Okay, this thread has started to give me a headache. I like a good discussion as well as the next person, but I think that many of the posts in this thread have some truth to them and that it has now become an issue of nitpicking over semantics. So, let me offer the amazing possibility that, as with any healthy relationship, both partners share the power. The degree of power one has over the other is a matter of personal preference as long as it has been discussed and both partners are in agreement.

lucy said it best with her comment that "the sub has the power to say where it doesn't go...the dom, from there, says where it does go." That pretty accurately sums it up IMO.

Now I have another reminder to make...anyone can open a thread here...that means that any of us can write articles on aspects of the scene that we feel are worth expanding upon. The more the merrier as far as I'm concerned because I enjoy hearing what others think. For example, I have enjoyed threads Eraser has started in order to discuss issues such as old guard vs. new. I also find many of TG's discussions interesting and think they may be especially helpful to newer members of the scene.

As I said early, I tend to think many of us agree on the broad picture and then choose to nitpick over the particulars. Well, of course everyone's particulars are going to be different. We all are unique individuals with our own experiences and values to bring to a D/s relationship. Europa provides an excellent example of how our differing experiences can influence our opinions when he explains (I believe in another thread) about the unfortunate bdsm "relationship" he had when starting out in the scene. After reading that, his posts here seemed way less antagonistic and simply like he was still working through his thoughts by asking questions and making suggestions. If we could all be a bit more understanding of the intent behind some posts and try to maintain a discussion of differences in opinion instead of an argument, I know I'd be really happy to see it. Also, I think we generally do a good job of respecting the opinions of others around here...this thread just seems to have been dragged back and forth through the dirt a bit too much for somewhat minor differences.

I see valid points on all sides...the key is to make sure the relationship works for all the parties involved, not for this entire community.

eb