Dear Xan,

I won't repeat what the others have said already...and put much more eloquently than I could have. Suffice to say that I agree.

I'm a bit worried about the "it's hard to not make excuses for her" part. The reason for this is quite simply that I spent a lot of time making up excuses for these people in my life who hurt me. The whole situation makes my alarm bells go off (and please note that this is coming from a very personal point of view), and I think that it would be a good idea that once you talk to her you keep watching out for red flags. Does she take your concerns seriously? Does she apologise -- sincerely, I mean? Does she understand that she put you in an awkward situation? Does the whole thing somehow end up to be your fault (like: you're not submissive enough, not well-behaved enough, too vanilla, etcetc)? Does she maybe even deny that something has happened? Does she listen, let you voice your opinions freely? Threaten you? If she threatens you, makes you feel about it, blames you for the whole situation, makes it your fault, wants to punish you for your "disobedience"...then I think you're better off to leave now before you are even more emotionally involved. If she has a control issue -- and to me it sounds like she just might -- then take my word on it: it only gets worse, never better.

I think the best advice is probably: listen to your gut. Your gut is telling you what's right and what's wrong, or at least what's good for you and what is not. If your gut says no, it says no for a good reason. In anyway I'm crossing my fingers for you, hope that the conversation is a good one and that there is no reason for concern whatsoever. If it doesn't, that's not the end of the world either. There's always a way to move beyond...anyway, take good care of yourself and best of luck to you!