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  1. #1
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alex Bragi View Post
    Thank you so much Cromedome11, I really appreciate you taking time to read and edit this, particularly since it's not your genre. I'm going to begin correcting and culling now.

    Thanks again,
    Alex
    If you want more feedback, I would have her tease him more. Especially before she stuffs the cross up his ass. She could force him to confess his sins, and, depending on where you want to go with the story, the sins of his religion. Another idea would be to have her jack him off before she cuts off his dick -- pleasure to pain in one quick motion. Without wanting to demean any of the work, I thought the quality of the writing improve through the piece. I especially liked some of the phasing in part 4.
    :boobies2: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours. -- The Princess Bride

  2. #2
    Down under & loving it
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    Quote Originally Posted by chromedome11 View Post
    If you want more feedback, I would have her tease him more. Especially before she stuffs the cross up his ass. She could force him to confess his sins...
    Actually, I think that's an excellent suggestion!

    Again, thank you.

    Alex
    You can suck 'em, and suck 'em, and suck 'em, and they never get any smaller. ~ Willy Wonka

    Alex Whispers

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