Slave Rule #13: i must be both specific and explicit in my speech.

As much as I love to talk, I can't ever seem to just come right out and tell Daddy what I want, especially if he asks me. Is that weird or what? Why should it be so hard to say I want to get fucked in the ass if that is indeed what I want? I'm definitely not hung up on the language, so it must be something else keeping my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth. It's even hard to repeat after him. I hesitate a lot, which sometimes results in some mild hair pulling. *smiles* I still don't always immediately answer. Stubborn? You betcha! The fact of the matter is that I hate directing during sex. I did it while married, and it still sucked (not in a good way). My theory nowadays seems to be "do whatever you want, just make sure I get off at some point." However, there are times I wish Daddy would do this or that, and if he doesn't, it's my own fault for not telling him. *sigh* Cutting off one's nose to spite one's face....

I don't like it when Daddy asks me where I want to eat, either. What if I pick something he doesn't want? It's his money anyway. Shouldn't he get to decide? *tears up in frustration* I know this sounds like I don't want any control whatsoever, but that's not exactly true. I have problems coming to terms when Daddy tries to influence me, i.e. my hair, my clothes, my friends, etc. I want a say in that, but he doesn't want any argument. Then, when he does ask me what I want, I freeze up. I don't want to make a decision, but I will when I see that he won't. Stress stress stress! GRRRRR

Decisions, decisions, decisions! It can take me more than 5 minutes to decide what flavor of ice cream I want from the grocery store. If you think I'm exaggerating, let's go Krogering! You'll be pulling your hair out before we make it through the coffee ailse. That's why God invented grocery lists! Right now, my OCD is going crazy because I'm starting a new job next week. I hate change! I have an incredible urge to go in my son's room and alphabetize by author all of his books. Those kinds of decisions are calming because they mean absolutely nothing to anyone but me. If you think that's bad, I spent today with my son evaluating and somewhat planning everything we were going to do as if I was a teacher instead of his mother. We had bible study/reading, starting in Genesis (the beginning, of course); art (coloring a picture of Adam and Eve); lesson reinforcement (playing with a toy Noah's ark); lunch/home economics (he helped make soup); entertainment (movie); recess (at least 30 minutes of outdoor activities including bike riding, baseball, golf, swinging); snack time; visitation with grandparents; dinner. *eye roll* Told ya it was bad!

What's a poor girl to do when Daddy doesn't want you to speak up when you want to and does want you to speak up when you don't?!? AARRGGHH

Is anyone else out there thinkin' I really suck as this whole submissive thing? 'Cause I sure as hell do!