As usual, some excellent posts and points made, and I echo most of the comments. Certainly one of the problems we see constantly are either newcomers who misunderstand the lifestyle and its roles/relationships or people who purposely mis-use the trappings of the lifestyle for their own egoistic little power trips. That's something we have to deal with in our own -- often inimitable -- ways. the trouble comes because very few of either of these two types spend any time educating themselves through reading the Forums -- just as we see in chat, people who don't read the rules and consistently break them, usually falsely pleading "ignorance". I heartily agree with the comment form above that "BDSM is a constant learning process" (just like life).

I would like to add, too, that on another site, I ran across someone's distinction between what is generally called "a Master Dom" and "a Daddy Dom." The Daddy Dom, so this definition went, was all about the mentoring along with the pleasures. The "Master Dom", again according to their definition, was all about the ordering and expecting to be obeyed without question just because he was "a Master." We've all had some experiences -- hopefully -- with both kinds. We respect Daddy Doms because of their experience, wisdom, and to use an often unheard word, their altruism. Master type Doms we may respect because they project a true dominant personality or have skills, abilities which we admire, whether they "teach" or mentor or not. Both earn respect for what they are and what they do. Wanna-bes and players who abuse the lifestyle, however. seem not to even give the appearance of earning respect or learning anything about the lifestyle that doesn't fit their preconceived notions -- which sadly to say often come just from looking at some bdsm porn pictures or videos that don't define a relationship beyond the immediate gratification of the Dom (or presumed "satisfaction" of the sub by being used by the Dom). That being the case, I'm reminded of the old saying "Education is our most important product."

I'm pretty sure, to most subs, being a good Dom is relating to them firstly and foremostly as a human being, not an objectification, and also negotiating what the subsequent roles are to be and how best they are enacted.