Inner Conflict

[HollyBlue]

I find for myself there have been way too many parts of my life that I have had no choice but to be in complete control, and quite frankly I'm tired of it.
This is not to say that I want to give up all control in all areas of my life, I do enjoy having some, but at the end of my 8 hours at work I am quite happy to leave it there. My past relationship (long story) was one where I had no choice but to be in complete control all the time, thus it being a past relationship, I simply couldn't take it anymore. I find it refreshing now to have met someone I enjoy, who is willing (and happy) to accept the responsibility of what I have given him, he does not control every aspect of my life, but when I see him, or hear his voice, or even open an e-mail from him I feel relief in that I am no longer in a position where I have to make all the decisions, it's like a breath of fresh air to me, and for the first time in my life I feel I can breathe deeply.

You've expressed my experience, almost exactly. From growing up too fast and becoming "lady of the house" at age fourteen because of my mother's illness and death from breast cancer, to marrying too young and trying to take care of a full-grown little boy for fourteen years, to taking over projects and leading people my entire working career...I wanted nothing more than to let go. Rather than type my thoughts on the subject all over again, I'll refer to a blog post I made, in hopes that reading it may help someone who is struggling with confusion about living a dominant life with a submissive's heart:

The Snow Leopard

[good_girl]

You've expressed my experience, almost exactly. From growing up too fast and becoming "lady of the house" at age fourteen because of my mother's illness and death from breast cancer, to marrying too young and trying to take care of a full-grown little boy for fourteen years, to taking over projects and leading people my entire working career...I wanted nothing more than to let go. Rather than type my thoughts on the subject all over again, I'll refer to a blog post I made, in hopes that reading it may help someone who is struggling with confusion about living a dominant life with a submissive's heart:

The Snow Leopard

I read your blog, and although my story is different than yours is has it's share of similarities. I recently got a tattoo of an angelfish, symbolic of me, the angelfish looks beautiful and delicate but is actually a very strong fish, a fighter, add to that, although they do fine on their own, they prefer to have a partner, and when in pairs they take care of each other, that is me in a nutshell.