Remember, the only power a dom should have is the power that his submissive gives to him.
Sounds simple on paper - or cyber-paper - but its harder to negotiate when emotions come into play. But I understand what you're getting at - thank you.


A good scene includes elements that both of you enjoy. And that comes with communication and learning each other. I've had these discussions before a scene and even had to communicate during a scene so things could be adjusted. Communication is literally the end all be all for bdsm.

I don't know how selfish of a lover your husband is on the whole. If he isn't a selfish lover then you should be able to get him to understand the whole give and take thing when it comes to sex and fun and games - including elements in the scene that both of you enjoy. If he is a selfish lover... oysh. Then you've got to start from square one.
Again, that all goes back to communication. I know it can be difficult and even embarrassing, but it's very important to be specific when talking about bdsm. One of the things you can try is making it a special talk with some ground rules suitable to your personalities and relationship. i.e. no yelling, if feelings get hurt take a few moments time out... whatever works for you guys.
Hmm. Somewhere along the line communication has taken a back seat - not just in bdsm, but in our whole relationship. But we're trying… at least I think we are. After that incident, I'm not certain anymore that he has my best interests at heart.


But more to the point, the danger is that he gets carried away with the feelings of anger and grows to like it. That's a situation you can't allow.
Now that's a frightening thought. ..