Mishka,

This is a very nice piece. I liked the natural flow of it and all the little details, including the conversation about little details. I like the anxious energy and I can see why he might have made her wait. She was too jittery, no?

I like that she is so awkward, like real people often are. Nicley done.

So, no spellcheck and grammer help sucks, eh? We get it, we are babied and a little crippled by our technology! (bending down to kiss my keyboard).

I like the save at the end. At least he didn't leave her totally hangin.

I wonder how many mistakes you made? After reading so much of Mad Lews's stories, I have learned to ignore spelling errors and such and just appreciate a good story. Your errors, I wasn't lookin for 'em and didn't really notice them.

I think Rhabbi's ending is nicer and perhaps more likely, and leaves room for a steamier ending. Your's gives a chance to write another steamier scene, both are good options.

Maybe the teachers here could let ya'll morph into one; a transformer writing team of sorts...

Nicely done Mishka.

Beswitchingly