You've expressed my experience, almost exactly. From growing up too fast and becoming "lady of the house" at age fourteen because of my mother's illness and death from breast cancer, to marrying too young and trying to take care of a full-grown little boy for fourteen years, to taking over projects and leading people my entire working career...I wanted nothing more than to let go. Rather than type my thoughts on the subject all over again, I'll refer to a blog post I made, in hopes that reading it may help someone who is struggling with confusion about living a dominant life with a submissive's heart:
The Snow Leopard