If you are not sure then you need to cease all bdsm activity until you and your husband have a chance to work on your relationship. You both need to be absolutely sure that you're communicating with each other. Active expression and listening going back and forth.

I don't know if your husband has your best interests at heart. But then I can't say I know if you have your husband's best interests at heart either. Not that you mean him ill, but it's a fine line to walk - balancing our own interests with those of our partner.

The important thing right now is re-establishing the lines of communication. All else comes after that.
Agreed.