I've had moments like that. When I thought he was into and I knew I was but I later found out he wasn't and it devastated me. I keep wanting to believe that he enjoys it more than he wants to admit to even himself but that is probably a self serving thing.

I totally understand the craving I have it too. It's sometimes a painful thing because even if he will play with me, it's not the same as what I really want, which is a Dominant that is secure in his own domination is confident and enjoys it when I submit to him.

*hugs*

So you are hurt emotionally that he lashed out at you like that but you enjoyed it before you knew that he was lashing out due to his unhappiness and anger?

That's what I'm saying. You enjoyed what he did before. The context has changed but I'll bet that was one of the best sessions you ever had with him before the context changed. So I'd say that you could channel it if you could get past this hurt.

You are most welcome. I don't have a huge amount of experience in BDSM but I do have some with pulling a husband into it when he claims he doesn't want to go there.

I'm sorry the three sessions had nothing in them to please you. It makes me wonder if he isn't trying to kill your hunger for this sort of play by making you do what he knows you do NOT like. I can see a guy doing that. Give her enough of her own medicine and she'll quit wanting it but in my case he would just possibly drive me to someone who would do the things I had a deep need for. I've been tempted to do so a along. It's only my love and trust with him that keeps me from doing that. If I thought he were playing those sorts of games with me, it would piss me off, possibly bad enough to be selfish enough to go for what I deeply feel driven to.

Good luck to you!

I'll be thinking about you.

*HUGS*

Fury