"The basic points of the conversation is that what bothers them the most about gorean philosophy is that it is to structured for them. They do not want a relationship based on protocol since it is to much trouble. They basically don't want to play by set rules but to just make it up as they go along.

So I guess my question to everyone (including lurking goreans) is:

"How important is discipline (rules, protocols, etc.) in a BDSM relationship? Is it just something that you only want to impose in the play room or should it be part of the whole lifestyle.""

My problem isn't the rules of Gor per se (as I understand them), more the rigidity of saying "This is the only basic format acceptable if you want to call yourself Gorean". For me the entire point is finding a structure that works for the individual. Wide, sweeping conclusions about "what works" are by default, destined to fail when put under scrutiny, sexual philosophy or otherwise.

I take the same exception to it that I take when Christian posters reference to the Bible and say "See, A Male Dom/female sub relationship is 'natural', it's in the book". Well, tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, but as a male with a sub streak, call me crazy but I don't take well to having my behaviour defined as unnatural - which is exactly what the statement does, whether intended or not. It simply isn't true, accurate, or fair.

Conversely with Goreans, just because I don't feel the need for (in my own opinion) an undue level of visible formality, doesn't mean I lack either structure, or format. It's simply different. Goreans themselves make a direct choice to ostricise themselves, in a way, by handing themselves the Gorean label - "If you don't do X, Y, and Z, you're not one of us". In that sense, Goreans do as much to distance themselves from "the rest of us" as anyone else ever has. My structure may not be Gorean, but it does exist.

There's also the issue of "do you really want full-time strucutre", meaning out of the bedroom basically. I do, many here do, but not everyone does. There's no reason those people should feel like they are having noses turned up at them as a result.

Part of my own personal philosophy in life in general (beyond just D/s), has been a direct choice to rely on my instincs a great deal, and not too much on written sources. This is not to say I don't read, or am unwilling to consult well written sources of information. But I also think too much of anything is not a good thing - I see a lot of very intelligent people who, when it comes to making decisions, are doing little more in life than "consulting the manual" on that subject, as it were. An over-reliance on the written advice of others, as opposed to listening to themselves and finding ways to work through things using those tools. I choose to take a more... self-disigned approach, in D/s and many other things.

Thus as a result of several factors I couldn't see Gor ever working for me personally. That is not to say it's fatally flawed by any means, it simply isn't for me.