer? Look forward to some rather incisive comments when you relax & let fly I'm sure!

Seriously, well put- it's great to hear such encouraging comments from a self-confessed 'real lifer'.

Welcome to the forum, great to have you here.

Some pretty darn good points from Oz & Qmoq as well. A jolly good thread.

I'm wondering how many rungs I'll go up, when my experience includes the week of R/L fun I'm planning? Perhaps I can enter these chatrooms & post on the forums??

Tojo

[jennyfer]

Thank you Tojo that was really nice of you

And Qmoq, I don't think we can rule out the bestiality film for teaching us important lessons either :P

[Qmoq]

Thanks Jennyfer - I blushed at your praise and purred at the mental images you gave to me.

And thanks Ozme for an adroit warning. Any pleasant commune will eventually see some people demand power. In this case, that can happen whether they're dom or sub. Has "Animal Farm" (the book, not the bestiality film) taught us nothing? If George Orwell were alive today, he could point to internet chatrooms and say "Ha! See, I was right, suckers." Though he'd more likely begin by suing the ass off of the Big Brother TV Shows.

Q

[Qmoq]

Ooo jennyfer! I didn't notice that it was your first post. Welcome in babe. I've only been posting for a few days, but it's highly addictive.

Good luck with the rungs, Tojo. At the moment I'm holding the base of the ladder with a foot on the first step, looking up at the likes of jennyfer up near the top. Looks mighty interesting, I have to say. And getting it back to the thread, the chatroom (and now the forums) have shown me how best to proceed.

I guess my only comment on bestiality is that in this hi-tech, fast paced, digital world, there's enough men and women who are partnerless, without bringing Fido into the equation...

Q

[Ozme52]

LMSAO - addictive? Try 200+ posts per month..... and I'm not even a moderator... (and thanx but no thanx.... that wasn't a hint. )

[jennyfer]

It was indeed my first post Q, and I hope you're flattered- I only looked in because I saw your name

[Qmoq]

Edmundo, if I understand what you're saying, may I be the first to reply with "noooooo! Please come back to the chatroom!"

I (and others) really liked your gentle commentary on the room's events. You were never mocking and always respectful, and always funny too, though your puns scraped several barrels now and then. Nothing wrong with that, I say.

I think we've gone off topic here, but to return to your first point, I guess you're right - "who gives a damn?" If Mr Stridey Boots ignores the chatroom because he thinks it's too mild, then damn his eyes because he won't be missed. But you will, Edmundo. Take care mate, good luck to you and your wife.

[suchaminx]

hello Edmundo, I hope you look in and see this, come back, the more fun people in the room, the better I say

[Uncle_Ed]

Q and minxie,

*wiping away tears* blimey! Thanks guys.

This is not the sort of thread that I would ever have expected to find on a BDSM site! And I think that it goes to show that there are actual sincere human beings who enjoy the lifestyle without resorting to pushing lighted cigarettes up a non-believers bum to prove the point! (just reviewed this and have to make joke about cigarette butt! apologies)

I am a dedicated lifestyler and have been so for 16 years. I have been to clubs in London, to events to support the "Spanner" hardcore lifers and been befriended by some fairly serious players who turned out to be brilliant professional people who were in it for the fun.

So, can the chatroom be mild and still be the place to meet lifestylers. Bet your arse it can! I say to those who still think that to be serious about BDSM it is necessary to be mean, moody tight-lipped pricks who always wear black and always treat subs as sub-human "your insecurity is showing". A Dom can afford to show emotion, even shock! horror! tenderness when relevant.A true Dom does not have to prove Dom qualities to anyone.Unattacheds-go and play in the chatroom and remember that a mild mannered person with thick-rimmed glasses may not be all that hHe/sShe seems.

In closing I can only hope for those of you putting a foot in the water that you are as lucky as I have been in meeting the perfect partner.

[Ozme52]

I'm baaaaaaaack.... from my trip through the Valley of Death... literally LOL. (invert that for the correct California based National U.S. Monument)

Body language? Edmundo, try playing a bit with the Smilies.... actions bounded between astericks... and the subtle "whisper/action" that you can get by typing

"/me" followed by whatever you want yourself to convey. You can create the chat-equivalent of body language....