What's the difference between sweet BDSM love and abuse?

[Alex Bragi]

Another great thread and topic for discussion, Tom.

BDSMTourguide wrote an excellent essay on BDSM verses Abuse some time back (that I'm rehashing yet again) that you may find help and certainly interesting. The thread also has a some very good posts from a couple of our newer members.

[crazy_grrluk]

BDSMTourguide wrote an excellent essay on BDSM verses Abuse some time back (that I'm rehashing yet again) that you may find help and certainly interesting. The thread also has a some very good posts from a couple of our newer members.

I knew my story was somewhere and it is in that thread...tx Alex smiles

[TomOfSweden]

I knew my story was somewhere and it is in that thread...tx Alex smiles

Thanks for that post. I'd say that your story is a good example of master behavior I was trying to identify. Was there any sign before this ordeal that should have tipped you off? I'm not saying if it should then, because it obviously didn't. But if you found the same kind of guy today, what could you do or ask for to make sure he isn't as abusive as that guy was? Can you think of anything?

[crazy_grrluk]

Thanks for that post. I'd say that your story is a good example of master behavior I was trying to identify. Was there any sign before this ordeal that should have tipped you off? I'm not saying if it should then, because it obviously didn't. But if you found the same kind of guy today, what could you do or ask for to make sure he isn't as abusive as that guy was? Can you think of anything?

There was no sign whatsoever to indicate anything was wrong. Not even my mentor at the time had any idea at all. Not until this guy went beserk... shrugs

I am more cautious now. I wait and watch for any little sign that might indicate a problem and i dont rush into anything.
I also ask sneeky questions only a true Dominant would know... a bit like an interview process but making it seem like a general conversation. like for example... explain the meaning behind the Dominant's Creed... do you live by old school or new BDSM. how many submissives have you had in the time that you have found yourself to be Dominant. what do you enjoy most about the lifestyle that sort of thing. I also have a habit of throwing a curve ball in when it is least expected LOL

[Tojo]

To be able to effectively listen to someone, in a non-judgemental way, you need to be free of distress yourself.