Orgasm Deprivation

[slavelucy]

Pro and con. Anyone have any thoughts.

i would have thought the pro's have become increasingly apparent throughout this thread...*grin*.

Whilst i would clearly wholly endorese org. dep, i offer the following link for a major potential 'con' if it isn't handled properly.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=554

luce

[Barton]

Thanks sl. The pros are well stated, I just like to learn all that I can, I find that the better I understand something, the better it will work.
Barton.

[cloudless]

I love extended teasing and denial...the process really puts me in a special sub-space and afterwards I love ache of a set of blue balls to remind me of the experience.

Cloudless

[Pandora's Box]

I had one bad experience with it. But that is also because my heart was involved. I had been denied playing with myself for a period of 24 hours. However, something came up and he could not take care of me as was planned. The following two days I had absolutely no sex drive because I was so disappointed. Anticipation burn out, I think.

Other than that, I love a bit of it. Nothing too extended. I wouldn't want to deal with me if I had to go too long without an orgasm.

[erisv]

all i can think as i read this thread is...help! lol. perhaps it's just that i am very new to this lifestyle and therefore have almost no experience beyond some playing with kinky friends but the very idea of orgasm deprivation makes me shudder. i have a VERY high running libido and to not be allowed that release at the end of the day...*gulps*...i hate to think of anyone crossing my path. for a girl like me it would be more of a torment then any sort of pain that i can think of (and trust me despite the lack of expereince i can think of a lot!) and if ever asked i'll deny admitting that lol. anyway just my random thoughts on the topic.

hopes everyone's having a great day!
jen

[slavelucy]

i have a VERY high running libido and to not be allowed that release at the end of the day...*gulps*...i hate to think of anyone crossing my path. for a girl like me it would be more of a torment then any sort of pain that i can think of...

*smiles* Yeah...your last line, likewise for me really as well, i think that's kinda the point.

i also have an incredibly high sex drive, but, again, i think that's the point....it wouldn't be much of a challenge otherwise would it. To deprive someone of an orgasm when they don't want an orgasm is surely something of an oxymoron!

sl

P.S. - jen - i love your avatar btw!

[tehya]

Hello again all. I have certainly enjoyed all the responses since this thread has been re-opened. I would just like to add a little thought I had while reading them.

For me, its not about the release. It's about the humbling effect denial has on me. How it reminds me of the fact that my Master owns all aspects of my life. He alone has the power to grant or deny me all things, and even when He denies me, my love for Him grows, my submission deepens, and I learn further control of mind over body.

He doesn't do these things to be cruel to me (well not really *wink*) but to help me grow. Through Him, i have blossomed as a submissive and a woman. For that i will be eternally grateful to Him... Thank You Master!

Master's tehya

[slavelucy]

tehya - i think you put this beautifully. i was going to find one part of your post that i particularly liked to quote back, but i liked all of it to be honest!
You are essentially right that Org. dep. is less about release (not that that's not FAB of course! LOL) and more about the process of allowing another person to control something of such a personal and urgent nature.

sl x

[Canopus]

Orgasm deprivation does not have to be a negative. In our relationship I have used the process to help tehya gain control of her body - thus the mind rules, rather than the body urges.

This has a couple of effects. Tehya now has a confidence in herself that wasnt present before. She also has greater control of how she accepts and gives pleasure (bonus to me)

Her growing confidence helps with her growing submission. No matter how good a sub 'thinks' they are. In any new relationship...there is always the thought. "Will I measure up."

I would strongly caution against restraint for extended periods. I have heard of time measured in years being quoted. I've never seen the point to that to be truthful.

The other very important thing is to tailor the time periods to the subs ability to cope. Then over time stretch them bit by bit. Teyha has control now she never thought possible. In achieving that she has found how enjoyable it can be to live on that edge. And when release is finally granted. Step back folks...gonna be GREAT.

Sure such training does not fit well in all relationships, and each couple need to decide what role (if any) it should play

Canopus

[Katmandu]

Ahh, fellow slaves......I, unfortunately, have a different response to orgasm deprivation. In that other thread slavelucy brought up, LostOne described her episode as, and I quote:

I had to tell him if I was close to cumming. Sometimes he would tell me I had permission to cum but other times he would continue the stimulation but tell me over and over I was not allowed to cum. I learned to stop my orgasms on command. The problem was I had a really hard time learning to cum on command.

Unfortunately, that is sort of like my experience. The more I had to hold back, the harder it became for me to let it out! Any thoughts or suggestions on why that happened?

[slavelucy]

The more I had to hold back, the harder it became for me to let it out! Any thoughts or suggestions on why that happened?

Hiya Kats,

There's quite a lot of stuff actually on that thread you mentioned as to why that might have happened, in terms of reasons for org. control, the way it is handled, expectations of the sub etc etc. IMHO, i think successful orgasm deprivation is more like orgasm control, in that the outcome of it should really be that one finds it just as easy to climax on command as they do to NOT climax on command. It is, however, a fine line.

sl

[tehya]

Hiya Kats,

There's quite a lot of stuff actually on that thread you mentioned as to why that might have happened, in terms of reasons for org. control, the way it is handled, expectations of the sub etc etc. IMHO, i think successful orgasm deprivation is more like orgasm control, in that the outcome of it should really be that one finds it just as easy to climax on command as they do to NOT climax on command. It is, however, a fine line.

sl

Hey there luce,

Will there ever come a day when we disagree??? LOL...

That fine line you speak of is soooooo very true. And it is the difference between good communication between partners and bad communication. In the after care, it is important to discuss all areas of a scene. If one finds it more difficult to release after a long session of deprivation, then perhaps the time should be shortened... or perhaps it just isn't for that person.

The best advice i can offer, is talk talk talk and then talk some more. Never be afraid to explain to your partner what happened and what you think might help the situation. And remember, what works for some, won't for others... There is so much to try or discover, one should not get hung up if something does not work for them. Move on and find something that does... have fun!

Master's tehya

[slavelucy]

Will there ever come a day when we disagree??? LOL...

LOL...surely not tehya, especially not on your birthday!

(i kept meaning to respond to this post but never got round to it for some reason).

You're so very right about communication in this area...one of the things that concerned me slightly in LostOne's thread was a lack of clarity in terms of expectations on her (regarding begging, not begging etc etc)...not a major problem on the surface, but IMO (not humble! ) controlling someone's orgasms without a great deal of communication as you go (and, as you rightly say, afterwards) is a recipe for disaster.

sl

P.S. i am currently deprived again, which is probably what reminded me to reply to this thread.

[Learn Humility]

I believe that in the beginning of a relationship, the submissive should be permitted orgasms as frequently as she wishes, although they should be limited to occasions in which she is being used by her Master.

This will enable her to associate the pleasurable feeling of the orgasm with the necessary early bonding period in which she learns her Master's requirements, rules, preferences, etc.

Later, as the relationship develops, I find that denial and deprivation work quite well (for short periods of time) in increasing the sub's willingness to perform and expand her limits, as well as increasing the enjoyment for her through the added intensity.

Denial = willingness to expand limits = greater reward for expanding limits thru more intense orgasm = future willingness to continue to expand limits.

[slavelucy]

*wonders in, looking a bit dazed*

i've been on CD for two weeks and just came um...way over 20 times...*blushes but grins*

Just wanted to share that, for the hell of it..*shrugs*.

(LearnHumility - i like that flow chart of deprivation btw)

lucy