Thank you for that deep response,

It really made me think, okay those moments before I responded but thank you so much for helping me out with the response. Before the rape, I knew I wasn't that sexual with intercourse but I don't know why, then when I was rape it made it harder for me to relax, when ever a guys dick is inches from me....not from my mouth, but my pussy I get nervous like he is going to force me and even if he is gentle that it will hurt. Its the pain that cares me where I can't do anything because I know with sex there is always a point that it could be forced and out of my control....but with say breath control....its all in my control even if something does go wrong. I know rape is all about control but in the really bad way, different than BDSM, because BDSM is more compassionate in the way of surrendering yourself to another.

I've tried having sex with two partners over the gap of time but when it started to hurt I pushed the person away then it reminded me of the rape, I know with the right partner perhaps I could have sex but it would take me along time and the right person into doing so. Thank you for telling me about your experiences, some times it feels like so much people want sex...my best friend said to me don't you ever want to know what its like to make love? To me surrendering all of myself is as special as making love. Perhaps with the right guy in a long time I'd be able to but surrendering myself in other forms feels so special so intense....beyond words for me.

Thank you for listening and taking the time to respond to me, it put a smile on my face By the way I am thinking of getting a vibrator to help me with the tightness, the thing is when it hurts because I am tight when the guy is inside me it makes me think of the rape..lol

Sarah