Inner Conflict

[TomOfSweden]

but being a slave means becoming a doormat..and i disagree with that...any thoughts on that?

I don't understand the problem. You want someone "to take control of every part of me". But any Master who loves you wants first and foremost that you are happy. If he doesn't care about your happiness then it's not much of a relationship, is it? So why not go for the happy doormat?

There's a difference between being in control and taking the decisions. In control means more than anything that you are aware of all the details. That you understand what is happening and why the Master does what he does. Which off-course can get a bit obsessive, but it's in my opinion nothing unhealthy. Communication and trust can solve all this. Or should solve all this.