Quote Originally Posted by Rosie
Thank you very much for all your thoughtful comments and helpful advice.

slo18


I agree, it doesn't. When I tackled him about it, he said that he didn't really mean what he had said.


bearbeast


Not easy with kids in the house, but I understand what you are getting at. We have discussed likes/dislikes, and I honestly believe he would stop if I told him to. But I know he has issues with what we do. He was brought up to never hit a girl, and to find that he liked doing it, was very hard on him.

BDSM Tourgide

Ouch - that's tough. But one of the reasons I keep coming back to this board is your matter-of-fact advice to this way of life, so when that advice is aimed at me - I ought to pay attention. I do need to seriously consider the answers to your questions. Until recently I would have said I felt safe with him, but now I'm not so sure.

His pita

It scared me, too. He always says he puts my safety first. In this instance he hadn't told me he was upset with me, and I didn't know until much later that I was being punished.

Her Joe


I feel torn because I should trust him. We've been married twenty years and he's never raised a hand to me. (Well, outside of this type of activity, that is) And he can't understand why this one incident is such a big deal to me.

Ruby


I do want to continue with him, and I do love him. The interest in BDSM is mine; he says he does it just for me, and he doesn't want to read up about it. It's taken me all of our married life to get to this stage - he wouldn't even indulge in spanking before this - but I know he enjoys it if he could just let himself get into it. I don't want to go back to vanilla but now, I'm scared to proceed, and in a way, it's harder that he's my husband because I want him to need the same things I do.

TG's questions are valid, but the answers are not ones I particularly like. If I can't play with him, I lose the sensations I crave, and I don't want to be without him.

Looks like I have a lot of hard questions ahead.
When I first read this I went "WOW". This made warning bells go off in my head. I totally agree with everything said. I really think he needs to set down and think about what he was getting back at you for. Sounds like he may have some deep seated resentments that need to be dealt with before he can begin to be the Dom you want, if he will ever be able to.

I grew up in the same fashion he did. Very conservative family that taught me never to hit girls and to follow the golden rule. As I grew older, I found I had all these desires that I was ashamed of and unfortuantely had no one to talk to about. For the longest time I just pushed them inside, hiding them from the world and myself. When I finally found others within the lifestyle that enjoyed the same things I did, I found out I wasn't alone in my feeling or thoughts.

What a relief that was for me. For the first time in my life, I could finally open up and be myself without worrying about what the others would think of me. As I researched this lifestyle more and more, I had to ask myself were the beliefs I was raised with really my beliefs. After a fews years of exploration, I gave myself permission to be the person that I really am - a Dominant male that gets turned on by having another person under my control and that it was OK to feel the way I did. I learned that a lot of women want a man that will take control and enforce their will.

I really think your husband needs to take a look at himself and the stuggles he has going on within himself. Until he comes to grip with the fact that he enjoys inflicting the pain that you crave, maybe he shouldn't play but do some research into the lifestyle and what it is he wants and you desire. Maybe look at what he really meant by what he said and why he would want to hurt you to get even with some deep seated resent he is carrying.

Hope this helps a little.

PainfulPleasures @ sbcglobal.net