Hmm. Somewhere along the line communication has taken a back seat - not just in bdsm, but in our whole relationship. But we're trying… at least I think we are. After that incident, I'm not certain anymore that he has my best interests at heart.
If you are not sure then you need to cease all bdsm activity until you and your husband have a chance to work on your relationship. You both need to be absolutely sure that you're communicating with each other. Active expression and listening going back and forth.

I don't know if your husband has your best interests at heart. But then I can't say I know if you have your husband's best interests at heart either. Not that you mean him ill, but it's a fine line to walk - balancing our own interests with those of our partner.

The important thing right now is re-establishing the lines of communication. All else comes after that.