What a great thread. Excellent questions and wonderful responses.

Quote Originally Posted by Isabelle90 View Post
Many have said that a D/s relationship is one of honesty and respect. If someone is in a D/s relationship outside of a marriage, presumably vanilla, how can either of them (D/s couple) know that the other is being honest?
This one is tricky. How can anyone know that anyone else is being honest? Can we ever. It's about trusting that other person and keeping your eyes open at the same time.

I trust my Nat to be honest with me and I am honest with him. It works for us.

When is it "okay" to have a relationship outside of marriage?
For me, it was "okay" when my T, my husband and partner of 20+ years, approved of my online role-playing writing partners. When the writing progressed into something else, he was there every step of the way. Reading what was written and deciding with me, if I could, would or should continue. When my Nat, wrote and asked about becoming my submissive, T and I took quite some time to review and approve his request.

For more background about Nat and me: http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3419

By the way, the relationship is still going strong. All with my T's approval.

I often feel guilty at having a fantastic marriage. It wasn't always so, but T and I have worked very hard on staying best friends and getting over the nasty bumps that life throws at us.

If someone realizes they are dominant or submissive but their spouse is neither, is it appropriate to start a new relationship with someone that is in the lifestyle?
Whew! That's a big question and I agree with others. It's a personal choice and a choice that can and will affect the marriage. It's a choice that's up to you. We make our choices and then we have to live with them.

My T is very dominant, he's my dom. Yet he decided to let Mistress Ruby come out to play. Lucky me, cause, "I switch, therefore I am."

If T told me, or asked me, not to have Nat as my submissive, we would honor his request. It doesn't mean that Nat and I wouldn't remain friends, yet "that" part of our relationship would be closed.

Would we still write together? Stories like this one:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3882

I certainly hope so! T isn't cruel enought to keep me from enjoying my naughty side via my writing.