Quote Originally Posted by hislittlebrattysub
I agree with pretty much everything said here. the one thing I would like to stress:


COMMUNICATION

You have been married 20 years, so this is not an easy relationship to walk away from. That being taken into account, I would seriously stop any sort of intimacy until a dialogue has begun that makes you comfortable again. I really really really hope that you find a kink-friendly therapist and start going. He obviously has issues that he needs to address. Even if he refuses to go to therapy with you, go on your own. This is a HUGE red flag and I hope you go get the help your relationship needs. Safety is a big big concern and remind him about the mottos of the bdsm community: SSC and RACK. Please, for your sake and his, go get some help from someone. Take care of yourself. I wish you the best.
Yes, it seems clear that there are more issues involved here than just whether he can control himself while we play. Twenty years is a long time to be together - thank you for your concern.