Lizzy, to me, it seems like you need to have an open discussion with him. Sit down, and talk, when you're not in "Sex" mode, or thought, and explain to him. If it were me, I would probably say something like: "As your wife, I need certain things from you. While I don't want to pressure you into doing something that would make you uncomfortable, as spouses, we need to air our wants and desires, and I need you to show me that you care for me, by giving in to my wants and needs too". It sounds to me that while your husband might not be good at taking control, he also isn't thinking of you. Someone I once knew, told me (In a male-female relationship) that for a union to be successful, both parties have to consider the other's needs first, before their own, and think about "What does my significant other/husband/wife, need from me to be happy, and what do they need to do to make me happy?" It sounds like a good concept.
I hope what I said has helped. I've read other situations on the net where one spouse has trouble understanding the other spouse's needs, and it was something that had to be worked out. I'm a believer that communication and compromise solves many things. Good Luck. I hope it works out for you.

Mitch