Rhabbi,
Well you didn't disappoint me so you don't have to go back to Ruby.
I like the precise clipped military style. You expect your readers to be involved enough to draw some important implications based on a scarcity of facts. You do it well enough (IMHO) for that to work. The demand for the readers engagement helps drag them in and make them care about the story. As story telling goes it's pretty darn good. I know I have a dozen questions I want the writer to answer. I'll take a little time to go over this piece and then get back with a few suggestions. Meanwhile do you want to continue with this story or do you want to work on a different project?
You can PM me either way.
Mad