Thank you, for this thoughtful response to my question. You have given me a lot of questions, and a lot of suggestions that are most helpful. I do try to please him; he said he would play like this but he didn't want to do just what I wanted, which was a fair comment, but we've had at least three sessions that were just horrible - there was nothing in them to please me at all.
I'd like to add to this if I may...

A good scene includes elements that both of you enjoy. And that comes with communication and learning each other. I've had these discussions before a scene and even had to communicate during a scene so things could be adjusted. Communication is literally the end all be all for bdsm.

I don't know how selfish of a lover your husband is on the whole. If he isn't a selfish lover then you should be able to get him to understand the whole give and take thing when it comes to sex and fun and games - including elements in the scene that both of you enjoy. If he is a selfish lover... oysh. Then you've got to start from square one.

Agreed. How do I know when he is going to be angry with me and therefore not safe to scene with if he doesn't tell me?
Again, that all goes back to communication. I know it can be difficult and even embarrassing, but it's very important to be specific when talking about bdsm. One of the things you can try is making it a special talk with some ground rules suitable to your personalities and relationship. i.e. no yelling, if feelings get hurt take a few moments time out... whatever works for you guys.

But more to the point, the danger is that he gets carried away with the feelings of anger and grows to like it. That's a situation you can't allow.