Thank you for this thoughtful and thought-provoking essay.
If I may, I would like to take the argument a step further.

Nobody has any power in a DS relationship.

Whatever is done is done in agreement. The relationship and interaction is based on the freedom of both partners. It is possible to enter into a free agreement because none of the participants has power over the other. Power and free consent are incompatible.

A submissive person does not 'have the power to' negotiate, set limits, refuse, stop a scene, leave.
A submissive person is free to negotiate, set limits, refuse, stop a scene, leave.


Power can work as an aphrodisiac or be an object of desire in itself.
Seeking power in reality has rewards, and great perils.

Power as an ingredient in erotic fiction and fantasy provides the thrill without the drawbacks.
An erotic story with the power ingredient must do without free consent.


In a real DS relationship based on free consent, the partners can for mutual benefit and pleasure evoke the signs, symbols, demonstrations, taste of power. The mysterious luck is that they work, even though nobody holds any power.