Okay, I've never started a thread before and have wanted to ask the other members for their advice on this for a LONG time, but didn't have the courage. Now it's gotten to the point where I need some help and suggestions now.

I'm pretty new to the lifestyle, although I've played around with bondage with other boyfriends before, we never put a name to it and I had never read about it. I stumbled on this forum about a year ago and realized what had been missing from my relationship and my life.

I went to my boyfriend who I've been in a vanilla relationship with for three years and live with, telling Him how much it interested me and how turned on I got by it. At first He was very unsure and then expressed a HUGE interest in it. We read everything we could get our hands on, talked it out at length, shared our fantasies (well I shared most of mine, He's a little shy about talking about those things) and decided to try playing.

We've been doing great and are incorporating it into other aspects of our lives as well and it's been working out pretty good. My problem is His attitude most of the time . . . well sucks! And I don't mean that he's not Dom-like (if that's a word lol), but he makes me feel badly about wanting to submit. If I come on to Him and let Him know that I'm in the mood to play He calls me a horny slut and laughs . . then pushes me away. Now I'm not against humiliation nor do I think what He's doing sounds very bad, but it really makes me feel like He's making a joke out of how much I want Him.

Another example: He will tell me to do things while we're playing (non-sexual even) such as eating off of the floor, which I find extremely humiliating (in a good way) and sexy as hell. But when I do it, He laughs and says things like "I just wanted to see if you'd actually do it" or " I can't believe you did that". This makes me feel soo bad about myself, like I'm nothing but an amusement to Him. I don't want Him to tell me to do things He finds funny, I want Him to order me to do things that He finds sexy.

I've told Him time and time again how this makes me feel and He always says He didn't mean it, or He's sorry and won't do it again. Yet the very next day . . . there He is making me feel bad about myself all over again. I've told Him that if He thinks it's degrading in a way that makes Him think less of me, that I want to stop and He says that He doesn't want to stop. I get the same answer when I ask Him if it maybe just isn't His thing. I don't know what's going on or what to do about it.

I don't know what I'm expecting by posting this, maybe some opinions on how to fix the situation or maybe any suggestions as to what's going on in His mind. It felt good just to get it off my chest, thanks for reading