New Year's Resolution: 128 Slave Rules

[Flaming_Redhead]

It's a new year, and that means it's time to reflect on last year and set goals for the coming year. A lot has happened since January 1, 2007. I ended my online relationship and began a relationship in real life. I wear his sterling silver necklace, and after Christmas, I now wear a bracelet and ring. I only have one goal for 2008, and that is to be the best submissive/slave I can possibly be. *laughs* I know it's a bit ambitious, but I have a plan this time. I'm going to read more and keep examining myself. I'm going to communicate better instead of keeping it all to myself. To that end, I'm going to post "128 slave rules" one at a time and do some soul searching.

For January 1, 2008:

Slave Rule #1: i will serve, obey and please my Master.

This rule sounds simple enough, doesn't it? I will serve my Daddy. Hmm. This doesn't sound as simple as I'd first thought. The word "serve" always sticks in my throat. While I might not mind doing things for certain people, I'm positive no one would ever mistake it for servitude. If I'm completely honest, I feel it's somehow beneath me. *nods* Yes, I know. The truth finally comes out. This is why Daddy says I'm not a slave. I don't have the proper attitude for it. He teases me all the time by doing something for me and saying, "You know me. I'm here to serve." *ggls* It's completely wrong, of course! At least, I've always thought so. I assumed he was just poking fun at me, but now, I think I've been missing the point all along. He does serve me. *looks at all the shocked faces* You heard me. What else would you call opening doors/car doors, preparing/cooking food, helping me with car trouble, cheering me up, doing what it takes to bring me to orgasm, etc. Wow! I'm such a slow learner. How could I ever think it's beneath me to serve Daddy when he does so much for me? I will try harder to think of serving in a positive light, not the world, mind you, just Daddy.

I will obey my Daddy. Hmm. This sounds like it could be difficult as well. I've never been one to just obey anyone without question unless I'm in trouble. When Daddy speaks to me a certain way and tells me what to do, I don't argue or question him. I just move to do what he says, like "Go to my room and...." Most of the time, though, he doesn't give me a direct order. This is where I run into trouble. When he says, "I like your hair that way," it isn't a simple comment, as I've discovered. It's his way of telling me what he wants. It's harder for me to "obey" if I perceive that I have a choice in the matter. What he wants, I wouldn't necessarily choose for myself. To choose what he wants over what I want brings me to the last part of the rule.

I will please my Daddy. I want to please him. I really, really do. I love to see him smile and tell me that I'm a good girl. I want him to be happy. However, I'm afraid that sometimes, when I choose to do what pleases him, it leaves me feeling resentful rather than satisfied. I then feel guilty for being so selfish. Of course, when he smiles and thanks me, I feel much better. The problem is that it starts all over when he pushes me to do more. I'm thinking, "Wait a minute here. I just did this for you, and now, you want me to do this?" There's always resistance. I'm disappointed by my feelings, but I'm not sure how to change them so that it doesn't take months to decide to do something that I know would please Daddy. *sigh* Rule #1 sounded so easy in the beginning, didn't it?

[deigja]

Hi red, it´s nice to see (again and again) that you´re as bratty and having as many problems with your attitude as I ;-) It seems to me, life with you is rather not boring (just hope the same is true for life with me)
But why do you plan to make it exactly 128 rules? and why was that one and not three?

greetings, deigja

[Flaming_Redhead]

Hello, deigja, and thank you! I found these rules on another site, and I gave myself this writing assignment to help me focus. I'm posting them separately since I'm analyzing 1 rule per day. This self-analysis stuff is hard! *nods a lot* Now, y'all will see what a bad little sub I really am.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #2: Above all else, my primary focus shall be to please my Master, hoping that He finds me pleasing in all that i do, whether i am in His presence or not. my Master knows of my potential, learning more about me in each day i am with Him. He trusts that i will act in accordance with what He perceives of my potential. He knows what is best for me and how important it is that i set a good example for other females who may be present around me.

Wow! Um...okay...we just moved from a relatively "simple" rule to an entire paragraph! No pressure, right? ha ha ha *sigh* You really have to love the wording "above all else" as if there is nothing in the world that should interfere with pleasing Daddy. AS IF! If I didn't have to work, if I didn't have a child, if I lived with him, etc., then maybe this would be true. *smiles* Honestly, though, he's as close to being my primary focus as you can realistically get. I've often wondered if it's healthy the way I think of him all the time, checking my phone and email to see if I have a message. If he calls while I'm working, I never tell him I can't talk. I'll push almost anything aside to make time for him. The key, here, is that my focus should be on pleasing him, not just himself. Hmm.

I do hope he finds me pleasing in all that I do. *nods a lot* I don't know if I can describe the feeling I get when I know he isn't pleased. There's definitely fear. What, exactly, am I afraid of? I'm afraid that he'll be so unhappy with me that he'll leave. He'll just give up and decide I'm not worth the effort, or he'll discover things about me that he doesn't like and can't deal with. Then, after the initial twinges of fear, there's a sinking sensation as if my heart is falling out of my chest. Yeah, it's pretty bad. It takes a lot of effort not to cry uncontrollably. I can barely speak. I can't possibly make any sense. I just want it to stop. I want to make it all better.

"Whether I am in his presence or not" is rather difficult since I've always viewed girls' night out as "my time" to do what I want. It's how I've always operated, even while married. I drink. I dance. I smoke. I might dress like a slut. I might get naughty and dance with some guy. I might even let him buy me a drink, but then, I have to tell him he's not getting anywhere with me because I'm taken. I dance with the girls. I've even been known to flash people. I've always considered it a kind of mini-vacation from reality since you can't act like that all the time, just a little harmless fun. Well, I guess you could, but...you'd be trash. Daddy thinks I'm better than that. I'm expected to behave as if he's there, watching. EEK! I've been toning it down a bit, only dancing with girls or men in our group and not flashing anyone. I try not to dress too provocatively, but I still want to be hot. It has taken some getting used to. The trade off is that when guys hit on me or look at me I don't feel the same. Yes, I feel I look good for my age, but I look at those men with disdain. They're sleazy, rude and trashy, and they don't have a clue how to handle me. I have a new attitude about men. I don't know if it's better or not. *smiles* Instead of seeing how many heads I can turn, which is fun, I just like seeing how many turn without me trying very hard at all....and knowing that they don't have a snowball's chance in hell. Where was I going with this? Oh, right, Daddy knows best!

As far as being an example to other females, I guess I might be, although I'm not aware of it. It seems like most females, including myself at one time, look down their noses at another female who cares what her man thinks when he's not around. They always say, "what he doesn't know won't hurt him." The truth is they don't care what their man thinks or what he knows. The difference, now, is that I do care what Daddy thinks, and I don't care what my friends think. Yay me!

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #3: i worship my Master.

Being a Christian, I have a problem with this particular rule. Thou shalt have no other gods before me is one of the ten commandments. How can I possibly put Daddy on the same level as a god? *shakes head* It's just wrong. That being said, it sometimes feels as if I do that very thing. Whenever I think about him and the fact that he's with me, of all people, it fills me with awe. I must admit that I've put him on a pedestal. Sometimes, it feels as if he's so far above me that I cannot possibly hope to be perfect enough for him. When he finds time for me, even whilst he's extremely busy with other things, the only feeling I can put words to is gratefulness. Instead of demanding time or to be included, I'll settle for whatever crumbs I can get. While this might seem as it should be, it can be a dangerous thing emotionally. Because of the way I feel about him and myself, I don't feel I can demand anything of him, including respect. If he decides to treat me in a manner that is rude or otherwise unsavory, I'll just take it. *nods* It's true. I'm so intimidated that I can't stand up for myself. I've tried, believe me. His words have such a powerful effect on me. In fact, he doesn't even have to speak. A growl will silence me immediately. It's not his belt I fear for I have seldom felt it. A verbal lashing will shred me quicker than any whip. If the truth be told, I probably fear him more than I fear God. I'm not afraid to talk to God, though I haven't had to deal with him face to face, yet. So far, the only way I've found to communicate with Daddy "safely" is via email. Hmm....it's kind of like praying, isn't it? I can speak my mind without actually hearing anything. If he chooses to respond, I'll know it eventually. *smiles*

[Logic1]

Love the concept to examine and think about one rule a day Voodoochild(fiery red
Congrats to your new life with Voodoman and I do hope it is a good one for both of you
I will follow this thread with great interest.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #4: i worship my Master's body.

I can do this! Yay! *ggls* In fact, I do it a lot. I think he's HOT! A couple of my friends just so happen to agree with me. *winks @ tessa* I love the way he looks in his clothes, very athletic. I've noticed my body responding to him at odd times, like a random hug in the middle of the day or a hand resting on my lower back making my pussy tingle with excitement. *smiles* He catches me gazing at his face when his eyes are closed. I love to lie next to him with my hand resting on his chest, playing with his chest hair. I love to feel his hairy legs parting my legs wide. I love to feel his weight on me. Whew! Is is hot in here? *fans self* However, the best time to worship his body is in the shower. *nods a lot* While I'm bathing him with Bath and Body Works Coconut Lime Verbena shower gel, I can't help but feast my eyes on him. I now have an excuse to examine him up close and personal. His muscular arms, his hairy chest, his round buttocks, his thick legs and, of course, his magnificent cock are all practically drooled on. Well, as a matter of fact, by the time I'm done washing him, ending with his feet, I'm on my knees with his cock at eye level, so...needless to say.....there's a fair bit of drool. *eg* Anyway...um...where was I? Oh, right! Worshipping his body....mmmmm

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #5: The power of my Master fills me with awe. Just the sheer thought of Him or the hearing of His voice gives me strength.

I have often thought about the power Daddy seemingly has over me. Even though I might complain about what he asks me to do, in the end, it gets done...or not done...depending on what it is. At least, it gets done as close as I can manage. I can't quite figure out how he's gotten me this far with such little intervention. *confused look* Heeeeyyyyyy! What in the world has happened to me? How did I become well-behaved? Why am I suddenly uncomfortable talking to my friends? What in the world possessed me to change the color of my hair? Why do I feel like I should ask him before I do anything? It's got to be some kind of dirty trick! *frowns* Every time I think about this, it scares me. How can I change the way I am without loosing myself in the process? With great power comes great responsibility.

Whenever I'm having a bad day and feeling down, a phone call from Daddy makes all the difference. *smiles* He can hear it in my voice. I'm sure anyone else who hears me answer the phone can tell, also, as it's either sickeningly sweet or goes up another octave in excitement. *ggls* As I go about the rest of my day, just the thought of him makes me smile. The fact that he took the time to call and check on me makes me feel special. While I may not believe deep down that everything will be fine, I'm still comforted by his words. I'm reminded that I'm not alone in this world. We are a team!

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #6: To receive pleasure, i must earn it.

This reminds me of the time I asked Daddy to fetch me a glass of Coke because I didn't want to unwrap myself from my warm cocoon. It probably wouldn't have been so bad, except I told him he should do it naked. This was after he'd already fetched the blanket for me because I was cold. *ggls* He brought me the drink, albeit fully clothed. *pout* However, he muttered and grumbled about it the whole time. I kind of felt bad. Then, he did something totally unexpected. He brought me 2 pieces of homemade fudge. He put the bowl in front of me and told me he'd gotten it for me but that I didn't deserve it. *frown* I looked at the fudge and wondered if I should even eat it. I thought that not eating it would be worse since he'd already given it to me. I ate it, but I wondered the whole time what would happen to me if I did. I tried to offer him a piece, but he wouldn't have it. I felt guilty for days and days afterwards.

The moral of the story, I guess, is that I now try harder to be deserving. At least, I try harder not to be undeserving. *ggls* I must admit that I do love it when he does things for me, like bring me dinner on a tray with the food in a divided dish so that nothing runs together. *nods a lot* I also love it when he hand feeds me off his plate. In return, I try to remember to help him clean up after dinner. It's only fair since he did all the cooking. I hear a lot of people have to ask permission to cum. I don't have to ask. I can have as many orgasms as I possibly can as long as I tell Daddy when I'm cumming. There's been an addition to the rule which I'm having difficulty remembering only because I get stupid when I'm cumming. lol I'm supposed to keep telling him when I'm cumming for as long as the orgasm lasts. It's very difficult to think coherently, but I'd really hate to be undeserving of pleasure......I mean...what if he took away my orgasms? *cringes* Or worse? What if he made sure I had the best sex ever, only to tell me afterwards that I didn't deserve any of it, and then, he rolled over and went to sleep? EEK! It shouldn't be so hard to remember a simple thing like telling the man when I'm cumming....cumming.....cumming......not cumming.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #7: i worship my Master's whip.

Daddy doesn't own a whip. *grins* However, he does own several belts. There's something about the sound of the belt being taken off that makes me shiver. It's the second scariest thing he could use. *nods a lot* Whenever I see one lying around, I always hesitate to pick it up and put it away. I suppose this is due to being raised in a house where the belt was used for punishment. I wasn't allowed to touch the belt. This was completely different from the paddle, which is the scariest thing in the world to me, in that I was required to fetch the paddle and present my ass. Anyway, needless to say, neither of them are my favorite things. Luckily for me, Daddy prefers to use his hand. Since I worship his body, it's only natural that I'd love his hand as well. Unlike using a belt or other implement, there's a closer connection with flesh on flesh contact. Also, he's able to more accurately judge how hard he's spanking me, where each blow will land, when I've had enough, etc., not to mention I'm a lot less wiggly than when a belt is used. *ggls* This reminds me of an old country-western song.....

*wanders off singing* Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryin'. Daddy's hands were hard as steel when I'd done wrong. Daddy's hands weren't always gentle, but I've come to understand there was always love in Daddy's hands.

[deigja]

Red you´re the best... while reading your comments on those rules i start analysing those myself and its really fun.. and helpful .. and keeps me focused on master a lot, so thanks, great idea.
deigja

[tessa]

Slave Rule #4: i worship my Master's body.

I can do this! Yay! *ggls* In fact, I do it a lot. I think he's HOT! A couple of my friends just so happen to agree with me. *winks @ tessa*

~winks back~ You go, sweetie!

[angelic.zest]

Congrats Voodoo_Child(Red) im so happy for you and cant wait to read the rest!!! huggies

[Flaming_Redhead]

Red you´re the best... while reading your comments on those rules i start analysing those myself and its really fun.. and helpful .. and keeps me focused on master a lot, so thanks, great idea.
deigja

Pppfffttt! No, I'm not! You're going to ruin my reputation. I'm glad you're enjoying this and finding it useful.

~winks back~ You go, sweetie!

Go where? I suppose you meant the post office? I'm going...

Congrats Voodoo_Child(Red) im so happy for you and cant wait to read the rest!!! huggies

Awwwww! You're so sweet! *huggles*

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #8: i trust my Master: His responsibilities, His skills, His hunger and needs, and His concern for my safety, my emotional, psychological, social, sexual, and physical health.

I trust my Daddy. *fidgets* Okay, I have trust issues. Maybe I don't trust him completely. I don't trust anyone completely. I'm not even sure what it would take for that to happen.

I trust that Daddy takes his responsibility during a scene very seriously. He takes his responsibilities in life very seriously. I trust that he knows what he's doing and would not attempt anything new without researching it first.

I trust that Daddy will use me to satisfy his hunger and needs and not look elsewhere. Here, I've reached the first little twinge of doubt. His hunger and needs. I wish I knew exactly what it is that he hungers for and what he needs, specifically, to be happy. Of course, he needs my submission. DUH! The man remains something of a mystery to me, which just doesn't sit well sometimes. *sigh*

I trust that Daddy is concerned for my safety and takes all necessary precautions.

Uh-oh! I've just had another, even bigger, twinge. *squirms uncomfortably* I don't always think he's concerned about my emotional, psychological or social health. Most of the time, it seems like he is genuinely concerned. He asks me what I'm thinking all the time. However, for some reason, I still won't always tell him what I'm thinking. I get frustrated that we can't seem to ever talk about anything and, therefore, resolve issues. Some of it is my fault for not being forthcoming when he asks me to tell him what's on my mind. For goodness sakes, I still hesitate to tell him what I want during sex! I don't want to tell him what to do. I don't want to be pushy. I don't want to cause stress. When I send him an email, I try to communicate all the thoughts and feelings that I can't put a voice to when I'm with him. It quiets me for a time, but then, the emails go unanswered....a discussion never comes about.....and I know he knows how I feel.....so the problem is that I don't know what he's thinking or how he feels. It's not very reassuring.

I trust that Daddy is concerned about my sexual health. There are no problems to speak of in that department. *blinks* I trust that he is concerned about my physical health. *coughs* Umm....I can think of one time when I was very ill that I would have loved to see him bringing me flowers or something to make me feel better. Granted, we weren't sure what I had and whether or not it was contagious. I had never been so sick in my life, and no one bothered to come check on me or get me anything special to eat or drink. I live with my parents, so I finally told my mom I needed ginger ale and such. *shakes head* Anyway, in the end, I wasn't contagious. I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, which is a tick-borne illness. The fact that Daddy wouldn't come anywhere near me made me feel like he was more worried about himself. I kind of expected it from my family. Don't ask! The moral of the story, I guess, is that he IS concerned about my physical health as he always wants to know what the doctor said and what tests were done, etc. The problem occurs when I don't have a satisfactory answer for him. All of a sudden, I might as well have the freakin' plague! I guess this means he'll never be one to hold my hair out of the way.....

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #9: i am nothing more than an object of great value - an instrument Master will use to draw out His pleasures.

I have a serious problem with being considered an object instead of a human being. Don't get me wrong! I love to be his fuck doll, ass fuck, etc., during sex. However, to be considered an object, no matter how valuable, implies that my feelings, needs, wants, etc., mean nothing. Although I love being used for Daddy's pleasure, I'm not sure that I could ever totally disregard my own wants and needs and be happy about it. It sometimes feels as if I'm already doing it, though. I've suffered from low self-esteem for almost my entire life, and this feels like a step in the wrong direction. I've had to learn to think highly of myself. Ha ha! What a joke! Anyway, this rule seems to infer that I don't need to think so highly of myself because Daddy is all that matters. While that might not sound so bad, I can't help but feel that any object, even one of great value, can become old, worn out, outdated or just plain boring. Look in any child's toy box. Things he wanted badly last year are no longer played with. What happens then? Most people throw away old things they have no use for, sell it at a yard sale or donate it to charity. Is that what I have to look forward to?

[tessa]

Just because another considers it a slave rule doesn't mean you have to, not in total at least. You're thinking it through for yourself, making it fit on you. That's the best way to approach any of this- make it your own.

Go where? I suppose you meant the post office? I'm going...

Ha! That was too cute.

[deigja]

However, for some reason, I still won't always tell him what I'm thinking. I get frustrated that we can't seem to ever talk about anything and, therefore, resolve issues. Some of it is my fault for not being forthcoming when he asks me to tell him what's on my mind. For goodness sakes, I still hesitate to tell him what I want during sex! I don't want to tell him what to do. I don't want to be pushy. I don't want to cause stress. When I send him an email, I try to communicate all the thoughts and feelings that I can't put a voice to when I'm with him. It quiets me for a time, but then, the emails go unanswered....a discussion never comes about.....and I know he knows how I feel.....so the problem is that I don't know what he's thinking or how he feels. It's not very reassuring.

Hi Red
Thats one of my problems too. even if i´m usually quite talkative it´s not easy for me to talk about my feelings, most of the time holding back a little, never opening up fully to anyone...however this is much easier for me in wriitng as i have more time to think about what i want to say and how. I don´t want it to be misunderstood and i´m always a little frigthened about the reaktion that will come... no reaktion at all, which mostly seems to be the case with me, is worst of all. I have to press him for an answer, then feeling bad, but still he always gives me the feeling of him beeing concernes and i mostly feel very comfortable with him. I don´t know what the difference between this guy and others is, somehow i tell him things i hardly realize for my self...Also when they never talk about their own problems..perhaps thinking that the need of help or only understanding is somethind "undomish"..makes them rather seem to have less feelings which i´m sure they don´t have...
I hope you´ll overcome your problem...
greetings to you
deigja

[Flaming_Redhead]

even if i´m usually quite talkative it´s not easy for me to talk about my feelings.....however this is much easier for me in wriitng as i have more time to think about what i want to say and how. I don´t want it to be misunderstood and i´m always a little frigthened about the reaktion that will come... no reaktion at all, which mostly seems to be the case with me, is worst of all.....but still he always gives me the feeling of him beeing concernes and i mostly feel very comfortable with him.....Also when they never talk about their own problems..perhaps thinking that the need of help or only understanding is somethind "undomish"..makes them rather seem to have less feelings which i´m sure they don´t have...

Exactly! I guess we just need to learn how to blurt it all out without worrying what he'll think. Just give me a couple of Ruby Relaxers and I can do anything!

tessa's right, too. *mutters something that sounds suspiciously like as usual* I'm just lookin' at 'em....sniffin' 'em....feelin' 'em....tastin' 'em....'cause you really do have nice tits! Oh, as for the rules, I guess that goes for them, too! *ggls*

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #10: i will ask my Master for permission to satisfy whatever need i have before acting on it.

I have tried this, but I'm not sure if Daddy really cares for it. I used to ask him if I could smoke. Then, I started "sneaking" out while he was in the shower or otherwise preoccupied. Now, I just go when I want to, although I do try to limit it as I know he doesn't like it. I've asked him for permission to go potty, and he just looks at me like I'm crazy. I've asked him if I could go out with friends, and he always says he doesn't care. He's never said I had to ask to touch myself during sex or to cum. Hmm....I wonder what would happen if I started asking for every little thing? Would it get on his nerves or would he like it? I think it would get on his nerves by the way he's reacted to it previously. However, I've wondered why he doesn't seem interested in controlling little things like this, which I'd probably be willing to do, and why he seems to immediately go for the big things, like my hair color, which I'm not so eager to do. I'm not used to having anyone tell me what to do much (how dare they?), and even though I might want that control, I still want to be "me." It would make more sense, to me, to start out with the little things than expect me to make huge changes, though he may only be interested in getting right down to business. You know what I mean....baby steps. As it stands now, when he finally asks me to do something for him, I usually react "badly." I know he can see it all over my face....that WHAAAAAAAAT?!!!! look.....

[tessa]

Exactly! I guess we just need to learn how to blurt it all out without worrying what he'll think. Just give me a couple of Ruby Relaxers and I can do anything!

~hands Voochi 3 Ruby Relaxers~ That oughta do it.

tessa's right, too. *mutters something that sounds suspiciously like as usual*

I wish. Oh, do I wish.

I'm just lookin' at 'em....sniffin' 'em....feelin' 'em....tastin' 'em....'cause you really do have nice tits! Oh, as for the rules, I guess that goes for them, too! *ggls*

Smart girlie, paying attention to the right things. Besides, I fondle your ass when we dance together, so it's all good.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #11: my body and mind are the property of my Master.

This just keeps getting better and better! *lol* Sure, my body belongs to Daddy. He can use it whenever he wants; I don't think I've ever not been in the mood. Even if I wasn't, it's not terribly hard to get me in the mood. He can choose which hole he's going to fill...or how many. He can touch it whenever he wants; for some reason, he enjoys touching me while driving and also while watching TV. Of course, I enjoy it, too! He can look at it whenever he wants, including invading my privacy in the bathroom while I shower. *blushes*

I happen to have a mind of my own. I may seldom use it to any good purpose, but it's mine just the same. How can one give away (lose?) their mind without going insane? I seriously doubt that Daddy wants a mindless slave, or does he? Hmmmm.....nah......I'm not mindless.....just scatterbrained.....*whispers* and stubborn. I'm a taurus. What did you expect? *ggls*

Daddy tells me I'm smart all the time! *smiles* Of course, he also tells me I'm retarded all the time, too! *LOL* I'm supposed to think. Apparently, he believes that I can figure out what to do for him all by myself. I, on the other hand, just wish he'd tell me what to do until I've learned it. Is it really so freakin' hard to tell me to make coffee? The first time, he just hinted around that some coffee would be good. I got up and made it for him. Granted, the hint was repeated several times and was fairly obvious. The next time, I got up and made it without being hinted at. See....I'm a quick learner! *wink* You should've seen how happy he was! He actually picked me up and hugged me. There's hope for me yet! *nods a lot*

If you tell me what to do, I'll know what's expected. If you wait for me to think of it all by myself, you may have a long wait ahead of you. I mean....there are all those other thoughts.....like..... I wonder if Scooby-Doo is on?......river otters are cute!.......I need to go to the post office at some point before next Christmas......I want to take a shower......ugh this coffee is too strong......I bet I could make it better, but it's his house and his coffee.......*wanders off to get dressed* See what I mean? Anyway, I suppose this would be where staying focused on pleasing Daddy comes in. *sigh* I wonder if I have an undiagnosed case of ADHD? Or is it AHDD? Or AADD? pppffffttttt

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #12: i must always give thanks to my Master for all i am given immediately after receiving what He has given me, for such things are gifts or privileges granted to me by Him.

I must admit that I've gotten somewhat lax about saying "thank you." I usually remember to say it, though. I think I should get back in the habit of saying it all the time. It really helps one to remember not to take someone for granted. It's easy to forget that all the nice things one does for another are a way of showing love, appreciation and respect. The least one can do in return is acknowledge it by giving thanks.

Daddy tries to lead by example. I always find it a bit odd when he thanks me for coming over and spending time with him. *smiles* It makes me feel as if I've provided "services" instead of just doing what normal couples do. I suppose I don't necessarily have to drive an hour to see him, but the truth of the matter is that I'm always happy when he asks me if I want to come over. Do I want to come over? pppfffttt What?!? Are you fucking kidding me?!? HELL YEAH!!! *lol* Naturally, my answer is a bit more...um....like..."Of course, Daddy! I'd love to see you." *ggls*

The real question, though, is why it's so hard for me to both give and receive thanks. I guess it's because I find it a humbling experience either way and, therefore, a bit uncomfortable. People who know me are aware that I can't take a compliment. I also don't give them out unless I really mean it. It's all in the way I was raised. Praise wasn't given for something you were "supposed" to do anyway, like get good grades, graduate, etc. If it was a job well done, you didn't hear anything much about it, but if you ever fucked up....well....that was an arse of a different color.....horse, I mean...you know what I mean, damn it!

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #13: i must be both specific and explicit in my speech.

As much as I love to talk, I can't ever seem to just come right out and tell Daddy what I want, especially if he asks me. Is that weird or what? Why should it be so hard to say I want to get fucked in the ass if that is indeed what I want? I'm definitely not hung up on the language, so it must be something else keeping my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth. It's even hard to repeat after him. I hesitate a lot, which sometimes results in some mild hair pulling. *smiles* I still don't always immediately answer. Stubborn? You betcha! The fact of the matter is that I hate directing during sex. I did it while married, and it still sucked (not in a good way). My theory nowadays seems to be "do whatever you want, just make sure I get off at some point." However, there are times I wish Daddy would do this or that, and if he doesn't, it's my own fault for not telling him. *sigh* Cutting off one's nose to spite one's face....

I don't like it when Daddy asks me where I want to eat, either. What if I pick something he doesn't want? It's his money anyway. Shouldn't he get to decide? *tears up in frustration* I know this sounds like I don't want any control whatsoever, but that's not exactly true. I have problems coming to terms when Daddy tries to influence me, i.e. my hair, my clothes, my friends, etc. I want a say in that, but he doesn't want any argument. Then, when he does ask me what I want, I freeze up. I don't want to make a decision, but I will when I see that he won't. Stress stress stress! GRRRRR

Decisions, decisions, decisions! It can take me more than 5 minutes to decide what flavor of ice cream I want from the grocery store. If you think I'm exaggerating, let's go Krogering! You'll be pulling your hair out before we make it through the coffee ailse. That's why God invented grocery lists! Right now, my OCD is going crazy because I'm starting a new job next week. I hate change! I have an incredible urge to go in my son's room and alphabetize by author all of his books. Those kinds of decisions are calming because they mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me. If you think that's bad, I spent today with my son evaluating and somewhat planning everything we were going to do as if I was a teacher instead of his mother. We had bible study/reading, starting in Genesis (the beginning, of course); art (coloring a picture of Adam and Eve); lesson reinforcement (playing with a toy Noah's ark); lunch/home economics (he helped make soup); entertainment (movie); recess (at least 30 minutes of outdoor activities including bike riding, baseball, golf, swinging); snack time; visitation with grandparents; dinner. *eye roll* Told ya it was bad!

What's a poor girl to do when Daddy doesn't want you to speak up when you want to and does want you to speak up when you don't?!? AARRGGHH

Is anyone else out there thinkin' I really suck as this whole submissive thing? 'Cause I sure as hell do!

[deigja]

Is anyone else out there thinkin' I really suck as this whole submissive thing? 'Cause I sure as hell do!

Red I don´t think so. The whole Hair thing is like this: it seems to be important to you, to be a represantation of your personality (which of course is also held up by the way you write here and many other things). Still you give in to your daddy... I think giving in concerning things that are important for you, going through changes that are hard for you is sure enough submissive. that you do it even if it´s not easy... you may well show how hard it is..
Things you don´t care for could easily be changed if it pleased him but were in themself not as strong a sign of your submission... so if it´s perhaps as unimportant to him as it is to you - why should he ask for it??
...just my thinking...
just the same about you beeing able to think for yourself.. where lay the submission in a person not able to decide for him/herself if he/she left all decisions to her partner? it would be pure necessity. Whereas a person totally able to care/think/live for him/herself who conciously decides to hand over certain rights , for example the right to decide the haircolor, would for me certainly be submissive, wether or not she struggles with her own decicions from time to time.

..keep it goin ;-)
greetings deigja

[Polaris]

If you suck at the whole submissive thing, I suck at it too The problem with decisions is that I always have the feeling that I picked the wrong thing...he says "You choose" and I go bananas. I choose A, then get the feeling that I should have chosen B, so I say let's change that to B and he looks annoyed, then I start ranting "Why don't you just tell me what you want?" and he says "You choose!" and I start all over again, and get stuck with an option C neither of us is happy with. It's simple things, really, like "Red or White Wine" (thank heaven for rosé!), or epic decisions as "fish or chicken" (why not beef? maybe turkey? or maybe something vegetarian after all? decisions, decisions, decisions!)

I'm plappering constantly. I'm really talkative. Ask me what I want, and I'm dumbfounded and get out a "I don't know" at best. Doesn't mean that I NEVER know, it just won't come out. So, I can really sympathise...on the other hand, umm, you could sell that as being extra cute and charming, can't you?

[Flaming_Redhead]

Red I don´t think so. The whole Hair thing is like this: it seems to be important to you, to be a represantation of your personality (which of course is also held up by the way you write here and many other things). Still you give in to your daddy... I think giving in concerning things that are important for you, going through changes that are hard for you is sure enough submissive. that you do it even if it´s not easy... you may well show how hard it is..
Things you don´t care for could easily be changed if it pleased him but were in themself not as strong a sign of your submission... so if it´s perhaps as unimportant to him as it is to you - why should he ask for it??
...just my thinking...

That makes sense to me. I was just thinking that it would have been easier if he'd started out with some smaller things to get me used to doing something just because he wants me to.

just the same about you beeing able to think for yourself.. where lay the submission in a person not able to decide for him/herself if he/she left all decisions to her partner? it would be pure necessity. Whereas a person totally able to care/think/live for him/herself who conciously decides to hand over certain rights , for example the right to decide the haircolor, would for me certainly be submissive, wether or not she struggles with her own decicions from time to time.

I totally agree that it's submissive to let him take away the decisions that I'm perfectly willing and able to make for myself.

If you suck at the whole submissive thing, I suck at it too The problem with decisions is that I always have the feeling that I picked the wrong thing...he says "You choose" and I go bananas. I choose A, then get the feeling that I should have chosen B, so I say let's change that to B and he looks annoyed, then I start ranting "Why don't you just tell me what you want?" and he says "You choose!" and I start all over again, and get stuck with an option C neither of us is happy with. It's simple things, really, like "Red or White Wine" (thank heaven for rosé!), or epic decisions as "fish or chicken" (why not beef? maybe turkey? or maybe something vegetarian after all? decisions, decisions, decisions!)

I'm plappering constantly. I'm really talkative. Ask me what I want, and I'm dumbfounded and get out a "I don't know" at best. Doesn't mean that I NEVER know, it just won't come out. So, I can really sympathise...on the other hand, umm, you could sell that as being extra cute and charming, can't you?

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sound exactly like me! I'll fudge on the answer by asking, "What are you having?" *ggls* I've been known to have the waitress/waiter come back 2-3 times, until Daddy says, "I don't know what she wants, but I'll have...." It usually pressures me to just pick something.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #14: i will not hesitate when responding to my Master. my focus is important to my growth.

This rule realy could not have come at a better time since Daddy and I are discussing our problems communicating. I may be able to jump up and make coffee or tea right away, but answering the ever persistent question, "What are you thinking?" isn't so easy as one might think. For one thing, I don't always want to share what I'm thinking. It's an invasion of my privacy. One likes to think that their thoughts are their own. I suppose my thinking is faulty in this regard since rule #11 states that my mind is the property of my master. To that end, I suggested that Daddy punish me if I looked like I wasn't telling him something. In this way, I'll have motivation to change bad behavior. Although my will may be very strong, old habits are hard to break on my own. If I am to grow in my submission, I must relinquish the control I've been stubbornly keeping over my thoughts. I must hand them over when he asks and do it immediately, before I have a chance to slip him some other random thought that I don't mind sharing.

As far as obeying orders, I have no problem. If he tells me to go to his room and wait for him, I go and wait. I don't ask why. The only time I might have a wee bit of a problem complying is during play. *grins* It's very hard to willingly raise your bottom for another blow from the belt when all you really want to do is squirm away.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Slave Rule #15: i will thank my Master for the discipline and punishments I receive, specifying what i received and expressing the reason as to why i was given them.

*dies laughing* Okay, this rule happens to have perfect timing, too! I just suggested that Daddy begin punishing me for not telling him what I'm thinking. In fact, I told him that I like punishment. *nods a lot* No, I don't enjoy having the shit beat out of me! DUH! I don't like lots of things. Punishment isn't supposed to be fun. I certainly don't expect it to be. The reason I say I like punishment is because it completes a cycle of emotions and thoughts. Let's pretend for a moment that I've done something "bad." *eyes you* SHUT UP! *lol* Anyway, let's say that Daddy lectures me about it and tells me how disappointed he is. He then sends me away to think about it. After a time, he returns and gives me a serious ass whippin'. When it's all over and the tears are dried, he huggles me and kisses me and reassures me that he still loves me, just like any good Daddy.

In this way, I know exactly what I did wrong, how displeased Daddy is about it, that my actions have consequences and that I'm still loved. To me, it's much more effective than just being told he doesn't like something, especially if I continue to do it anyway either because I wasn't really listening or just because I can. I like to know exactly where my boundaries are and exactly what will happen if I cross the line. I also need to know that when I fuck up it doesn't result in not being loved or wanted anymore. Yes, I'm a tad insecure.

Thank your master for the discipline and punishments you receive because it's his way of showing you he cares enough about you to make an effort to keep you on the right path. Subbies running amok are the unhappiest of creatures.

[BoundSunshine]

I'm really enjoying your thread, Voodoo_Child. It's funny yet practical. It helps me relate to things in my life. Thank you for writing it.