Protocol?

[DowntownAmber]

In a little under two weeks, work is taking me out of town and right into the neighborhood of a Dom both Master and I know online but have never met in r/l. (Yes, He's on this forum but I prefer to leave His personal engagement calendar as His own business.) We contacted Him, let Him know of my trip and invited Him to meet if interested. He agreed to. J's original plan was to accompany me on this trip, but as it turns out I will be traveling solo due to His other commitments. Nevertheless, Master gave permission and even encouraged this meeting to still take place. This particular Dom is someone both He and I have learned quite a bit from, and feel comfortable with.

Other than my own Master, this will be the first time I have ever met someone in the Lifestyle like this. So, my question is as follows: is there a particular protocol to meeting another Dom for the first time? How do you greet Him? What do you call Him? Who orders first at dinner? So on and so forth... I know this is a broad question and there really isn't a single right answer, but I'm interested in what people have to say on the topic.

[neitsyst2]

Amber I am so grateful that you continue to ask these questions. I have so many and you are so eloquent and graceful as you ask them. Thank you so much for asking for the answers that we all need!

[cadence]

To be quite honest I don't think that there is any specific protocol that you have to follow, unless it was otherwise stated.
He is not your Dominant so you are not obligated to follow any certain criteria as you do with your own.
If you feel more comfortable in calling him Sir or whatever than that is not a problem to do so.

You are just two people who know each other and are meeting. You undoubtably are going to be respectful of who he is, but other than that you would treat him as any other person you are meeting for a drink, dinner, coffee etc....

[Isabella King]

I think, what you're suggesting is completely alien to me...unless you're just planning on nothing more inocuous than a dinner date - but in that case you wouldn't be asking for directions - but if you are just meeting for a dinner date why would you want to call him by anything other than hs name? Surely you wouldn't have any submissive feelings toward this person you have never met? Or am I missing something?

[icey]

i would just be respectful towards him as i would anyone else,he may be a Dom but he's not your Dom and anyway Doms are regular people too arnt they ...tho i do sometimes wonder lol

if you're a little unsure why not ask your Master to discuss this with the other Dom and see which they or most importantly your Master feels is most suitable? that way you dont have to worry,you can be relaxed and enjoy your evening and you know you've done the right thing and the icing on the cake is you will also have represented your Master very well

[Sir_Russell]

If it wasn't set up as a potential play date, and I doubt that you would knowing both you and J-Go, then it is just a meeting between people that have common interests. I guess I am not of the camp that the only way for a man and woman to enjoy each other is in bed.

Treat the Dom with respect unless he proves he is unworthy of that respect but also treat him as a friend. I am sure that if he is a worthy friend and honorable Dom he will treat you as a friend that respects not just the woman or the sub but the friend.

I ramble and agree that J-Go should set any ground rules he feels is neccessary

[Warbaby1943]

I think all the above is great advise unless you are planning on a play date, which you haven't mentioned. As far as who orders dinner first I would think the gentleman should order for you after you tell him what you would like. This to me would be nothing out of the ordinary. Also if you do know him well I think a first name basis would also be in order because, as stated, he is not your Dom.

[Cool Luke's Hand]

Until this Dom makes his intentions clear, I'd treat it as nothing more than a dinner between acquaintances. Be polite, but don't go into the "Sirs" unless you both feel comfortable with it.

[Ozme52]

An exciting opportunity Amber.

Would you have any questions as to how to act if you were being hosted by your boss?
You would be polite and respectful. You would defer to his/her lead at dinner. You would address him/her by his/her "formal" name until/unless he/she tells you otherwise.

Enjoy, absorb, and if appropriate... submit.

[annie]

I would have to agree with Oz and what most others have posted. Courtesy and respect (if it is deserved) is the only thing that the Dom you are meeting is owed, unless specified differently by your Master.

[DowntownAmber]

Thank you all for the responses. Most of what folks are saying is what I suspected, however, being relatively new to this I say better to ask and be sure than be unintentionally rude or disprespectful. The gentleman in question is someone that has taken the time to respond to and mentor J and myself in many little ways, and I'd rather like to make a good impression.

To clear the specifics up, the meeting in question is not a play date or anything above and beyond getting together for dinner. (J and I are not so inclined to share each other in that fashion. ) All an all, I'm looking forward to a very comfortable situation with someone I'm sure will be wonderfully engaging company.

Again, thank you all for the responses! Just making sure I wasn't missing a double secret Dom handshake or some other subtlety of the Lifestyle! *g*

[Warbaby1943]

There are some Doms no matter how well you think you may know them that will still be looking out for number 1. If you are interested in playing that is one thing but if you feel at all pressured into it I would walk away from the meeting and not look back. Too bad J won't be with you. Whatever you do just be careful.

[thrall]

Have a great time and enjoy yourself!!!

The only person you are responsible and answerable to is yourself and J-go. If you have questions.......ask them both. Im very sure that they both will be more then happy to tell you what the want and expect of you.

You will feel what is right. I do not believe that this Dom you are meeting will put you under any undo pressure. He may make you think, He may make you a bit uncomfortable. Make no mistake however, outside of common courtesy and respect you owe this person nothing but a smile and a handshake.

You are and interesting person......He is an interesting person.....so have fun and have a great time.....that is what interesting people do.......lol

[gemmy]

Amber, simply - do as J-Go wishes period

You both know this Dom and have both gotten advice from him and have built a level of respect amongst you. Would you act any different if J-Go was there instead of being absent? I don't think so. You may be sub, but sub to One and whether he is present or not hun, I would conduct myself accordingly. The simple fact that you are not his and there was no play date planned or any preset negotiation means you are simply Amber, not sub-Amber In fact, if he demanded you call him by a 'title' or anything remotely close to an order, I would walk away and fast.

You are a highly intelligent and articulate woman and already carry yourself with a great deal of poise and grace - that's all you need, the rest I'm sure will be a lovely dinner with some stimulating conversation that you can share with J-Go when you return - Enjoy!

[Whippett]

Hi Amber,

You are meeting someone you know - sort of - but not really. Talk to J and ask him what he expects of you at this meeting.

I doubt you're planning anything more than a meeting between friends (or potential friends at least - there is sometimes a difference between on-line friends and people you know in person). Discuss it with J-Go and perhaps J and the other Dom will set ground-rules concerning the meeting - that it is just a meeting of potential friends, and that no play of any kind is welcome or expected. Then stick to the ground rules

Be respectful and show as much respect as the person has earned and demonstrated he is worth being shown. But bear in mind, this Dom is not your Dom. J-Go is. And J-Go is the only Dom you should submit to unless he requires otherwise.

You have no need to submit to anyone who has not earned your submission. In fact, it is wrong to submit just because the person is a Dom. He is not your Dom and has not earned your submission. Be friendly, be pleasant, be your normal self, but order your own food and drink, and leave on your own and take a taxi back to your hotel alone.

Since you have only met on-line - you really don't know everything there is to know about this person. Not everyone on the internet is who they portray themselves to be, after all, and you have no real way of knowing if the private person and public "forum" person are the same.

I know what I'm like - and that I'm trustworthy - but you don't know me - just my words. Were you meeting me, I would expect you to call J-Go when I arrived at the restaurant to meet you, and would expect you to call him during the meal as well - in front of me. I would be concerned about your safety were I in his shoes - and you are meeting a stranger in many respects.

I would also expect to wait at the table after you left - normally I'd wait for a good half hour or so, to let you go without fear that I'd be following you - or I would leave first if you preferred.

Have fun, but your submission belongs to J-Go, and only to him unless he tells you otherwise.

[Sir_Russell]

all right boys and girls, Doms and subs, Masters and slaves it is me that she will meet with. The original meeting was to be between, they hoped for, minx and I and amber and J-Go. Well minx has been released and wouldn't have been here by then. Then J-Go couldn't make it.

I offered to wait till a better time but I also promised her just a meeting, no play I am not her Dom and I respect both of them. lol Maybe I should be asking how to protect myself from a very lovely intelligent lady like amber but I will be good.

[icey]

at least we know she'll be looked after
i hope you both have a good and fun evening.

[thrall]

Sir Russell......

Now i know she will have a great time with you!

and as i said before to Amber....

You are and interesting person......He is an interesting person.....so have fun and have a great time.....that is what interesting people do.......lol

[Warbaby1943]

all right boys and girls, Doms and subs, Masters and slaves it is me that she will meet with. The original meeting was to be between, they hoped for, minx and I and amber and J-Go. Well minx has been released and wouldn't have been here by then. Then J-Go couldn't make it.

I offered to wait till a better time but I also promised her just a meeting, no play I am not her Dom and I respect both of them. lol Maybe I should be asking how to protect myself from a very lovely intelligent lady like amber but I will be good.

You make all the difference in the world Sir_Russell. However, you must admit there aren't many as honorable as yourself, thus the caution advised here.

[suchaminx]

Amber and Russell - have a great time

[gemmy]

all right boys and girls, Doms and subs, Masters and slaves it is me that she will meet with. The original meeting was to be between, they hoped for, minx and I and amber and J-Go. Well minx has been released and wouldn't have been here by then. Then J-Go couldn't make it.

I offered to wait till a better time but I also promised her just a meeting, no play I am not her Dom and I respect both of them. lol Maybe I should be asking how to protect myself from a very lovely intelligent lady like amber but I will be good.

ahhhhhhh now that does help hehe - have a fabulous time!

in light of us all not knowing it was you though Sir_Russell, what is your take on the advice given to Amber and her 'Domly' friend?

[gemmy]

I know what I'm like - and that I'm trustworthy - but you don't know me - just my words. Were you meeting me, I would expect you to call J-Go when I arrived at the restaurant to meet you, and would expect you to call him during the meal as well - in front of me. I would be concerned about your safety were I in his shoes - and you are meeting a stranger in many respects.

I would also expect to wait at the table after you left - normally I'd wait for a good half hour or so, to let you go without fear that I'd be following you - or I would leave first if you preferred.

Awesome safety advice Whippet! I hadn't ever thought about the waiting thing, thank you very much for this

[Sir_Russell]

I think the advice is good and similar to what I wrote here and other places.

I know that many are all bluff and brag I am what I seem to be on here. Part of my own code of honor is to not depict myself as anything I am not

[Whippett]

I think the advice is good and similar to what I wrote here and other places.

I know that many are all bluff and brag I am what I seem to be on here. Part of my own code of honor is to not depict myself as anything I am not

It's nice to know it's you Russell.

Not to be nasty or insulting - because I, like you do not depict myself as other than I am. But you don't know me from adam, nor I you. We could be lying through our teeth. Granted, keeping up a consistent facade is extremely difficult - especially over the long term - and you have been here long enough that a facade would have cracked by now. On the basis of that I will accept you to be exactly as you portray yourself. (I haven't been here long enough for you to make a judgment call about me one way or the other, though with your extensive experience you may feel you have a grasp of what I'm like).

You must admit, however, that someone new to the lifestyle, or at least not very experienced could be at incredible risk meeting a new Dom for the first time. For her peace of mind (and safety), setting up a safety net of support to cover her during that first meeting makes sense to me - no matter who she's meeting. Especially if there hasn't been a really extensive or intensive period of getting to know each other by other means first.

In this case you already have that prior relationship with Amber and J-Go - it makes the need for a safety net less important. You also have a history and reputation here that speaks volumes about who you are.

But I stand by what I posted above - someone meeting a new Dom for the first time (whether as a friend or as a potential Master) should have a safety net in place prior to the meeting, regardless of how the person portrays himself on-line unless she already has prior knowledge that the computer image is indeed the real person.

As J-Go is doing, I would likely let my girl meet you without a safety-net in place - but that's because I have a ton of experience, and have read back through your posts and have come to a number of conclusions about your character and honour. I would prefer to be there at a meeting - mainly because I am incredibly proud of my girl and enjoy watching her in public settings, but also because I think you would be a fascinating person to meet and talk to.

And this isn't meant to be insulting, Russell - but I have occasionally picked up the pieces when a rash young sub has made a terrible mistake - and I would rather see a girl err on the side of too much caution than too little.

I've never been insulted when a girl has been cautious with me - and I generally ask her to set up a safety net - if she hasn't thought of doing so for herself already.

[DowntownAmber]

Well, the Dom is out of the bag so to speak! It brings a smile to my face that the entire thread breathed sigh of relief when they realized Sir Russell would be my company for the evening. (Yes, faithful forum readers, I'll be able to say, "oh Sir Russell? Yeah, I've met him... )


As my trip approaches, J and I (and I'm even suspecting J and Sir Russell) will hash out the details. I was never looking at this thread as a definitive instruction manual as to how to be or to act, but simply a matter of newbie curiosity as to others' thoughts. In that regard, thanks all for the many perspectives! Though I feel in my gut it won't be "needed" in the slightest, I certainly still plan to call J and give Him updates and so on. I'm thinking my calls will be more along the lines of, "hey we're having a great time, wish you were here!" but there will be calls nevertheless.

Or, even better, we can sill get J to make the trip! Cross your fingers folks!

[Whippett]

Awesome safety advice Whippet! I hadn't ever thought about the waiting thing, thank you very much for this

Hi mastersgem

Predators need to be watched for - and you never know if you're meeting one - especially when you're going with a view to possible submission to someone - so never take your own car - rent or take a taxi. Don't let the Dom overhear where you want to be dropped - or give a totally wrong address to the driver and then correct your destination once he's underway...and make sure either you or the Dom leave well before the other - and that you aren't followed when you do leave.

There are many things a predator can use to get information that leads him right to your door - and you want to keep those things as far away from the possibility of discovery as possible until you have enough trust to prevent the possibility of being stalked or worse. So if you take rental car - leave your drivers licence and anything with your address in the car or keep your purse with you at all times - even when you go to the washroom.

Of course, he could do a reverse trace on your phone number as well.

As a matter of course, when I was in the market, I kept a copy of a police report on me and a recent full STD scan available to provide on request. I don't know what it's called in the UK or elsewhere - but here is't called a CPIC. The police will do them on request for a small fee. Basically, when you request one they run a computer search to see if you have a police record of any sort. I know in Canada they use the RCMP database for the CPIC - and the RCMP is linked to Interpol, so the report really does do more than just a local "warrants and charges" search. People who want to be bonded (for work, for example) are usually asked to provide a CPIC as part of the application process.

Both are useful items to request of a new Dom in your life - and I usually don't wait to be asked - I just hand them over to the girl. The nice thing about a CPIC is they are registered documents - and you can request a validation if you wish (just take it to a police station and ask for a validation - lol - a forged CPIC is a criminal offence). I usually ask the girl to provide a full STD scan at the first real session - so - if the initial meeting goes well, I'll instruct a girl to have a full STD scan for me for the next meeting.

[jeanne]

Well minx has been released...

I'm sorry to hear this. I like minx and thought you two were a good match. I hope that perhaps you two find a way to remain friends at least, if not more.

[J-Go]

Well I suppose it’s time for the “Dom” to chime in on this thread. Perhaps clarify some statements and positions. First off Whippett, thank you for your caring, common sense advice, advice I think followed when any woman meets a man for the first time, advice I would and will give…again thank you. Oz…hmmm not sure when submitting would be appropriate in this situation, I’m going to assume you were kidding. We’ll discuss that this summer when we actually meet…looking forward to that.

As for the “date” Amber asked me about it when she found out she was going to a conference in the city Sir Russell lives near. One of her first responses was “Ohh I wonder if I could meet Sir Russell?” My response was “I think he would be a very interesting person to have dinner with, you should try to meet him.” That folks has really been my involvement in the whole deal. “We” really did not contact him Amber did and the logistics of the meeting have been between DTA and SR. It is (and has been) very unlikely that I am going to accompany her, so she will be on her own…but Amber is a big girl with real life experiences that frankly I trust. I know she is savvy enough to not put herself in a situation that she does not want to be in…If she decides she wants to be in a situation, well me being the biggest baddest Dom in the world would not change that.

From what I have read of his comments and advice posted on the forum, I am sure Sir Russell is, and will be a complete gentleman. But at the end of the day Whippett is correct, Amber won’t know till she meets him. As for me if I was in Amber’s shoes I’d be calling Sir Russell myself…hope she has a great time.

J-Go

[gemmy]

.."Amber is a big girl with real life experiences that frankly I trust. I know she is savvy enough to not put herself in a situation that she does not want to be in…If she decides she wants to be in a situation, well me being the biggest baddest Dom in the world would not change that"....

J-Go, it's not hard to see why Amber is so happy in her choice of Master's - you continue to impress and speak with a wisdom I wish more Men period would pay attention to. The simple statement above is what Any relationship is about and being secure enough to trust Her first and not put petty jealousy on her about what 'may or may not' happen is a wonderful quality.

You both floor me constantly, everytime either of you posts. You guys have such a wit, intelligence, reason, common sense and above all an incredible humour that is so grounded in reality, I am enjoying it so much!! My kudos and respect to you both.

Ok am off to go growl in envy on my own *giggles*

[DowntownAmber]

Well... I hate to spoil the fun faithfull readers, but the business engagement in CO has been put off. Our CEO and loyal sales consultant determined that the $6,000.00 or so we would be spending to go to essentially a "tech convention" would not be worth it for the sales and marketing folks. *sniffle*

Instead, I'll be in Phoenix/Scottsdale on the 18th for a little under a week. I will technically be in the Denver airport for about three hours on the 18th but, much to my disappointment, dinner with the famous Sir Russell will have to occur another time. Denver is a pretty popular place for myself and my team, so I know I'll make it back soon but dammit I was looking forward to this!