Since you asked...

[TheRapist]

Here's some insight into my BDSM life, so some of you might understand me better.

My user ID is TheRapist. That can either be read The Rapist or Therapist.

I am a licensed domestic violence counsellor. I mainly work over the phone for certain domestic violence prevention organizations. I counsel people - young women mostly - on their relationships. I handle mostly BDSM-related cases. I'm listed as a "kink friendly" service.

However, I do enjoy reading and writing rape fantasy. I enjoy playing it as well, under safe and consensual circumstances. I come across as dark and mysterious online sometimes because it's fun to be a mystery. I've never actually raped anyone, nor will I ever rape anyone. My job is encouraging people to report rapes and unsafe sexual acts to the police.

Now you know more about my BDSM life.

If anyone has further questions, please ask me or use the PM system here and write me privately.

[Ozme52]

Too funny. Therapist.

Go ask Rabbit to change your name to TheRaPist... and stick around, (though you might have to remind the chatters every once in a while....)

Got to ask the question though... Do you ever feel conflicted in your work?

It's one of the reasons I could never be an ob-gyn... it would be unseemly to practice medicine with a hardon.....

[Timberwolf]

I guess my Sean Connery joke when I first saw you was on the money.

[Ruby]

Am wondering why you chose such a provacative user id.

What reactions were you expecting?

I thought by emphasizing the "R" you were focusing on "the rapist" and not the word as a whole.

[Tojo]

Nice to see you again Ruby.

Yes that's my point TheRapist, not that I think you are one, but that it's a name that is bound to cause upset, like BabyKiller or whatever.

Why not just be cool & change it? You'll still be the same person & won't have to spend your time here defending yourself.

Confucious say 'tree that bend in wind never break'



Tojo

[SheepishJaina]

With the R capitalized, it really does bother me. I've always seen BDSM as something which is and always should be "safe sane and consentual". To see TheRapist on posts, makes this feel, (to me) less of a safe place. Granted the true demons could very well be hiding behind more innocent names. For someone who's been raped, reminders of it, whether intentional or not are very painful. For example, take your worst nightmare. Something that has hurt you for years and years, and then imagine it showing up in your face in a place where you come to relax and socialize. Wouldn't you want that reminder removed too?

Fantasy rape is one thing. It's not real. Role playing rape is another, both parties are willing occupants. Real rapists are people who only care about their own power and pleasure. Which is something this place is NOT about.

I know there are folks here who have delt with real rape. As one of those women, I would respectfully ask that you consider changing your name. It IS your name, and you may be the cuddliest, nicest guy around, but for me, in my mind, it reminds me that my rapist is still out there somewhere, waiting for his next victim, enjoying the peace of mind and comfort that I, and so many others no long can afford to have.

[_ID_]

Personally I find it humourus. I never tried to guess the meaning or intent behind his title. Just the same asI don't try and understand anyone elses nick. The capitalization of the R in the name simply to me was the play on words, to play with everyones mind who read it. Seems like its mission accomplished from what I have been reading. If he wanted to come accross as a Rapist I believe he would have hyphenated the nick, something like The_Rapist or such. Just because you CHOOSE to see the upper case charater and charaterize him due to this simple gramatical varriation in his name to me sends a messeage about yourselves more than it does about him.

I like Timberwolf understood the play on words when i first saw the nick. Maybe because I've seen the SNL skit that used the play on words for this very phrase.

Take Care TheRapist, Enjoy the forms. Try doing like i do. Just like any other aspect of BDSM and the lifestyle, soakup what you find usefull, and disregard the rest of it as NA for your personal purposes.

V/R
ID

[karin]

*just reads this in disbelief* erm....how are any of YOU to judge? you are, after all, on a BDSM site. no one has the right to judge ANY of us. and about a nick? that's been explained??? get..over...yourselves....

fantasies? that's what this is all about, no? if His fantasy is (CONSENTUAL HELLO) rape...who...are any of us to knock that? is it better to be cut? peed on? gagged? choked? puhlease.

rock on TheRapist....*kiss*

[Tojo]

*just reads this in disbelief* erm....how are any of YOU to judge? you are, after all, on a BDSM site. no one has the right to judge ANY of us. and about a nick? that's been explained??? get..over...yourselves....

fantasies? that's what this is all about, no? if His fantasy is (CONSENTUAL HELLO) rape...who...are any of us to knock that? is it better to be cut? peed on? gagged? choked? puhlease.

rock on TheRapist....*kiss*

Hey people can call themselves anything they want- my point is why complain about being ostracised?


Tojo

[submissivewife]

Why not just be cool & change it? You'll still be the same person & won't have to spend your time here defending yourself.

Tojo

Why change it? That is uncalled for. People need to stop being so sensitive. The name might be controvisial...but really....if I were the admin and he asked to change his name I wouldn't do so just out of principle. Everyone has their mask. This ID is his. Everyone choose their ID for a reason, usually because it fits them. We don't censor IDs...he has the right to his ID, just as everyone else here does.

Now, I'm not going to continue to allow this to continue.....There's no need to pressure anyone to change their name just because you don't like it. In a sense you can say I'm saying...get over it. Stay off his ass about it.

The way everyone is acting it is causing TheRapist to become uncomfortable and this can turn to him leaving. I WON'T HAVE IT.

EVERYONE! Leave this man alone and let him enjoy the forums. I can't control what happens in the Chatroom...but here...I'll do everything I can to make sure everyone is happy and enjoys themselves.

[submissivewife]

Hey people can call themselves anything they want- my point is why complain about being ostracised?


Tojo

I am going to do everything I can...and I am sure so will Rabbit and the other mods will see that doesn't happen.

[Uncle_Ed]

In my opinion-since clearly there is no place here for people's feelings to be considered and human emotions to be manipulated freely with impunity I shall keep any further thoughts to myself.

[Tojo]

I am going to do everything I can...and I am sure so will Rabbit and the other mods will see that doesn't happen.

Geez, easy subwife....just voicing my opinion- & that of people I know.

Tojo

[cariad]

People need to stop being so sensitive.

Thank you for your advice, I will take it to heart and pass it on to any rape victims I speak to in the future.

I suspect this will be my final post here, since it will probably result in me being banned. But have sat here since submissivewife posted trying to keep quiet, and cannot.

I have enjoyed the company of many people here, and wish you all joy in your chosen walks.

cariad

[Uncle_Ed]

cariad

I'm with you. I can't believe the insensitivity here.

This is place for HUMAN BEINGS-we have feelings. The right to have nick is being defended!!!! What about inalienable rights as humans to have opinions and emotions?

Friends all-I fully expect this to be my last post, too.

It's been a great ride!

[Tojo]

Now let's not go overboard guys, this place needs both of you.


Tojo

[cariad]

Now let's not go overboard guys, this place needs both of you.


Tojo

Neither of us are jumping, but we both expect to be pushed.

[Uncle_Ed]

Neither of us are jumping, but we both expect to be pushed.

*grins* hand-in-hand

[Uncle_Ed]

Can I please draw your attention to this comment by shadow?

okay...I usually don't get involved in the politics of this site.....
but I will say this.....

I was there when the encounter took place...(not involved)...I watched it play out....
never did anyone insult this man...only his choice of names....
and told him the name was to them........ offensive......
even going so far as to explain how it could be changed....but he refused...
quoting the same "a rose" line.....
then he just signed off....so in all fairness...those who had the chat with him were not in the wrong....but still not in the right either....
takes two people to start a fight...

[Alex Bragi]

With regard to the chat room, if you're going to choose to use a controversial name then you've got to expect controversy.

Submissive wife, I like your name and your avatar too. Your name conforms to this lifestyle, his does not.

It’s a fact that many of the stories here contain rape, but I'm sure that cariad, and those like her, read the story codes and warnings and therefore don't read any further. It's impossible, however, to avoid names and avatars, that's why most people choose their's prudently.

Therapist/TheRapist, there are many very broad and open-minded people here who will happily interact with you regardless of your name. Personally, if I was you, I would simply change it, but that's me. BTW, I'm pleased to meet you regardless of all this. You seem like an interesting and sincere man.

cariad, you already know it, but I'm going to say it publicly also, your story simply breaks my heart, it makes me angry and sad all at the same time. *hugs*

As it's already been stated, cariad's is not a unique case within this lifestyle. I can't begin to understand what she, and others like her, have been through, I don't think anyone who hasn't been there themselves can, but can't we aleast try to be sensitive and have a little understanding here?

[Tojo]

Lovely Alex, just lovely.

Rock on.


Tojo

[katie_21]

Well my first thought of his name reminded me of this Saturday Night Live episode when they were doing a paraody of Jeporady. "I'll take the rapist for 200 Alex"

I can see why people would be offended/scared. I'm not trying to be insensitive at all, cause well I can understand why The Rapist might bring back bad memories for some. But then again this is a BDSM forum, a BDSM library forum where many people here are into rape fantasies...it's a no win situation I guess.

[karin]

*just rolls my eyes* waaaaaaay too sensitive. its just an online name...that has been EXPLAINED. he's a therapist..geez....i personally enjoy the play on words *chuckle*

again..rock on TheRapist....

not being insensitive to victims of violence....but erm....its BEEN EXPLAINED

[_ID_]

Thank you for your advice, I will take it to heart and pass it on to any rape victims I speak to in the future.

cariad

If a simple nick causes you trauma, I suspect there is more at issue for you than we know about. The very nature of BDSM and D/s is that someone is in one form or another being manipulated or controlled. So if a simple nick causes you trauma, maybe you should give the person who is causing all this 'drama' with a simple nick a call. He is after all a "Therapist"

Being able to get beyond your past is the key to growth and healing. It sounds to me as if you may still be dwelling on your past. It saddens me to think so. I hope you are able to find inner peace and well being soon.

V/R
ID

[maddie]

Dang, but you Aussies are smart people.

Sites like these thrive with the addition of new members, but also by making sure that existing members are happy. People come and go, but it's important to keep your regulars happy. Misunderstandings are going to happen. It's a shame when they escalate to the point that this one has, because it inevitably causes divisiveness that only hurts the community as a whole.

I spend a lot of time in the chat room. New people are generally welcomed by those of us who are regulars. It is rare that I'm in there and a new person isn't greeted. I've seen several newbies express surprise about how friendly we are. I'm not saying it's impossible that TheRapist was treated rudely, but we have another account that says he wasn't. Without a log from the room, those of us who weren't there can't judge.

Frankly, somebody intelligent enough to be a therapist ought to know that such a nickname will be controversial and will inevitably arouse deep emotional reactions amongst some. To still stick to such a name seems, to me, to be uncaring and inconsiderate.

[_ID_]

Without a log from the room, those of us who weren't there can't judge.

We don't need one. How he is being treated in the forms is to me most likely how he would be treated in the chat room.

V/R
ID

[karin]

good GOD. its a NICK..get OVER it already......

[YourThrone]

In case some of you didn't bother to read his posts...Here's one of his posting.That's how I looked past his name.I knew he was an therapist. Nobody is minimizing the fact some of you were raped before, however, you're so quick to judge(I'm actually sickened by that) and the issue at hand was how he was treated.He said some of you told him to leave the chatroom.Where do you get off telling someone to leave the chat room? why because you're regulars? big whoop! I've been a regular for years on many forums.You people are the kind of people I won't even waste my time knowing.

I mean jesus, it's okay to post stories about 13 year olds on this forum.I had a problem with that but, being tactful I kepted my mouth shut because I realize some people like younger girl stories. It's about being tactful and some of you need to grow up, seriously!

Anyway, here's his posting from BDSM myths:


It is amazing how some people think that, just because they are in a "BDSM" relationship, they suddenly become either master of all they survey or they must follow every single command they are given with complete blindness.

I counselled a young lady a few months ago that had been a submissive for about three weeks. She started a relationship with a man she'd met online in her area. On their first meeting, before any negotiations were made, he stripped her completely nude, put a leather collar on her which he told her she could never remove, made her get on her knees and perform oral sex on him, and then he bent her over a table and sodomized her.

She told me it was the most painful and degrading thing that had ever happened to her and she wondered how submissives could live like that and enjoy it. When I asked her why she thought all submissives lived like that, she told me that her partner had told her that's how it was.

That was one long session, I don't need to tell you.

[dzire2pleeze]

It's outrageous to me to think that cariad would be banned from this sight for voicing her opinion. Up to this point I have enjoyed the forums. However, something does not sit well with me when people can so easily turn against a steadfast friend. Not that anyone cares, but if cariad and Uncle Ed leave, I'm wishing you all a good-bye as well.

[cariad]

In case some of you didn't bother to read his posts...Here's one of his posting.That's how I looked past his name.I knew he was an therapist. Nobody is minimizing the fact some of you were raped before, however, you're so quick to judge(I'm actually sickened by that) and the issue at hand was how he was treated.He said some of you told him to leave the chatroom.Where do you get off telling someone to leave the chat room? why because you're regulars? big whoop! I've been a regular for years on many forums.You people are the kind of people I won't even waste my time knowing.

I don't think anyone has judged him. He posted complaining about the lack of welcome he recieved in chat. The suggestion has been, and most certainly not just from me, that the nickname he chooses to present himself by was distressing to some people, and they would have found it hard to see beyond that to the person.

Nobody that I know of in chat sees themselves as any better than anyone else for any reason, least of all because of the time they have 'served'.

As I said in an earlier post - I did not, and do not judge him, just have an instinctive reaction against his chosen name I am sure if I could get beyond that - which I willingly admit is my problem he could well be a lovely person - I have not spent enough time with him to judge, although it is my long held principle to always believe the best of someone, until they prove otherwise. The person concerned has done nothing to prove otherwise.
cariad