So new and so lost

[Pandora's Box]

One thing - you are absolutely RIGHT when you say "He had no right to induce these thoughts and feelings within me if he was going to walk away without a word...and you must really focus on that, his behaviour is thoughtless and deeply ignorant and insensitive and it is not, in anyway your fault, regardless of something you may or may not have said in that journal that put his nose out of joint.

*hugs*

lucy x

Thank you for saying that. Right now everything is turned upside down for me. I couldn't help but wonder if I was possibly over-reacting. I'm still stunned and I'll be that way for a bit. Some part of me is going to be holding out hope for a day or two. And then... it'll be done and he'll be gone... without a word. And it'll be final.

It just seems like a lose lose situation all the way around. I don't want to learn bitterness. I don't want to learn anger. And I, heaven forbid, don't want to be so wary that I look at men differently.

*sigh*

I'm rambling.

[Katmandu]

Oooh, poor sweetie! Keep the faith, hon, he's out there somewhere....in the meanwhile, glad to see you sticking around here!

[Pandora's Box]

Yes... I'm trying. Some of the shock is wearing off. It's just all so odd. One day it's great, and one day it's not. And with no words of warning in between.

I'm not used to dealing with flakes. Nor did I think he was one... Ahhh but then I must have been mistaken. *sigh*

Well, not much I can do about it. It is a learning curve. Damn whirlwind romances.

And most of all: actions speak louder than words.

[Morphis]

This is sad indeed, so dissapointing. I have experienced something along this line myself, and although not as severe as this, I can imagine how you must feel. I wish I could say something to really make you feel better, but I wouldn't know what. Except that I agree with Lucy: it is not, in any way, your fault. Don't blame yourself.

I wish you good luck and lots of strength.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

So, PB, you didn't here from the guy after Saturday? Do you know why?

Did he really just drop you like a bad habit or is there possibly some other reason?

For instance, is he broke and his internet service got shut off? Did he get into a car accident and break his leg and is now sitting in the hospital in traction? Did he go skydiving and his chute didn't open and he's been splattered all over some farmland somewhere?

Without more information it is hard to tell if the guy really is a skunk or if he might just have a good excuse for not contacting you.

[Pandora's Box]

No. I am utterly clueless. I have no idea whatsoever what happened to him or didn't happen to him. I have however tried contacting 4 different times with 3 different methods. When I left a message for him, his sister did not say anything or act in any way that would suggest he would be unable to return my call.

He just went... *poof*.

But is there really a good excuse for not contacting me for 9 days? It's not like he has no resources.

[Barton]

Absolutely not! A relationship is built on many things. Communicating with each other is the most important thing, especially in any kind of a BDSM relationship. Even if a person feels the need to have solitude to think about things, common courtesy would at least be to say so.
Barton.

[Pandora's Box]

Life is so confusing. Man oh man, if it gets much crazier I think I'm going to hang up my blouses and head for the straight jacket.

The new update.

He did have a reason. And a very good reason. However there is still no excuse. His sister that lives out of state was involved in a serious car accident and he went down to attend to her.

I wrote him a goodbye email to give myself closure and he wrote back explaining what was going on. I haven't taken him back yet. We need to talk first. The last week has solidified the importance of reliability and the necessity of communication.

He's due back on Friday. However, I don't know if we'll be speaking Friday night or not. I told him quite clearly in my message to him that we do need to talk and for him to tell me exactly when he'd be available to speak. I will not spend another night waiting for nothing. It's too hard on me emotionally.

I am glad I did hear from him as at least I know that my intuitions weren't "off". That was throwing me for a loop really badly. If I can't trust my instincts, then what can I trust? Ya know?

Anyway... so it isn't in the crapper. Just yet. I don't want it to be, but I refuse, absolutely refuse, to be jerked along and left wondering when a simple 30 second email could have avoided this entire thing.

Heh, and the final irony: he has yet to read the journal because he's been so damn busy.

[sweetmissy]

I have NO patience either. Of course, I currently have some added complications but- patience can be learned. In fact I'm learning it right now- too many times I have aimed him, written him emails when I was instructed to wait for his reply- It's kind of like pouting, stomping your foot and pushing out your bottom lip- but, trust me- BE PATIENT....avoid the punishment and earn the rewards- Patience is easier to learn that not having contact as punishment= trust me- nothing replaces thos commmands via email that state - "you will wear red undies today and eat such and such"......mmmm--- I wouldn't give that up for anything-

[learningtopleez]

I know I'm rather late in responding to this thread....but it hit so close to home when I came across it, that I just had to write a few words. I am also new to this lifestyle. Actually when I met my Master on-line it was just flirting with a guy I met on another site (it wasn't BDSM related at all!). But he had picked up some things I had written in my profile on that site that made him feel I might be submissive! I didn't even know I had those feelings until he brought them out in me! We chatted on-line a lot at first, then began talking on the phone too! He was and is absolutely amazing! And may I just add.....this man has the sexiest voice I have ever heard and just hearing him speak makes me hot! We have met in person twice (OMG.....it was fabulous!).

Back to the point....he has made me go 13 days without hearing from him either because he was busy with his work, or I had disappointed him or a combination of the two! He gives me the silent treatment and sometimes it can be unbearable! A kind of punishment I guess.

Anyway I hope you worked out things with your Dom as nothing is more wonderful than feeling like a lovestruck teenager (except kneeling at your Masters feet!)