flicka, how much of the concerns you bring to this forum is your partner aware of?

If he knows you're worried about the causes of your desires, and that you are confused by others trying to foist their definitions of BDSM on you, and that you feel you must be a bad slave, then maybe he feels that what you really need IS a cuddle. I'd give you one if I could.

You're rant tells us what you feel you need. Does he know? If he does, there's a real problem, I guess. If he doesn't, show the rant to him. And look forward to a good heavy punishment for bad communication.

Spike