Hi midnite,

First up, we'll tackle formatting to make this easier to read. As I go along, I'll toss in some suggestions.

Ruby

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Ian barely glanced up from his laptop when Jenifer rushed into the office, shaking water from her raincoat and umbrella. "Jen, are you pathologically incapable of being on time?"

He knew that this question was a complete waste of his time, Jennifer was habitually late.

She said, "Sorry, Sir, but I got held up in the rain".

Ian stopped working with his laptop and looked at Jennifer. The six-foot tall blonde was trying to fix her long hair. Ian couldn't get over how much she looked like Christina Applegate, a television star from the late 1990s.

He thought to himself, "That's it! I am tired of this slave being late all the time and then brushing it off like it's no big deal. I guess I really have no other choice than to severely punish her."

*** I'm going to stop fixing the punctuation here. Please edit this assignment with an eye towards punctuation to help your reviewers. Thanks. ***

Ian pushed the send key on his laptop, he smiled briefly to himself and said "well Jennifer I just canceled the rest of my appointments for the day, would you like to know why?

Jennifer looked at Ian with a very surprised look on her face "yes Sir why did you cancel the rest of the appointments for today",

Ian stood up and walked slowly over to her, Jennifer stopped fixing her hair, now she was completely focused on Ian, for the first time she could tell by the look on his face that her Master was mad at her. Ian quickly moved beside her and grabbed her hair, treating her like the piece of property that she was he pulled her hair painfully tighta

he said "I canceled all of my appointments for the day because I plan on spending the rest of the day punishing a willful slave, and can you guess who it is?

Meekly Jennifer replied, "me Sir."

Looking Jennifer directly in the eye and using her hair to hold her attention Ian smiled and said "good guess, since you were 10 minutes late I am going to double it and use the number 20, first for the next 20 days your mouth will be used as my urinal, second I am going to beat each one of your tits 20 times, third you're going to kneel and use your mouth and tongue to provide my ass hole with 20 minutes of stimulation, forth you're going to suck my balls for 20 minutes, fifth you are going to spend 20 minutes with my cock in your mouth providing me with a long slow blow job, after I empty my balls into your mouth, and throat,

I am sure that the taste left in your mouth by sucking on my ass hole, and taking a large load of my semen in your mouth will leave a most unpleasant taste, so you will beg me to place my cock into your mouth and piss down your throat to help remove the taste.

Then I am going to beat your pussy 20 times, paying particular attention to your clitoris, after that I am going to beat your ass hole 20 times, and then you will insert a 10 inch dildo into your cunt and I am going to force my 10 inch cock into your ass, you are going to dildo fuck your pussy and I am going to fuck your ass for 20 minutes,

I really do hope that you remembered to give yourself your daily enema, because after I come in your ass you're going to keep the dildo in your cunt and use your mouth to clean my cock off, I really haven't thought about what I am going to do after that, but I have plenty of time to think up other punishments.

Just to let you know if you are ever late again after today you will no longer be my executive assistant, I will either send you to the breeding farm, or the animal training farm."

Ian smiled and said "well we both have a lot to look forward to today so let's get started", tightening his grip in her hair Ian said "strip slave and assume position one", Jennifer started to unbutton her blouse knowing that today was going to be a painful day for her.

(C) 2007 midnite Draft in progress. All rights reserved.

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That was quite a verbal assault on his sub. It had to be broken into bite sized bits to help the readers digest what he said.

The paragraphs - of what he is saying - need to be broken up even further into individual sentences. For example, everytime he says first, second or so on, a new sentence can begin.

The last bit, where he mentions the breeding or animal training farms, takes this story in a new direction, then leaves the reader wanting.

Are his threats something that could happen in the universe of this story?

There is much to be explored here and I look forward to seeing where you take this,

Ruby