Who Really Has the Power in a DS Relationship?

[ProjectEuropa]

Thank you TG , for your forceful, and cogent response to my comments. I thought that "idealistic" would provoke one, and am very pleased with the result because I totally agree with you; but don't think that everybody out there realises the fundamental truth of what you say. Its needed to be said and to be repeated from time to time.

You give up too easily Donatien. TG is describing what a model BDSM relationship should be like not what an actual BDSM relationship might be like. It's a little like the Pope saying, that crimes committed by Christians are not crimes committed by the church. The church can't deny its congregation's crimes and keep its credibilty.

People are not static, the human mind is like shifting sand, we constantly drift from one psychological landscape into another and so do not conform happily to model relationships. We all know or should know, what BDSM relationships are about but how many relationships actually conform to that model? Just as few vanilla relationships conform to a so called norm, without rigid conservative values that tend to warp and restrict the people who hold them.

The woman who intellectually articulated BDSM to me, constantly talked of trust and the importance of trust. I have never had a relationship with a woman who has talked about trust as much as she did. I ended trusting her implicitly so much so I gave up more for her than I would have given up for anyone else (what fools men are!). She was the one woman I have had a relationship with that I shouldn't have trusted because she herself was incapable of trust. But how does one know that until it is too late?

Yes, we can define model relationships and what we should aspire to but we have to be realistic about the human condition with its frailties. Subs are willingly submissive but not necessarily so. Doms might be invited to be dominant but not necessarily so. We can't look into people's minds and say whether they are following the code or not. Because a BDSM relationship might become actual abuse or because of manipulation it becomes dishonest we can't actually turn round in horror and say that is not BDSM. We can show our disapproval but to become a Pope denying christian crimes is not an option if one wants to remain credible.