What are your (the two of you together and individually) positions on extramarital relationships?
I never thought I would. I'm in an online relationship. I was offered a R/l offer several times, but at the time I felt "forsaking all others" was something I promised. Now, as time goes on, I'm tempted. It would end the marriage for him. He couldn't handle that.

Miska, when having sex, is it fulfilling for both you and him? Also, age and status of health may factor into it. Has he always been distant sexually or just now becoming this way? If its something recent (past 2 or 3 years), perhaps he is having an issue he doesn't feel comfortable discussing.
I have enjoyed sex with him for the most part. I love him so I focus on the good and I have a poor memory, so forgiving and forgetting happens a lot. He has always been very conservative and prudish about sex. When we were first married I grabbed the pillow above my head instead of his arms, he didn't understand why I had done that and thought it was weird. He wouldn't touch me between my legs for eight years. He has briefly tasted me between my legs (about 3 times in 12 years) but as he says "he isn't there yet". Note, I said tasted. Nothing he did could really be called oral sex. Better to have tried than not tried at all. That I have given up on. No sex during the week, we've only recently started doing it at night since the morning is so noisy. (by started I mean once)

Time has passed, he's explored a different position, he has sat down with me and talked about it. However, there was a time he was so incredibly angry with me for complaining about not getting enough he through a chair into the wall...several times. Yes, it was his anxiety and depression talking, there was other things he was upset about, but he took it out on me, it was scary. He doesn't ever want to do that again, he's very angry with himself for losing control. He has gotten angry that I bugged him so much about it. I haven't in a long time because of that. Every time I bring up the subject I get nervous.

Since our reconciliation he has made an excellent effort at trying to build the trust and be reassuring that he won't be losing his temper again. He admits he's prudish but definitely wants to relax about things. The damage is done. I would go a month at a time, craving to be touched and made love to. He didn't care. Age and medication has made things a bit better. But rejection, when I looked forward to it, when we had discussed it (with 3 kids we practically schedule it, which is fine with me), and he blows it off, forgets, is too tired, won't initiate [I'm the top in this relationship, but submission comes much more naturally]...when it happens at all I break down.

I'm sorry this is so long. I've tried to find outlets for my frustrations but rejection hurts any way you slice it. Sometimes I think there might be a purpose in marrying a man with barely a drive. As I get older I could have health problems...and I would be truly heartbroken if I couldn't care for my Lover.

There's enough reasons to stay. As I said, our family works and works well. 1) I would love to have a more open outlet. 2) I wish I could accept that this is the way it is. He can't change me and I can't change him. Maybe it hurt this time because it was a promise broken, he said he would make more effort and didn't.

I need to shut up, I'm just going on and on.

You've all been very helpful.