Does it Bother You If..

[Guest020109]

Alright many doms have more then one slave, does it bother you if your master has another slave on the side? I guess it's a matter of preference. I personally am a jealous person and can't stand the thought of my master being with another sub. Doesn't mean that is the right view, I am just putting this out there to see what other people think.

[denuseri]

Of course i allready said all this in the polyamory thread but here goes:

Well when I first met my owner he allready had a kajira.

So my first year was with him and his wife, He as Master and she as "First girl".

Does that mean we never got jealous?

Well yes I am sure we did at times. The real question that conserned us was did we let any temporary jealousy get in the way of our love for one and another?

Fortunately the answewr to that question for us at least was no.

[SubmissiveDoll]

Yes it would bother me. That is a hard no in my world. I'm am very jealous and selfish. I don't share. Nor does he. It works for us. I know many are happy to be open in this manner. I'm just not one of them. It's funny too, because I was never as jealous in a vanilla relationship.

[PetJulie]

I would have to say, Yes, it would bother me if my Master had another sub. One of the reasons why we chose each other is that we were going to be exclusive when it comes to the lifestyle. Neither one of us is a 24/7 so we made some rules that would make us both satisfied. Then I started satisfying him.

Alright many doms have more then one slave, does it bother you if your master has another slave on the side? I guess it's a matter of preference. I personally am a jealous person and can't stand the thought of my master being with another sub. Doesn't mean that is the right view, I am just putting this out there to see what other people think.

[judori]

I'm not comfortable with it either.

I was with my first Owner for almost 2 years when he decided to bring another girl home. I tried to be ok with it, but as things changed, I began to feel excluded, jealous, and very insecure; it ended up being the catalyst that ended that relationship.

My Master now has made it clear that will just be me. So I can be secure that I won't be confronted with a similar situation with him.

[icey]

it wouldnt bother me if there was another sub involved at all, sometimes i think it might be nice.
the only problem i might have would be if IH decided to make her his ''little girl'' i think that possibly might make me feel a bit insecure partly because im spoiled and because neither of us have had that dynamic in our relationships previously, it's something special that only we have shared so im not sure id like the idea of someone else sharing his affection or attention in that way.

[lozzy]

yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!! it would bother me so so so much!

Im jealous and possessive and needy, and ... yurgh no! i just cant think about it!!!

yes, it bothers me

[AdrianaAurora]

Would it bother me? YES. And in this case bother is too light of a word. I can deal with Him sleeping with other women, I have witnessed Him (vanilla) top other women on occasion, (in His defense, it wasn't something He did consciously, He just is that way) - but I could absolutely not stand for Him to dominate, to want to be called Master, by another woman.

[shayna{L_D}]

If it didnt borther you then youd be poly.
I am a jealous person, in the biggest way. I wouldnt be with someone if they already had a "frist girl" or a sub. I wouldnt allow myself to be put in that position no matter how great i thought the Dom was.

The old saying goes "two's company, threes a crowd", or "more cooks in the kitchen ruin the stew" . I think thats very true. If he wasnt paying attention to you then he would be with his submissive youd get jealous, insecurties would creep in, and then fights happen.
Aqua i think ive told you this before, but dont ever put yourself in a situation to get hurt, thats a situation to get hurt, to get very hurt. You were hurt in the chat the other night and brought this question to everyone in the room, you didnt like the answers we gave you becuase it meant that you had to leave the situation which you didnt want to do. So dont put yourself in a situation that will crush you EVERYDAY and then not want to leave.

you said in the chat that he was choosing between you and the other girl. Dont ever make a man or woman choose. I tried to make my ex chose and she told me that "if you are going to make me chose then you are not worth my time, Ill be with the person that doesnt force me to make decision based on fear, or jealousy." Im not saying you are making him pick, im just saying, you told me he was picking between the two of you. You two arnt grocery items he can debate over. He should have choosen right off the bat, there shouldnt be a waiting period, you all are young like me, not married, no kids, no shackles so to speak, so his choice should have been made a WHILE ago, bc i know you have been dealing with this since.. about a month ago.

I didnt mean to make this post/thread personal but ive been where you are, online and in real life, both suck just as bad, well one more then the other but whatever. Both left me feeling not good enough, and thats hard to bounce back from, something im still dealing with. Your Dom should make you feel like your the only one, and if he wants to bring someone else in the mix later, then you all talk about it. See what works for you two, but dont ever stay in a sitation where your getting hurt just bc u want him around, or bc he Doms you the right way.

[subserviant]

I dont think it would work out the human being ,in being human gets jealouse and the relationship would be over .the way it would work ,if a dom had 2 subs but one of them also haf authurityto domme the other sub

[hopperboo]

I think it would bother me.............

If it was a R/T relationship I know it would bother me.

[craven]

A view from the other side of the fence:

I may be in a minority but i feel that the gift of submission is perhaps the greatest gift some one can offer to another.

Such is the levels of trust and respect needed that i anyway could never share myself with more than one sub, i have to feel a very close connection and bond, it is why i do not play in chat or on messenger , if my mind and heart are not engaged then i do not feel any desire to play.

So i guess i may have rambled a bit, and i know that some doms do have any number of subs, for me, craven, i can only ever have one, if i give i give all of me.

[Flaming_Redhead]

Yes, it would bother me. I'm an attention whore. That's why I don't do poly. However, I'm not opposed to an occasional play partner since I know they're not "staying."

[rosebud]

i was in a r/l poly relationship at one time...it wasn't for me...an occasional play partner is fine but, i need to be the only One.

[sassy75]

Since Sir and I are still very new to this he doesn't mind that I have playmates. He likes to hear the details. I think he knows that I wasn't allowed to explore while married and now that I'm separated I feel I have to make up for lost time. He also knows that he can't be around all the time and my desires are strong. If we get deeper and make more of a commitment, I'm sure I could be with only him and who he wants me to be with. He does ask if the others dominate me. They don't. It's not in their nature and I don't ask them to since I have him for that.

As far as him having other subs, I don't think I like that idea. I want to be the only one he orders around, spanks and says good slut to. I don't mind if he's having sex with other women but when it comes to BDSM, I want him to only want that with me. I should probably discuss that with him.

[star_sparkle]

no it does not bother me at all. if it was to happen i would be fine with the idea. i know he occassionaly Dom's other grls online, but if he were to bring one home, i would be ok with it.

[DiablosLittleOne]

Short answer...yes it would bother me very much.

[susan-D]

It would be devastating to me, I could not share My Master. Yet I do not know how I would deal with it, as I could not live without Him.

[Curious24]

I'm still new to all this so I am just hoping to clarify. For those people who have said such a thing would bother them, is this an exameple of a soft or hard limit or perhaps both? *Runs to check my printed list of terms to see if I got that correct*


Curious

[SubmissiveDoll]

As I said in my post earlier, I'll restate for you. It's a hard no for me. I absolutely would not share in any way shape or form. Not online, not in person, nothing. I don't care if she was a sub or vanilla. It honestly would bother me more if she was a sub, but either is not now, nor will it ever be ok with me.

I'm still new to all this so I am just hoping to clarify. For those people who have said such a thing would bother them, is this an exameple of a soft or hard limit or perhaps both? *Runs to check my printed list of terms to see if I got that correct*


Curious

[sinderella]

omg haha.... i was just thinking of this very thing today...."polyamory"...

there is no way on God's Green Earth i would share my Master with another submissive. and to echo SubmissiveDoll, i hardly got jealous when this occurred in vanilla relationships...that is because vanilla men do not know how to get inside your head and conquer your soul.

i couldn't bear the thought of my love ripping cries of lust from another girl, and planting those fantastic feelings inside another, and i would not want to share myself with another Dom, because my heart would be divided, and that would be a travesty.

[leah06]

This is going to sound very naive, and when I post these questions I often find that they come back to bite me a few weeks or months later, but I was talking to a guy about this just the other day. He was telling me that if a relationship is strong and both people agree, then playing on the side is OK. And some people are saying that here too - it's OK if it's vanilla and not D/s, or it's OK if it's "playing". And I'm not judging, but I have a question about it. This implies that you know that your relationship is deep and real and meaningful and that whatever happens outside it is, by comparison, trivial. But doesn't that mean, by definition, that whoever takes an outside partner is sort of using him or her? They have the deep real meaningful relationship at home, but they're engaging in a sort of weak imitation of it outside. If that's so, it can't be to get the deep real stuff, since they have that, so it's to get, what - gratification? Physical gratification; but worse, some other kind of emotional gratification that they're getting with someone who's not important to them.

This might sound hypocritical, since I was happy to play with someone just recently who I had no intention of forming a relationship with, but in that case I thought we were both unattached. For some reason it feels different to me if both people are on the same footing, so to speak. I don't know - then maybe it would be OK if BOTH people were in primary relationships and just fooling around? There's just something about it I don't like.

The short answer for me is, no, I'm a monogamy gal. And it would make me jealous, as people have said. But it would also make me question my partner's ethics, sort of, and question his feelings for me. If he can use someone else, what protects me from being used also?

On the other hand, I will say that I've sometimes felt that if my husband magically came back to life it would be such a pleasure to share with him some of the things I've learned about myself, and some of the fun activities I've engaged in, but there would have been no way within that relationship to explore and discover these things. Our sex life was fun, but it did get into kind of a rut, and bringing this information home would certainly have changed that. But it's how you get the information - if I'd gone outside the marriage, for sex or play or domination or anything - it would have destroyed both of us.

[SubmissiveDoll]

The short answer for me is, no, I'm a monogamy gal. And it would make me jealous, as people have said. But it would also make me question my partner's ethics, sort of, and question his feelings for me. If he can use someone else, what protects me from being used also?

This is how I feel as well. I'm sure there are many people who can have a happy relationship with outside play. I'm just not one of them. If my Master wanted to play with someone else just for fun, he wouldn't be the master for me.

[icey]

This implies that you know that your relationship is deep and real and meaningful and that whatever happens outside it is, by comparison, trivial. But doesn't that mean, by definition, that whoever takes an outside partner is sort of using him or her? They have the deep real meaningful relationship at home, but they're engaging in a sort of weak imitation of it outside. If that's so, it can't be to get the deep real stuff, since they have that, so it's to get, what - gratification? Physical gratification; but worse, some other kind of emotional gratification that they're getting with someone who's not important to them..

regardless of whether you're in another relationship or not you could argue that playing with someone without the intention ''deep real stuff'' is trivial. playing/sex doesnt have to be about emotional stuff..it can be simply for fun too
providing everyones honest and know where they stand then all involved are happy and i cant see why it could be thought of as using someone.

I was happy to play with someone just recently who I had no intention of forming a relationship with, .

so arnt the two the same?

[cadela]

With my former Master he told me fairly early on that he had a long term sub which, after the initial shock, I didn't have a problem with as he allowed me to play with other Doms as long as I wasn't marked in any way. Over time though (and after he had released "No. 1" and I became his partner in the vanilla world) I felt less comfortable playing with others so when he asked me to be exclusive to him I was happy to agree. He was clear that this exclusivity would not apply to him BUT was also clear that he would not release me simply for a 'better model'. Also he was extremely discreet so unless I wanted to know if he was Doming someone else - and occasionally I did ask - it didn't intrude on our relationship in any negative way. My current Master has made it clear that monogamy is crucial unless He wishes me to play under His instruction and I am very happy with this. So, horses for courses!

[alwaysfallingforward]

Yes, it would bother me. Like a few other people have said before me I wan't to be the one and only that they dom.
But other play partners wouldn't bother me.

[leah06]

so arnt the two the same?

To me they're not the same. When I was playing, I thought we were both unattached; in fact, I found out afterward that he's in a long-distance thing. If I'd known that, I wouldn't have played with him. Partly, I don't like to be second to anyone, and partly, I just respect relationships, mine and other people's. But yes, I am willing to be casual sometimes - when I don't have something serious going on.

I want to say that I'm not speaking about all "polyamory" situations that have been discussed on this site. Polyamory is not for me, but I can sort of understand that people might love many partners in different but equal ways just as we all love our children in different ways. I couldn't do it, but I can respect it. I was specifically responding to the suggestions on this thread that it's OK for a partner to look outside the relationship just so long as the other interaction is less meaningful than what occurs in the primary relationship.

To me, specifically finding someone in order to have LESS than what you have at home is using the other person. But if you don't have something meaningful at home, then you can both agree that playing might be less than what you're looking for, but more than you actually have.

Anyway, that's how it feels to me now. I'm about as steadfast as Jello right now, though, so probably in a few weeks I'll be posting about my vanilla lover, two Doms, and a switch. And a partridge in a pear tree.

[icey]

lol ya never know
i hope you feel a bit less shaky soon rachel.

to my mind using someone would be if the person was led to believe there was something more than just the sex.
so i still cant see that it is using someone simply because you're only with them for sexual gratification if all are fully aware , and even if it is being used they are being used with their full consent which then couldnt really be considered being used....least i dont think so! *scratches head* now im confusing myself lol

[leah06]

lol ya never know
i hope you feel a bit less shaky soon rachel.

to my mind using someone would be if the person was led to believe there was something more than just the sex.
so i still cant see that it is using someone simply because you're only with them for sexual gratification if all are fully aware , and even if it is being used they are being used with their full consent which then couldnt really be considered being used....least i dont think so! *scratches head* now im confusing myself lol

Well, Icey, one of my favorite phrases is "use me" so probably I'm not the best person to comment on this.

[skp2bear]

As a sub I too want to be the one and only be it online or in r/l.