Sadism

[Spitman]

Sadism is very rarely mentioned on these pages yet it seems an essential requirement to be a Dom in my eyes.

I don't think it's necessary to be sadistic to enjoy the dominant role. There are dominant masochists who enjoy the experience of the sub vicariously, and are more interested in controlling the sensations of the sub than getting off on the infliction of pain. It might seem like a subtle difference, but to both protagonists it makes a sensational, delicious difference. A sub has nowhere to hide from a dominant but sensitive masochist, and nothing to fear from someone who sees the experience from the inside out.

[ProjectEuropa]

I don't think it's necessary to be sadistic to enjoy the dominant role. There are dominant masochists who enjoy the experience of the sub vicariously, and are more interested in controlling the sensations of the sub than getting off on the infliction of pain. It might seem like a subtle difference, but to both protagonists it makes a sensational, delicious difference. A sub has nowhere to hide from a dominant but sensitive masochist, and nothing to fear from someone who sees the experience from the inside out.

Hmm I think there is a whole spectrum that various people inhabit and some move along it with ease and some are happy in their own particular place. Domination is not a form of paternalism, it is what it says, domination. OK we are on the whole civilised people and confront our kinks usually and preferably in cooperation with a partner who has a complimenting kink. However if we take away the sugar coating of cooperatoin and domination has no sadism in its make up, what is the motivation behind the domination?

[csr]

There are dominant masochists who enjoy the experience of the sub vicariously, and are more interested in controlling the sensations of the sub than getting off on the infliction of pain.

Fascinating. I never thought of that angle. I wonder how many people who 'switch' are still enjoying the same element of the interaction, only vicariously.

Hmm I think there is a whole spectrum that various people inhabit and some move along it with ease and some are happy in their own particular place. Domination is not a form of paternalism, it is what it says, domination. OK we are on the whole civilised people and confront our kinks usually and preferably in cooperation with a partner who has a complimenting kink. However if we take away the sugar coating of cooperatoin and domination has no sadism in its make up, what is the motivation behind the domination?

Domination/submission comes in many, many flavours. Just like non-kink people can call themselves "breast-men" or "leg-men," people into D/s are getting off on different aspects of the relationship. Some people crave to humiliate or to be humiliated, and don't need a whip, cane, or clamp around to enjoy themselves. For those people... it's still called domination, because it involves control/giving up control. For a painslut like me, the sadistic streak my S.O. has is a must, but many people just don't need to go there. How about all the stories on this site where there is no infliction of pain at all? They're filled with domination--just of a different type. I think the only common denominator is the control part.

[Ranai]

what is the motivation behind the domination?

I think asking about a motivation is not adequate here. Motivation implies a choice.

Nobody decides to get sexually aroused by XY. It is a relation of cause and effect beyond our control. It's not a matter of choice.

For some people, domination is erotic. Being in control, calling the shots, being obeyed can work as a pleasure and a turn-on in its own right. Just as for the complement submissives, obedience to the other's instructions and submission to the other's actions causes an erotic charge, feelings of happiness, feelings of being fulfilled.

I have a motivation when I choose to do something. If people act according to their preferences, the motivation is to cause those feelings.

Some things we can influence to a degree. Among them are self-awareness, empathy and skill. (Everyone can probably add various other qualities.) I think it's a good idea to cultivate and practise them. Not least because it also has benefits for ourselves. And supports us in enjoying our many-flavoured kinks.