Self esteem and self confidence

[Rhabbi]

Self esteem issues are in all of us. Just keep reminding yourself that all those people out there are just like you. Insecure and lonely. You can make it, we all have.

[tanis]

Self esteem issues are in all of us. Just keep reminding yourself that all those people out there are just like you. Insecure and lonely. You can make it, we all have.

I agree. Been there, worked at it for years (all my life) and only a little while ago did I start to believe the nice things my loved ones said about me. It still gets in my head...but I think this:

If you were my submissive I would find that statement highly insulting. In fact, let me ask you do you think your master has such horrible taste and sense that he would pick someone who is in fact:

ugly
stupid
fat
good for nothing
and a waste of his time?

finally got into my head by a loved one and one day stuck. That was just the beginning. It is a waste of time to stew in our flaws and weaknesses.

[TomOfSweden]

Self esteem issues are in all of us. Just keep reminding yourself that all those people out there are just like you. Insecure and lonely. You can make it, we all have.

I think you hit the nail on the head here, Rhabbi. Most, (if not all) of us have insecurity issues. And with "us" I don't mean people into BDSM, but all humans. Chances are you are just normal. I think blaming your background is just a way for you to explain or justify it, but I think you might be wrong. Possibly you are holding yourself down and using your background to keep yourself down. The human mind is all but rational and logical.

It might be as simple as telling yourself you're great and beautiful. Write it with a marker on the mirror you use every morning. Beat that into your head instead.

[gloombunny]

One thing I've found can help, and that hasn't already been mentioned, is simply doing something that you're good at. The best way is to have a useful, productive job that you do well, but that's not always feasible to arrange. If it's not, you might think about taking up some sort of hobby or craft that interests you and spending enough time on it to do it well.

Being good at something is a surprisingly effective way to not feel good for nothing.

[gagged_Louise]

One thing I've found can help, and that hasn't already been mentioned, is simply doing something that you're good at. The best way is to have a useful, productive job that you do well, but that's not always feasible to arrange. If it's not, you might think about taking up some sort of hobby or craft that interests you and spending enough time on it to do it well.

Being good at something is a surprisingly effective way to not feel good for nothing.

I totally agree, Natalie. Having to fit to others' ideas (parents, schoolmates, authorities, a too narrow-minded church, bureaucrats) of what you should be and what works to do is a surefire way to grinding down your self-esteem, especially when you're actually trying to bring something into the world that hasn't been made a hundred times before. Of course that's not just an "interior" thing, it can be damn much built on making money, getting an education or being able to move to another part of the country and in doing so, being in a position to tell some of those other leeches to keep at a safe distance. But just like Natalie put it, one way of creating that inner space of self-esteem and stability is to pick up something you enjoy doing and which you may not have to see in pro terms if you don't want to. It may be more or less closely wired to your long-term goals, the thing that matters is that you don't have to defend it to others or follow others' rules.

Unfortunately, we live in an age that forces many people to walk around hunching for idiotic reasons.