Oh, my goodness, I can't believe I've missed this thread. I truly believe it is the best, deepest, most helpful thread on submission and what it is to (learn to) be submissive, that I have ever read, here or elsewhere.

Thank you everyone. Firstly - thank you for speaking my thoughts for me, and mostly, far more eloquently (and far more succinctly) than I seem able to do. Tessa, you are amazing - and yes, sometimes we think too much. Red - thank you for sharing that very personal insight into your own path with us. It took great courage to do it, and I left my last relationship after 5 years for very similar reasons.

I could go through and quote everyone and everything... but I won't. I will stick with quoting jeanine, just above:

We want to be perfect for our Doms - perfectly submissive, perfectly beautiful, perfectly sexy... Well, who the heck defines what perfect is? I vow, beginning now, to let my husband define perfect
Obviously, the italics are mine. This made me think - when he asks me to do something simple, such as send a photograph or show myself on cam when I'm not expecting it, and I protest - no, I can't, I'm ugly/fat/don't look good for whatever other reason - and he answers 'Let me be the judge of that'.

Let me be able to accept that. Let me be able to accept that he loves and desires me, and that what he sees is beautiful. Let me be able to let go. Let me be able to, yes, give up; give up my own fears and thoughts and feelings to him. Let me be brave enough to open myself to this love and care that is offered. Let me, please, submit... as much as I want to submit. Let me, please, stop being afraid of myself and of my own desires.

Please let me open up. Please wait for me to open up. Please help me to open up. I know it's in there. But meanwhile - well, yes - please put up with me!!!

And my answer to myself is? Time. Time and trust. Time and trust and communication. Time and trust and communication and love. He will wait for me to get there; he wants me to get there; he knows I try... we both need what the other needs, in one another.

Barely submissive... hmm. Sometimes, not submissive at all!