Saying the "L" word...

[Arria]

Now, to answer the original question, here is my opinion:

- Men in general are not that much into making big words about that feeling, they feel more comfortable with proving their feeling by actions and facts. I. e., if they did not like to be with you, they would have left already.
If they say it at all, I think it is mainly done to please us.
An evil example of this would be a guy who treats the woman like shit, and when she complains, he would say "BUT I love you!!"
Regarding that, I go with a friend who once formulated that fact as "Actions speak louder than words."

- I also got the impression that men prefer to speak their feelings only if they can be sure they are met by the woman´s feelings. So help the poor guy and say it first! *lol*

I do not think there is a difference between men and Dom men. It is not like Dom men were an extra species.

The only ones who might have trouble speaking kind words are wannabe Doms who think it appropriate for a Dom to show an allover inconsiderate, impolite behaviour, like not opening doors for a sub woman, or not offering their seating place in a train for an elderly person.

This sort of wannabe Dom disgusts me, and I treat them with less respect, reverence and kindness than any other person, both within the BDSM community and outside. The ones of you who got an impression of me already are likely to know that. :-)

Kind regards
Arria

[Ozme52]

Now, to answer the original question, here is my opinion:

- Men in general are not that much into making big words about that feeling, they feel more comfortable with proving their feeling by actions and facts. I. e., if they did not like to be with you, they would have left already.
If they say it at all, I think it is mainly done to please us.
An evil example of this would be a guy who treats the woman like shit, and when she complains, he would say "BUT I love you!!"
Regarding that, I go with a friend who once formulated that fact as "Actions speak louder than words."

- I also got the impression that men prefer to speak their feelings only if they can be sure they are met by the woman´s feelings. So help the poor guy and say it first! *lol*I do not think there is a difference between men and Dom men. It is not like Dom men were an extra species.

Arria, I think this is certainly true among younger men before their self-confidence kicks in.

I also think that there is good reason to discuss the meaning of the word 'Love' between couples. From the "Hate" thread, of all places, I wrote:

Love my parents.
Love my father.
Love my mother.
Love my brother and/or sisters.
Love my friends.
Love my best friend.
Love my girl/boy friend.
Love my spouse.
Love my children.
Love my country.
Love a cold beer on a hot day.

One word. So many nuances of meaning. Each a different emotion. (...)

The subject is always the same... the object changes the meaning of the verb.

I think another reason men avoid using the word is because they assume doing so is a commitment to exactly the same kind and level of love the woman means... yet without knowing what kind or level of love she means. I suspect we just don't comunicate enough about the definitions.

I'm much more comfortable now than I was as a young man expressing my feelings... in part because I recognize the gamut of meanings implied and because I try to have that conversation. I recognize it is a small gift that gives great pleasure and I'm more willing to give it when it is understood by both what level of commitment goes with it.

The only ones who might have trouble speaking kind words are wannabe Doms who think it appropriate for a Dom to show an allover inconsiderate, impolite behaviour, like not opening doors for a sub woman, or not offering their seating place in a train for an elderly person.

This sort of wannabe Dom disgusts me, and I treat them with less respect, reverence and kindness than any other person, both within the BDSM community and outside. The ones of you who got an impression of me already are likely to know that. :-)

I agree, but also question when "love" is used too freely. To an extent where it becomes pro forma and is given without any emotional content. It becomes the equivilent of a "Hi, How are ya?" Just given because it is an expectation.

[~faerie~]

I do not think there is a difference between men and Dom men. It is not like Dom men were an extra species

Are you sure about that? *laughs and grins*

[tora]

I also got the impression that men prefer to speak their feelings only if they can be sure they are met by the woman´s feelings. So help the poor guy and say it first! *lol*

What of the man who declaires his undying love for you right at the end of your first sexual encounter with them? or worse in the middle of it. can make a normaly wounderful thing go sour very quickly if you dont feel the same back. Then your left with the awkward choice of saying it back or kissing them to try avoid answering them or even pretending not to have heard em.

I guess its a two sided coin, i too avoid the word love dirrected at a person in that context puerly for fear that it it wouldnt be returned :/ or cause am unsure am ready for all that comes with it.