what an excellent topic. DK, I am beyond impressed that you have this much sorted out at your age, and how articulate you are at expressing it.

I am proud of you for identifying what works for you and putting a stop to your work in the scene with him.

sounds to me like there are deeper issues at play, and boy-oh-boy, nothing like a little D/s to amplify certain things. it's smart of you to take a step or three back and really look at what you're getting (or not) from him, and the fact that he goes to degredation is not good. the bigger issue, though, is that he does not listen to you and respect your requests and your boundaries. this is something extremely significant to focus upon.

maybe he only has a few years on you, in which case, you're both sorting out your thoughts on things and understanding your limits just in a vanilla way. adding D/s changes things considerably and in my thinking, it is something that is best explored after one has more life under their belt. but that's probably a whole 'nother thread.

I guess my biggest point is that it's REALLY important to clearly see that you are not being respected when you are being clear about your likes and dislikes, and are not being honored. I've done that same thing "but I know how much he cares about me deep down" "I know who he reeeeally is".

I think it would be really difficult to work with an inexperienced dom - to train him, in a sense. your guy needs to mature and to study the scene from both sides in order to understand where he fits in all of this.

good luck and kudos for walking away from this for a bit and protecting yourself. you really get it, sister!!