Questions on collars

[Flaming_Redhead]

What is the difference between a collared submissive and a slave?

These definitions were obtained from Wikipedia. I hope this helps to alleviate your misgivings. It can be hard to come to terms with your innermost desires versus what your brain tells you is "right." The great thing about having a mind of your own is that you can assimilate the information people give you and either accept it or reject it depending on what works best for YOU.

A submissive is one who enjoys having any of a variety of BDSM practices performed upon them by a dominant; or one who holds a submissive position within a relationship based upon dominance and submission (D/s). This enjoyment can spring from a simple desire for submission or an enjoyment of the interplay of wills involved in such a scenario. A submissive is also referred to as a "sub", where the dominant in a D/s relationship is the 'Dom.'

The main difference between a submissive and a bottom is that the submissive ostensibly does not give instructions, although they do set limits on what the Dominant can do.

There are also indications that submissives substantially outnumber Dominants[citation needed], in both males and females. Professional Dominants provide stimulatory services (which may or may not include sex) for those unable to find a compatible partner for this activity.

There are some indications that preference in D/s activities follows a 'compensatory' pattern[citation needed], with people who have much power and responsibility in real life often preferring a submissive role; no hard scientific data to either confirm or reject this hypothesis seem to exist, however.

In many BDSM communities, there is a distinction between a submissive and a slave. In this context, a slave's goal is surrender and obedience. In contrast, a submissive tends to expect some gratification in return for his or her submission.

Slave is a term often used in BDSM to connote a specific form of submissive. A sexual roleplay or consensual slave could also be a masochist or bottom, but this is not always the case.

Connotatively it refers to highly committed domination and submission (commonly abbreviated as D/s) relationships, as a person who has surrendered their personal property and freedoms to another, who has become the property or chattel of their owner(s). This term is widely used, as it has a certain self-affirming weight.

Some practitioners feel the difference between submissive and slave is the degree of submission. However, many who are involved in Master/slave relationships see the difference as one in kind, not in degree. In particular, some slaves do not have a naturally submissive personality, but simply choose to surrender their will and volition to another.

It should be noted that the Owner/slave relationship is entered into on a strictly consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery. It is also worth mentioning that the laws of most countries (for example the Thirteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution) strictly forbid the practice of slavery.

Various forms of symbolism are sometimes used to affirm the Owner/slave relationship, such as wearing the owner's collar, being registered in a slave register, adopting (sometimes legally changing to) a name chosen by the owner, or engaging in a public declaration or ritualized ceremony of some type. Some people draw up a slave contract that defines the relationship in explicit detail, but these have no legal weight and are therefore not intended to be used in any court of law.

In some traditional rituals, after signing a slave contract, many people celebrate the commitment to the relationship with a collaring ceremony, which can be simple or elaborate and friends are usually invited. The slave then wears a collar, which symbolizes their status. The collar may be an actual piece of neckwear, or may be a bracelet or other piece of jewellery that symbolizes their slavery. These collars are generally never removed unless or until the relationship is dissolved, although some slaves exchange a formal collar for a more subdued (or less obtrusive) one in work and vanilla situations.

There is considerable debate over the exact definition of the word "slave" as it pertains to BDSM. Many people believe that you are a slave if you consider yourself one, whilst others believe one must be in the emotional state of Total Power Exchange or Internal Enslavement for the term to apply.

There are differences of opinion about whether one needs to be currently owned to be identified as a slave. Many in the Mistress/Master-slave community do not feel that ownership is a requirement.

What changes when a submissive is collared by his/her Dom(me)?

That's like asking, "What changes when one gets married?" Nothing....everything. *smiles* Hopefully, the relationship will continue to develop as trust and respect for each other grows, allowing you to explore your desires, fulfill your fantasies and live a life you have only dreamed of....one where you are free to be yourself and encouraged to be totally honest. One in which you are regarded in the highest esteem by your dominant for your service, giving you the confidence to command the respect of others as well as having a healthy self-respect. Of course, this is just my opinion. It all depends on what your expectations are and whether those expectations are voiced and acknowledged/agreed upon. It's usually a good idea to write them down so they can be included in your contract. That way, everyone is in agreement on what is expected. As far as the different stages of collaring as given by Wikipedia, I haven't read about this still being followed by many, if anyone, in today's community. Like I said, it's whatever works best for YOU.

In the old guard leather community there were three stages of collaring. These are still informally followed by some in the BDSM community. The "collar of consideration" was the first and roughly analogous to a pre-engagement ring. This collar could be removed at any time by the submissive with no ill will and the relationship would be ended. The "training collar" is roughly analogous to an engagement ring and indicates a deepening relationship in which the submissive is being prepared by the dominant to serve to the standards the dominant wishes. Again, the submissive may ask to be released but the break is considered more serious and painful for both parties. Finally, the "slave collar" is analogous to a wedding band and at this point the submissive is considered a formal slave and owned by the dominant. In the old guard leather community this was considered permanent with no chance to end unless the submissive was released by the dominant for some exceptional reason. Simple failure of service was not adequate since that showed a failure on the part of the dominant as well as the slave. As with engagement and wedding rings there are traditions with collars in regard to type of materials and colors that are appropriate to each type, usually becoming more elaborate.