At the same time this is nothing like my relationship, and then again, it is somewhat like my relationship. (I have had only one, and it's now a thing of the past)

My relationship was to a woman ten years my senior, almost to the day. She had three children (nothing much to do with the situation here, but giving an outline) and thus, she had had more sexual experience than me. (Nothing exceptional about that, as I was still a "virgin" at the time) But what I couldn't wrap my head around then, and still to this day, was how shy she was when having sex. She wanted the lights off, I wanted them on. As much for trying to find my way as for not being so shy. I wanted to try different locations, she mainly wanted it done in the bedroom. I wanted to use toys, she wouldn't have it.

I never got an answer, and probably never will. I can't offer you advice, just consolation in knowing you are not alone, though the circumstances are a bit different.