question that may have no easy answers

[chris9586]

I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. We've been together for three years now, and have been living together for a little more than one.
When we first began a sexual relationship, I explained to him that I am submissive and enjoy being dominated very much. I told him that while I'm fine with vanilla sex, occasionally the BDSM bug is going to pop up and asked if that's something he could handle. He said he'd try, and he did. It was pretty mild but it worked for a while. When he attempted to dominate, he was pretty good at it, so I'd have to think he has some interest at least.
Now we're having what I call "married sex". I'm sure you all know what I mean I love him very very much, and what the relationship to continue, but the craving is getting severe.
I don't want to step outside of our relationship, but vibrators and fantasies are getting old.
Any thoughts on how to bring back his interest and develop it more?
Thanks for any ideas or comments!!

[Ozme52]

Go to the bedroom.
Strip.
Get on your knees, legs spread wide, hands on your thighs palms up.
Hold a crop, paddle, or flogger between your teeth.
Wait.

If he doesn't take that hint...

[michebe(LD)]

I think the only thing you can do is to talk to him, explian that you need something more, some excitemnet now and again. the key is basically communication.

Mich

[Silke]

I like Oz's idea...

[shins]

Take advantage of the awesome stories on this site. Find some topic that you really like, and create a 'storytime' with him. Expose yourself in your most submissive state, and read the stories to him. Take advantage of the stimulating affect that this will give him. In short, fantasize with him instead of with your vibe. You may find that he reacts very well and he simply needs your confessions to know what is okay with you and what you are needing.

[cariad]

I like Oz's idea too.

cariad

[Warbaby1943]

Find out why he has lost interest and only wants married sex. Maybe he doesn't think he can make you happy because he is not used to being the dominant person in any relationship or maybe he has just run out of ideas, in which case Oz's suggestion would maybe give him a hint. Communication could work out to both of your advantages.

[Ozme52]

But the real point, I think, is that you've already had your open communications. So this may be a simple matter of him not realizing exactly how important you hold this to be.

So remind him.

Go to the bedroom.
Strip.
Get on your knees, legs spread wide, hands on your thighs palms up.
Hold a crop, paddle, or flogger between your teeth.
Wait.

You'll get your answer one way or another.


(Can you tell I/we really want to hear how it turns out?)

[ElectricBadger]

I too have been a victim of married sex, and I know how it is. Not a lack of caring, just...habitual.

Things that have worked for me:

1. Do something New. Drag him into a changing room, or look up a new position, or do some new fantasy -- something that solidly breaks the mold. I would suggest a little more than just a new nightie or porn video, though. Think pushing limits, like, you know, you used to do...way back when?

2. Sometimes sex is habit because, well, it's always THERE. It's so available, that you stop worrying about getting enough, and thus stop getting much at all. I don't why, but it happens. Best response is to clam up for a while; harder as a sub, I know, but still do-able: bet him he can't go without sex for the next two weeks; I suspect you'll both find it on your minds a lot more, and after two weeks you'll have crazy sweaty sex. You'll appreciate what you have a lot more, because you were concious of not having it.


Good luck, and remember that talking logically about having sex doesn't help as much as jumping him on the dining room table. It sounds, though, like the problem is more normal married people issues than bdsm specific.

[orchid]

i like Oz's idea too if we're counting

[Ozme52]

[rce]

Another way of developing Oz's idea might be to do something naughty, that annoys him. When he tells you to stop, tell him back he has to force/spank/"rape" you to make you stop.

[Putnamcocpl]

Oz's Idea is great

How about this idea, You mentioned that the vibrator and stories are getting old... why not try this.. Print 4 of your favorites out.. Highlight and underline the parts that really excite you. Once you have everything printed underlined and highlighted, Wrap them in a ribbon or tissue paper, and present them to him along with a a note, stating simply, read and pay attention to the key parts... and that you want a bit of what he finds a turn on within the pages, in say 6 days time?

We all love spontinatity, but some scenes require advance planning.. Tell him he has this time to "make it happen" add the Please Master to the end of the note and see if that helps

[Flaming_Redhead]

To let my man know what I like, I left a book with highlighted sections in the bathroom and emailed him sexy stories (inserting our names) and pictures. Like rce said, I also like to be a brat and tell him to "make me." Ozme52's idea is a good one!

[suchaminx]

another vote for Oz

Whoops......... meant his idea ~smiles sweetly at Oz~

[Ozme52]