Who Really Has the Power in a DS Relationship?

[BDSM_Tourguide]

The submissive has to be willing.
The dominant, too.
Story of all those experimenting people who asked someone to tie them up for sexual play and got a refusal, and went on looking for someone who would.

This is true. Consent on either side is required. Refusal to play with someone doesn't alter any power in a relationship aspect that never existed in the first place. Everyone has the right to say no.

The submissive is allowed to say no, and set limits.
The dominant, too.
If, for example, the submissive wants to try out a type of play the dominant is too uncomfortable with, the dominant is not under an obligation to do it.

Indeed. The difference is choice. The dominant may choose to set his limits apart from his submissives and not perform activities of which he is ignorant or unsure. The dominant is required to not perform any activities which the submissive has named as limits without first discussing and negotiating a change in those limits. Often, with a couple of practice runs to see how the activity is received by the submissive and whether she wishes to continue to a more serious level.

The submissive can interrupt or stop a scene.
The dominant, too.
If the dominant party feels that a time-out is needed, or the scene is going into an unfortunate direction, the dominant can call a hold, too. Just does not use a safeword for it.

Yes, but again, the operative word is choice. The dominant may choose to stop a scene if he feels a break is needed, or if he feels something about the scene is wrong or if there may be a safety issue. That is the mark of a responsible dominant. The dominant is rerquired to end a scene once the submissive uses her safeword. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. The scene ends, the parties talk about why it ended, and if the submissive is willing to continue, the scene may again be started.

A dominant stopping a scene on his own choice shows responsibility to the submissive. Caring, respect, safety and communication from both parties should be expected, not a pleasant surprise.

The submissive is always free to end the relationship and move on.
The dominant, too.
Though some seem to choose the rather cowardly option of withdrawing into silence, or provoking an unpleasant scene, and leave it to the other to formally state that the relationship is over! :yuck:

Yes, but this is true of any relationship, not just DS ones. They have a word for forcing someone to maintain a relationship with you even after they've asked to leave. It's called kidnapping.

So I agree that it is all based on compromise and free agreement between free people.
From my point of view, that is so because there is no power involved.

Even though I pointed out counterpoints to your "no power" arguement, I will still agree with you. I have always maintained that a BDSM relationship is still a relationship. It's no different from a vanilla relationship in the expectations of caring, respect, trust, honesty, and communication. When it comes to the actual DS element, however, I will still say the ultimate control of what does or does not happen rests with the submissive for the reasons I gave above.